 Four days ago my entire world was almost shattered. Four days ago my elderly parents were in a serious car accident less than 2 miles from our homes. They survived. They are alive. We stand in shock, awe, and gratitude. They are injured, but THEY ARE ALIVE. Who knew a little app on my phone would alert me, call 911, and notify me of their location - all in an instant? Air bags, seat belts, and safety features- what gifts. A world-renowned trauma center within driving distance. Skilled clinicians and first responders, my brothers and sisters in arms. I'm not used to being the patient or the daughter of the patients. I'm not used to signing consent forms. I usually obtain them. God is good! They are so lucky. We are so lucky. It could have been so much worse. And still I sit. My heart still racing a few times each day. My stomach and muscles not quite unclenched. My mind roaming from task to memory to what-ifs. What does one do with a near miss such as this? Is there a lesson, or was it just a Wednesday? I cannot fathom it only a Wednesday, friends. Believers might advise me to lay at the altar. Nay-sayers might ask me why I harbor unease. My nervous system reminds me there is still work to do. And so I write this, for the others with unease. I write this for all the witnesses and survivors of a near miss. I am here, and I am with you. Godspeed.
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 Have you ever wanted to freeze a moment in time and keep it in your heart forever? This picture is one of those moments. Christmas lights that sit just above ferns that were at our son's wedding. Teenagers' backpacks on a 20+ year old golf cart that my husband paid for with his lawn services. You know, back when good people made a fair trade. Banners in a messy garage for our favorite sports teams. The big, impractical but so comfortable SUV that carries us across the state to watch our son play ball. The 10 year old truck that has safely carried my husband to work and escorted costume-clad kids on a trailer around our neighborhood on Halloween. Our driveway and this garage have seen different cars and car seats, bikes and scooters, strollers and toys. Even a Harley and a dirtbike or two. One thing remains. Love. Family love. Real love that you can hang your hat on. Imperfect love, but love still the same. Merry Christmas, friends.  Photo credit: JC Gellidon from Unsplash Why do we feel sorry when we don't even know what we are sorry for? Is someone making us feel guilty or are we slathering a self-applied layer of guilt just because? How old were we the first time we were ever made to feel guilty? And how old will we be when guilt will be but a distant memory? I have felt guilty for SO many things that were outside of my control over the years. And to what end? Who wins in that scenario? No one. Here are a few examples of unnecessary guilt I have both acquired and shouldered:
Let's dive a little deeper into each of these 4 categories of guilt just in case none of these seem to resonate yet. Guilt by association, proximity, or DNA: I recently read a book about the murders of people of color in America by police. It was a fictional story but one we know so well. After reading the book, I had a very poignant conversation with one of my close friends. As a black woman, she had many thoughts about this problem in America and I listened. As a white woman, I explained to her that knowing these things are happening causes intense feelings of guilt simply because I share the white skin of the guilty. She was surprised that I chose the word "guilt" instead of "shame" or "embarrassment." I also felt feelings of guilt when reading about the Holocaust as I sat in my 4th grade desk carrying a German surname. Were my ancestors part of the Nazi army? I do not know. But as a child, I felt what I would classify as guilt. Now at 47, my friend's comment about guilt versus shame or embarrassment have brought me back to many of my lessons in therapy. Pre-therapy, I assumed guilt and shame were the same or interchangeable, but they really are not. Guilt infers that we have done something wrong, and often for those actions, we can apologize or repair those relationships. Shame infers that WE are something wrong, that something is WRONG with us and for that we seek acceptance and approval. Have I figured out just yet why I feel guilt or shame or embarrassment when white individuals harm or dehumanize or murder persons of color? Is that a normal emotional response as a white woman who considers herself an ally? Is empathy difficult to delineate from culpability with a shared "guilty" race? OR, is the true issue - and one that is really honed in upon in the book - that SILENCE is not the answer? Is my lack of action or voice to these injustices the reason I feel some type of way? I encourage ALL of us to consider this moving forward in our daily lives. Guilt for words or actions from decades ago: Have you ever replayed a conversation or an interaction from DECADES ago? What about from childhood or when you were a hormone-infused, emotionally-immature high schooler or young adult? How many times can we beat ourselves up for something, and for how many YEARS? Guilt for NOT doing what we should have, could have, would have: This has happened to all of us. We should have gone to that funeral service. We could have sent a meal to that family or friend. We would have been there, but we had our own "stuff" going on and we didn't want to burden the person in need. Most of us who are empathetic individuals know this feeling all too well. Time passes. We believe it would be awkward after such time to reach back out. Guilt for causing disappointment: This guilt can be similar to some of the other guilt mentioned above, BUT it can also be very recent and current. Examples: I didn't go to girls' night. I forgot to mail the package my husband asked me to mail. I laughed at something inappropriate and realize later that I could have caused harm. I spoke to someone I love in anger. I do not have a magic wand to help us erase or wave away these unnecessary feelings of guilt. I do, however, know that harboring guilt is futile. Whenever I feel guilt (or shame) now, I stop. I analyze why I am feeling those feelings. If there is an action or inaction I am truly sorry for, I try to make amends and apologize sooner rather than later. I may journal about the feelings or events so that I can grow and learn from the situation. If the triggering event for the guilt is OLD or NOT related to me or NOT something I can remedy, I am learning to let it go. Emotions are like waves in the ocean- they come in, wash over us, and go back out. The ocean will remain. We will remain. And the waves are temporary. Viewing emotions in this manner is life-giving! I would love to hear from you if any of this resonates with you. You can comment below or connect with me on social media. Here's to more days without guilt and shame. Godspeed. I love interacting with my readers. For more of an inside look into my days, you can follow me on TikTok, Instagram, or Facebook. Please support my fellow hope*writers by reading their works inspired by the prompt word UNNECESSARY. Unnecessary Burdens by Sharla Hallett https://sharlahallett.com/unnecessary-burdens/ Career and Mom Life: The Big, Unnecessary Sacrifice by Ashley Olivine https://www.ashleyolivine.com/career-and-mom-life/ Release the Unnecessary Weight and Find Joy As You Run With Jesus by Lisa Crowder https://lisacrowder.substack.com/p/release-unnecessary-weight-and-find-joy  Change can be scary and is almost always difficult. Change can force us to question both the reasons we stayed and the reasons we left. Learning to begin again has been challenging but life-giving, even more so as I settle into midlife. This list may resonate with some of you, so I thought I would share several scenarios in which I have learned to begin again.
While so many of the circumstances in my list above are quite personal, I know many of you can relate. In fact, just reaching a decision to begin again can feel overwhelming. I will link a resource below of a book that really helped me make some hard decisions in my life. I love this author's work, her podcast, and her platform. Her words have provided both comfort and fuel for my body and soul. She writes from a Christian perspective, so if that is not a fit for you, you may not enjoy her work. Let's take a deeper dive into a few of the life scenarios that forced me to begin again as I share anecdotes and resources that helped me get through the muck of starting over.
These real-life examples are very personal and may not apply to your life. I do hope they give you some insight, however, either for your own life or for someone that you love. Connection is the entire reason I started pouring my heart out over the internet, so please leave a comment below if any of this resonates with you. I see you and you are not alone. I love interacting with my readers. For more of an inside look into my days, you can follow me on TikTok, Instagram, or Facebook. Please support my fellow hope*writers by reading their works inspired by the prompt word BEGIN: Begin Moving Toward Your Soul’s Lifework by Lisa Crowder https://lisacrowder.substack.com/p/begin-moving-toward-your-souls-lifework The Beginning of Stories from the Supper Table Series by Jessica Haberman http://www.storytellerfarm.com/beginning-of-stories-from-the-supper-table-series How To Begin a New Career by Ashley Olivine https://ashleyolivine.com/how-to-begin-a-new-career/  What do we say when we don't know what to say? We have good intentions of encouraging our loved ones, but we have no idea how to do so. Encouragement can feel obligatory on the sending end and inauthentic on the receiving end. And that FEELS BAD for both parties. We have all been there. Someone dies unexpectedly. Someone receives a terrible diagnosis. A divorce comes out of nowhere. A tragic accident. Our partner says something cruel or doesn't meet our emotional needs. A friend is struggling with infertility or has a miscarriage. Our friend is venting about a difficult situation. Here are some tips for what to say and what not to say: Do/say this:
Don't do/say this:
 Encouragement should feel good for the giver and the recipient. It takes practice on BOTH ends to make it work. At times, we are simply in too much pain to receive any encouragement and that is okay. Other times, we as givers are not in the best mental head space and must take care of ourselves before we can expend energy dolling out encouragement to friends or family members. In those situations, communication is key. Boundaries are vital. And reassurance that your person is important to you is paramount. I love interacting with my readers. For more of an inside look into my days, you can follow me on TikTok, Instagram, or Facebook. Please support my fellow hope*writers by reading their works inspired by the prompt word ENCOURAGE: 4 Ways to Encourage Yourself in the Lord by Sharla Hallett https://sharlahallett.com/4-ways-to-encourage-yourself-in-the-lord/ Simple Is Better – Never Underestimate the Power of Encouragement by Dianne Vielhuber https://simplewordsoffaith.com/2023/08/01/simple-is-better-never-underestimate-the-power-of-encouragement/ Encouragement to Bloom by Lisa Crowder https://lisacrowder.substack.com/p/encouragement-to-bloom How Can Parents Encourage Emotional Development? By Ashley Olivine https://www.ashleyolivine.com/how-can-parents-encourage-emotional-development/  I did not know that thrillers would be one of my preferred genres until I started reading A LOT in 2023. I was normally a historical fiction or even a nonfiction reader, but I soon found myself choosing thrillers between my heavier reads. I blame true crime podcasts. And all the Netflix true crime documentaries of late. I guess after the pandemic, we all needed to read or watch something worse than we had just endured. Sad but true? Let's dive in with these BEST and WORST thrillers from my past year of reading. BLACK BEAR ALIBI by JC Fuller: 5⭐️! This was SUCH a good thriller! Fantastic writing and great characters. The setting of the Pacific Northwest was perfect for this cozy mystery. Phil is my fave! This is book 1 in a series by J.C. Fuller and I have since read book 2 (The Push) which was also 5⭐️! I cannot wait to read the rest of her Rockfish Island Mystery series! Imagine finding a dead body in the woods that appears to be a bear-attack victim but soon realizing there must be a murderer on the loose in this quaint, sleepy island town. Who can you trust? And how will the eager new sheriff in town find the killer? THE LIES I TELL by Julie Clark: 4.5⭐️ page-turner (rounded up). This was my first Julie Clark novel but will not be my last. As soon as I started it, I immediately thought of the Netflix show Imposters. The dual POV of the con artist and the female journalist tracking her cons kept me constantly guessing and engaged. The LA setting makes it a fun summer read. I loved the ending- it did not feel forced or expected. THEY NEVER LEARN by Layne Fargo: 4.25 ⭐️. This was a fantastic thriller with a medium pace and plenty of action. I loved the academic setting and the brilliant, powerful women Fargo depicts. Serial killer documentary fans will love this book. I can't say much without giving spoilers, but this book had HANDS DOWN the best first chapter in any thriller I've ever read. Sample that and you'll know if this is your cup of tea. If you loved the show Dexter, you'll love this book. WHILE THE BABY SLEEPS by Stephanie Hazeltine: 5 ⭐️! This book was so good! 4 new moms meet at a mother’s group and are somewhat forced into a friendship with women they otherwise would have never met. Each has a varied past and present, but they come together over the everyday struggles of motherhood. No spoilers, but it gets so good! Look forward to reading the sequel by this author next month! Great writing! Quick read. THE HOUSEMAID by Frieda McFadden: 4 ⭐️! This was my introduction to Freida McFadden and I am now a true fan! The fact that the author is a practicing physician in real life just deepens my love for her work. This thriller kept me on the edge of my seat and looking forward to diving back in each night. I loved the sequel, The Housemaid's Secret, even more because I had already bonded with the characters. If you like psychological thrillers that might actually happen in real life, you will love this book along with all of McFadden's work. THE SILENT PATIENT by Alex Michaelides: 4.5⭐️. Set in a mental institution, this thriller was a great audiobook listen. I did not predict most of the twists and the pacing kept me engaged. Imagine a patient who has been mute after being charged with murdering her husband and the eager psychiatrist determined to break her silence. If that piques your interest, you will not be disappointed! THE PASSENGERS by John Marrs: 5 ⭐️! This was everything I want in a thriller and more! It was NOT predictable. It was fast-paced, thought-provoking, and intense! I am definitely a John Marrs fan now after devouring The One and now The Passengers. Imagine getting into your self-driven car for your normal daily routine and being told almost immediately that your car has been hijacked and will collide with 7 other passengers in the same situation within the next few hours. Now imaginethat all of this is being broadcast across social media and TV by the same hijackers and that there may be a vote on who might get saved by the viewers. But don't worry, the viewers will have full access to all your dirty secrets. This one was a whammy, ya'll! Had to pop the popcorn for the ensuing drama! These are the thrillers I think you could skip or maybe just borrow (and many readers may disagree, but these are my opinions):
Have you read any of these thrillers? Please comment below. I also have full reviews on these books on my TikTok account. I would love to connect with you there!
 As of today, I have read 64 books in 2023. That is more than I have read in the past 3 years COMBINED (thanks to my new job and some life changes). While I have given over 20 five-star ratings and reviews, there are 10 books that are still following me around and dancing in my soul. I think about the characters or the story or the emotions they evoked and THAT is why I love to read. These 10 books have all taken up residence in my heart for 2023:
If you want to feel sad or reflective:
I hope these recommendations have come to you at the exact time you needed them. Please comment below if you have read any of these! I also review books regularly on TikTok and would love to connect with you there!  Someday life will be more than laundry and dishes and grocery pick-ups and practices. Someday life will be lazy mornings reading and lonely afternoons of reflection. Someday I will be as happy with my body as I was when I was four years old, running, jumping, splashing, smiling, and living life uninhibited. Someday my heart will break again. More than it has ever broken. And it will heal. Slowly and unintentionally. On its own schedule. Resuming a new shape and capacity. Without my direction. No need to brace for it - what does bracing do anyway? Someday I will have little versions of myself climbing onto my lap again. But they will also be the little versions of my original little versions. And I won't know what to do with all the love that trickles down from me, to my boys, to their tiny little replicates full of life and wonder. I will supervise less and sympathize more. I will be less rigid and more engaged. I won't do this on purpose. It will just happen. Someday my identity won't be wrapped in a stethoscope or initials behind my name. My healing touch will never leave, but my paycheck will. I will be sad. I will feel funny. And eventually I will wonder how I ever let such bureaucracy define me. Someday I will look at my partner across the table and wonder how we got through all the muck. I will forget most of the junk and remember the highlights. I will be proud of us and happy for us. And I will sit at the table with the family we built. Someday I will sit on a porch, hopefully on a lake. I will feel a cool breeze and hear the birds and the squirrels. I will think of Mary and Martha, both my grandmothers, and I will explode with nostalgia. The men we loved. The families we created. The mess we endured. I will thank Martha for my fire and Mary for my loyalty. I will dance with both of them in my kitchen, windows up, music on high, supper in the oven, conviction in my heart. Please support my fellow hope*writers by reading their work surrounding the prompt "someday":
Your Someday Will Come by Lisa Crowder https://lisacrowder.substack.com/p/your-someday-will-come Make Someday Happen by Ashley Olivine https://www.ashleyolivine.com/make-someday-happen/ Are You Waiting on Someday? by Sharla Hallett https://sharlahallett.com/are-you-waiting-on-someday/ Simple Is Better – The “Some Day” that Doesn’t Ever Quite Happen by Dianne Vielhuber https://simplewordsoffaith.com/2023/07/01/simple-is-better-the-some-day-that-doesnt-ever-quite-happen/  When I was working in primary care, anxiety and depression were common diagnoses that patients were trying to manage, often by themselves. Patients didn't usually present with "depression" or "anxiety" but instead would come in complaining of fatigue, insomnia, lethargy, mood swings, weight changes, crying spells, palpitations, anger outbursts, or feelings of hopelessness or overwhelm. Knowing that anxiety and depression often present as behaviors, how can we support our loved ones who are facing mental health challenges? How can we protect our own mental health while doing so? There are several steps we can take to support our loved ones while also protecting our own mental health. Using the mnemonic PARTICIPATE, let's learn more about what we can do.
I hope these concrete strategies allow you to feel more empowered when you engage with your friends and family members who are struggling with mental health issues. Perhaps you are the person who is struggling, and you can share this article with your loved ones. We simply do not know what we do not know. Effort and positive intentions are the beginning to valuable support. Godspeed.   You're on a roadtrip. You're headed to the beach. You have 10 hours start to finish and it seems like it is taking FOREVER. You stop a few times for bathroom breaks and lunch. The travelers are getting cranky. They JUST WANT TO GET THERE. When will we get there? How much longer? And then you realize. We are over halfway there. At 47 with 2 gnarly autoimmune diseases, I'm probably well over halfway there. I rushed the beginning. I looked so closely towards the end goal that I forgot to enjoy all the scenery I passed. Or did I? So I slow it way down.
As much as I can. I watch each inning of my youngest boy on the mound or at bat or hovering just off third like it's the bottom of the 9th in the World Series. I sit patiently before the curtain rises at every one of my middle boy's performances. I have no where else to be. I am his mom, and I am watching him shine. And I dance at my oldest son's wedding. I laugh. I smile. And I remember what it was like to be twenty years old and in love, the whole universe at my feet. I sip my coffee with my husband on the rare occasion we are enjoying breakfast together. I look out over my back deck at the spring leaves, the blooms of each flower, the squirrels scurrying, and the birds in flight. Slow down, Mr. Squirrel. Not so fast, Mrs. Bird. What's the hurry? You see I just left Mr. Jones or Mrs. Smith and they remind me each day that the end is not always easy. The end can be lonely, painful, or both. The end can be joyous and abundant, but we have no guarantees. So I slow it down. This line between my eyes on my forehead is from my Granddaddy Taylor. He earned his and so did I. I am reminded of him each time I look at it and I remember his favorite line: "aren't you glad you got to see me?" 🥰 If I cover it up, needle it away with miniscule doses of botulism, does that mean life never happened? The tears I cried and the belly laughs I bellowed - weren't those worth these lines on my face? And here we are, old friends. Me and my impatience. Me and my ambition. Me and my PLANS. What a farce. What irony. What next? The sun will rise and the sun will set. I choose to embrace these next decades with a little LESS energy and a little more PRESENCE. I'm showing up this time. I'm all in. I want to love hard and laugh often. Will you join me?  Spring Break. Panama City Beach. 1995. 4 girls and without a care in the world. Bikinis. Coppertone. Alcohol we scrounged up from our older friends. Junk food and rap music mixed with Southern Rock on our 6-disc CD player in our car. No social media. No Life360. No palm-sized demons tracking us or telling us who to be. Sand. Sun. Free time and Free Bird. No likes. No followers. No shares. Real time. Analog. Conversations without abbreviations or acronyms. Spoken not typed. Love. Relationships. Heartbreak. Hormones. Naivety. Learning as we go without Siri, Alexa, or YouTube to help us. Is it better or is it worse? Public coming of age or private memories? These "stories" told in 2023... are they even the truth? I can't stop it. I can't change it. My boys are in it. Will they survive it like we did? Corona with a lime. 19, 20, 21 and a beach breeze. Music as the soundtrack to youth in the night. Some things remain true. Love and heartache. Friendship and comparison. The vigor and the pain of growing up. Goodnight sweet sunset. I see you in my rearview. Sweet Home on my Apple Car Play. Blue eyes smiling back at me.  Bicycle lights, bicycle lights Riding with friends from the neighborhood after dark With the crisp spring air and the sounds of the night Getting that last lap in before bedtime My boys have those lights on their scooters and bikes And I wish they were around in my day But I recognize that feeling they give anyway It's a feeling we have all felt A Swagger; a JuJu A pep in our step and a smile from the rearview Remember being a kid? No worries, no stress No finances or relationships that need to be addressed I wish we, as adults, spent more time having fun and left more cleaning to wait more dishes undone If we all had bicycle lights and the feeling they give us We would dance more in the kitchen We would not be so serious We would tell those around us that we love them and that we need them We would sing and act silly Do you remember that freedom? Bicycle lights, bicycle lights Can I borrow you for a while? I need an hour of smiles and giggles I need the energy of a child I want the confidence of youth I ache for the ease of those years The innocence, the imagination Before all these doubts, hurts, and fears Let's go play in the neighborhood Until the street lights come on Let's soar on our bikes down a hill And remember where we came from  On a recent poll with my readers, the results were not surprising:
The poll was not anonymous, and I know many of my readers. Several of the "way too much" respondents are married, have children, have jobs, are surrounded by people all the time, and YET... they feel alone. I can relate. Loneliness is harmful to your health. But how do we fix it? We've never been more "connected" in our lives? Or have we? I have found 10 ways to feel more connected in a digital world. These are not from some article or YouTube video. These are just what has worked for ME. I hope they work for you too:
I love interacting with my readers. For more of an inside look into my days, you can follow me on TikTok, Instagram, or Facebook. Please support my other hope*writers by reading their works based on the prompt word LONELY: Is God Lonely for You? By Sharla Hallett https://sharlahallett.com/is-god-lonely-for-you/ Loved vs. Lonely by Lisa Crowder https://lisacrowder.substack.com/p/5c456855-76dc-499f-90cd-6ffef071a3d3 Simple Is Better Lent - When Lonely is OK by Dianne Vielhuber https://simplewordsoffaith.com/2023/03/01/simple-is-better-lent-when-lonely-is-ok/ Open Letter to the Lonely Mom by Ashley Olivine https://www.ashleyolivine.com/lonely-mom/ Breaking the Stigma: Understanding and Talking About Loneliness by MelAnn https://lifesouvenirs.net/p/breaking-the-stigma  Ya'll. I found BookTok at the end of 2022, and I have not looked back. I've been reading 20-30 books per year the past few years, but I didn't have a good way of connecting with other readers. BookTok has answered all my reading hopes and dreams. I have found my people! If you are new to BookTok and you need to learn the ropes, I hope this quick guide helps you navigate your new home! BookTok Glossary:
10 reasons I love BookTok:
 We sold our van. A van I never wanted. A van I swore I would never drive (pre-kids that is). In preparation to complete the sale with its new owner, I searched every file, binder, drawer, and cabinet looking for the title. When did we buy this van? Oh yeah, 2012 when my middle son was 1 and his baby brother was 6 weeks from his debut. When did we pay it off? Oh yeah, late 2016 when I was diagnosed with an incurable autoimmune disease out of the blue. Where did I put this title??? I marched around the house the bulk of the day scouring every nook and cranny of file-space I have ever used. Since we once owned 3 houses, a fully operational lawn business, and we have 3 kids... there's a LOT of filing that goes on around here. Especially for 2 Gen-X parents who are a little more analog than digital. A few stressful hours later, the tag office informs us that Honda never even sent us the title. I'm not sure about all the details, but we should receive our updated title next week so that we can complete the sale. I'm sure we must have missed something on our end, but again: 3 kids, 3 houses, me being sick with a rare disease, and husband returning to the airline industry after selling his lawn business... we had a few things going on at that time in our lives. Back to the van, though. I noticed my body and my breathing as I was searching for that title. I was frustrated and self-loathing for a while figuring I must have misplaced this golden ticket we needed today (buyer was on his way to our house), but I was also something else. I was sad. A tiny little part of me didn't want to find the title. I was about to hand over the keys to a vehicle I never wanted that carried the life I always dreamed of... That van survived infant carriers and booster seats. My oldest son's middle school football era and me coaching my middle son in my beloved soccer. It got us home from the beach and the lake too many times to count. It started this crazy baseball journey that now rules our weekends. It took me to see loved ones that are no longer here. Today, in my search for that precious piece of paper, I found the boys' old school pictures, artwork, and growth charts. I found old debts we had long forgotten and remembered old arguments we have now outgrown. I thought of all the DVD's I rented from the Dollar General Redbox that literally saved my life (I owe a post to my "rides to the Redbox" for sure). I remembered each time one of the boys got carsick (sorry New Owners) and each time I filled that trunk with groceries. I remember being 30 and divorced and wanting to be a mother more than anything in this world. I remember spending holidays alone and thinking my ship had sailed. So I sit here typing these words to you, my friends. Let us not overlook what has brought us where we are today. The stops we have made. The wrong turns and the right ones. I am handing over the keys to an era of my life I could have never imagined. A life so full I could not hold it some days. Here's to velcro sneakers and sippy cups. Frozen on the DVD player and 3 boys in my backseat. Godspeed.  Hijacked. Triggered. On Alert. On Edge. Uneasy. Icky. These are all words that describe how I feel when I am leaving my body as a result to some stimulus. And while I hate that my body has a physical response to certain triggers, my therapist has helped me realize that my body is doing its job. It is trying to keep me safe. It is sounding an alarm, and that is a good thing in the end. Whether you have been to therapy or not, you may recognize similar feelings and wonder how you can get back into your body and out of that fight, flight, or freeze response. Below I have listed some concrete ways to do so: 5 ways to get back into your body:
I hope these techniques have given you some concrete tools you can readily adapt the next time you are feeling a fight, flight, or freeze response. They have certainly helped me get back into my body. May you find more peace and belonging through my words. Please know that you are not alone. Godspeed. 
 Have you ever put yourself into timeout as an adult? Either your behavior was less than stellar or your attitude needed an adjustment? You were snapping at the kids for no reason, huffy with your spouse, or just spewing frustration with each breath? If you were your parent, you would have probably sent you to your room to cool off. I have learned to do that for myself. I even announce it. "Guys, mommy needs a time out. I will be back in 5 minutes. Please allow me those 5 minutes to myself." I hope this is modeling to my boys that even adults have meltdowns and need a moment. Let's talk about how to take an adult time-out and what to do during your adult time-out. How to take an adult time-out:
What an adult time-out may look like:
I was talking to a close friend the other day about the parenting we received as GenX kids. I was comparing it to the parenting I try to dole out and joked "man, I hope I'm not messing my kids up." We proceeded to have a lengthy conversation in which we semi-concluded that our generation is all in therapy because emotions were not allowed or acknowledged. We had to figure it out on our own while our kids' generation seems to start going to therapy in middle school. All or nothing? Where is the balance? This isn't funny and it isn't lost on me. At some point, I do just want my kids to be kids. On the other hand, I want them to learn how to process their emotions instead of shoving their feelings inside. If anyone knows the answer to this, let me know!!! 😜 In the end, I think we are all doing the best we can with the time, energy, and knowledge we have. Just remember... adults can take a time-out too. I highly encourage it. Godspeed. I love interacting with my readers. If you try taking a time-out, I would love to hear the results! For more of an inside look into my days, you can follow me on TikTok, Instagram, or Facebook. Please support my other hope*writers by reading their works using the prompt word PAUSE: Pause in His Presence by Sharla Hallett https://sharlahallett.com/pause-in-his-presence/ Power of the Pause by Ashley Olivine https://www.ashleyolivine.com/power-of-the-pause/ Don’t Stress, Pause and Refresh Regina Marcazzo-Skarka https://wordpress.com/post/reginamarcazzoskarka.com/147 When Hitting Pause is What We Need by Dianne Vielhuber https://simplewordsoffaith.com/2023/02/01/letting-your-doing-and-being-collide/ The Pause that Creates by MelAnn https://lifesouvenirs.net/p/the-pause-that-creates  Ancestry.com has become very popular in the past 10-15 years. I decided to join Ancestry.com in 2019. My husband and I took our tests initially and then I bought my parents the tests a few months later. Ancestry can be as public or as private as you like. You also have the option to delete your DNA results at any time. If you have been thinking about joining Ancestry.com but are on the fence, check out a few of the features listed below. I pay a little extra to see the detailed documents because those interest me, but the basic plan also gives you tons of information into your family history.
One of the new features of ancestry.com breaks down which parts of your ethnicity you obtained from which parent. The technology allows for this even without your parents' DNA - which as a scientist by trade - amazes me! I love that I have access to so many historical documents through Ancestry.com. I have seen marriage records, birth and death certificates, census records, military paperwork, and immigration records.
 I'm listening to Jodi Picoult and Jennifer Finney Boylan's "Mad Honey" and I have already had to pause the audio to record some quotes in the notes section of my phone. I do this with my favorite novels, and this one will stick with me for a while I am sure. Lily states, "It's inconceivable if you think about it. The complex ways people have come up with for being horrible to one another." And she is right. I'm reminded almost weekly as I parent tween children just how mean human beings can be and how easy it is for unkindness to spread. It can be quite contagious, and fighting it can be quite tricky. One of the famous quotes I try to implement into my daily life comes from United States radio host Bernard Meltzer. Bernard's words are: “Before you speak ask yourself if what you are going to say is true, is kind, is necessary, is helpful. If the answer is no, maybe what you are about to say should be left unsaid.”
I also remind myself that Hurt People Hurt People. Dear Therapist has helped me envision an angry or venomous adult's wounded inner child, but that still doesn't make their words or behavior any easier to swallow. So I go back to what I can control: my thoughts, my environment (somewhat), the people I choose to spend time with, how I treat others, my behavior, my attitude, my choices, and my boundaries. Today's post was just a quick reminder to Be Kind and that Kindness Matters. We never know the difference one smile can make in another person's life. Godspeed.  I recently polled my readers and IG followers as to what they were planning to do the first weekend after New Year's. 90% responded with "declutter and organize." Research has shown that there are 3 times of year when we naturally hum with purging and sorting energy. Those times are at the beginning of a new calendar year, when spring arrives, and when school starts. Even if we are not students or teachers, we buzz off the energy of those who are and we naturally want to purge and sort in August or September. While I know most of us have the "want to" to declutter, the question then becomes "but how?" - how do we transfer that energy and desire into action?
I have a few other tips for harnessing your purging and sorting energy:
I hope this motivates you to start purging at least one corner of your home. One closet. One drawer. One pile. It feels SO GOOD to have less "stuff" to manage and maintain. The older I get, the less I want to corral! Be sure to follow me on TikTok, Instagram, or Facebook! I love interacting with my readers!  I had no idea what body armoring was until I met my current therapist. I had been doing it FOR YEARS, but I would just call it "stress" or "tension." Once she named it for me, it made total sense. I was putting on a suit of armor to protect against emotional warfare. If you are reading this post, you have probably been doing this for years yourself. You are not alone, and you CAN get that armor off, my friend. It just takes TIME and WORK, and in my experience, some really good therapy. This post is an intentionally short post just to introduce you to the topic and allow you some time and space to research further. I am not a licensed therapist, so I tread lightly on giving mental health advice, BUT I do want to spread information that has helped me and may also help you. Godspeed.  Legos and Laundry. These have been in my living room and dining room for over 10 years now. Should legos be in the rooms where we eat or relax? Should laundry? I say - YES. I have wanted to be a mother since I can remember. I babysat most of the kids in my neighborhood. Back when 12-year-olds could safely keep a few toddlers without any cell phones to reach any adults. Back when toddlers were thrilled to have said 12-year-old-neighbor-girl to make them pretend-school-worksheets and teach them how to hopscotch. Those were the days. Back to the legos and the laundry, there are many days where "I can't wait until this house is in order and everything is in its place and nobody's dirty socks or underwear will be on the floor!". But now that I've had one successfully leave the nest, I don't catch myself wincing over the legos or the laundry as much. See I know those cleats will be gone one day. I know that clarinet practice I hear from upstairs will be a distant memory. I know the messy rooms and the slammed doors and the "WHATTTTT?" of a teenager (with the required eye roll) will soon be in my rearview. And sometimes it catches my breath. Because I know. I know I will go from discussions around algebra to conversations about mortgages. From little league to stadiums. From junior Broadway productions to a college stage, perhaps. It's the perhaps that gets me too. See they were little, hard to believe but true. No bigger than my short arms could nuzzle. And I rocked them every night. And I picked out their nursery furniture and their first backpack and their first set of beliefs in many ways. But they're growing up. And they're SO smart. They can think for themselves and they challenge me, too. Make my brain stretch. Make my heart explode. I didn't know it could feel so good and so awful at the same time. Good that they're becoming themselves and that they're happy. Awful that I can't protect them and keep them from getting bumped and bruised like we all did. Now when I hang up that uniform or listen to the show soundtrack for the 100th time, I just smile. I let the legos pile up. I keep the clean clothes folded in the basket on the dining room table. And I hold my breath just a few more years and soak in every minute that I can get with them. How many more loads of laundry will I get? I think any mother would agree there is never enough. Written by one sappy mom to anyone else who feels this. Written when my boys are 10, 12, and 20. Written when I'm sandwiched between launching children and caring for aging parents. Written when the world seems automated and conversations seem rare. Written with my own youth creeping toward my rearview, with a coffee mug in my hand, and a knowing heart swollen in my chest. Godspeed.  I love planning. Lots and lots of planning. I wish I could say I have time to do all the planning I want to do, but let's be honest, I waste time with Netflix and TikTok instead. That's okay, though. Sometimes that "wasting time" is our mind, body, and spirit recovering from all the daily input and stressors. But every year around this time, I go full-speed PLANNING MODE to prep for a new year. I have found it both helpful and invigorating to plan for a new year with new opportunities. Fresh starts are endless, necessary, and exciting. Please enjoy my top 10 planning hacks:
To further understand what each one of these hacks entails, let's dig a little deeper:
I hope this content gives you ideas and energy towards the art of planning as it affects your life. Some of my best days were planned. Some were not. And that's okay. Listen to your body and follow its lead. Your body knows what plans feel good for you. Godspeed. ☀️ Please support my fellow hope*writers by reading their work based on the prompt word PLAN: A New Plan, Again by Ashley Olivine https://www.ashleyolivine.com/a-new-plan-again/ A New Year Plan by Regina Marcazzo-Skarka https://reginamarcazzoskarka.com/2023/01/01/january-1-2023-a-new-year-plan/  Mom. Mama. Pinky. Jan. Janice. Dear. Sis. She will answer to any of these, but I believe "Pinky" is her favorite beckon. That's what her 3 grandsons call her. She didn't become a grandmother until she was 58 after believing it may not ever happen for her. Accounting. Bookkeeping. Payroll. Spreadsheets. Analysis. She has done that for work and now as a retired wife and home finance piddler, trying to spread retirement funds in all the right directions. She didn't finish her bachelor's degree until she was 48. That's perseverance and determination. And sacrifice. Don't think I didn't see you, Mom. Cook. Grocery shopper. Queen of the kitchen. Not only did she work, she cooked. She had homemade meals on the table for us every night (that we were home with all of our extracurriculars). And we ate together. At the table. With the TV off. You taught me to cook, Mom. No set lessons. Just daily presence. Daily consistency. I cook because of you, your mother, and your aunts. It dripped down into me, and I thank you. Culture. Music. Theatre. Movies. Travel. Books. I credit both Mom and Dad for this, but I think mom's love for the arts fueled my own. Mom wasn't a musician or an artist. She didn't write for fun like I do today. Children weren't always encouraged to pursue creativity in the 1950's and 1960's, so she made sure that we could do so. She is now sprinkling this love into my firstborn, and he knows it. They are magnets for one another, and I love to see their attraction. Thank you, Mom. Everybody deserves at least one magnet. Physical touch. Back scratches. Hands held. Hugs. Cuddles. Loving tenderness. I am a nurse because of you. I am realizing this more and more every day as I straddle launching children and aging parents. I learned to touch and care from you. One of my boys recently asked me "how did you know how to do that mom?" when he saw me soothing a baby and keeping her entertained. I learned it from you. I watched you and I received love from you. Thank you for giving me softness. I'm hard and sharp in so many ways. I need that cushion you have given me. Peace. Restraint. Calm. I've seen you mad, but only when necessary. Mostly I see restraint and thought. Intentional words and actions. Maturity. The tornado inside of me is calmed by your grounding, and for that I am forever grateful. I got my feistiness from your mother, and I see your sensibility in my youngest. Thank you for giving me a mirror of you in him. He will always remind me of you in his tenderness. Your childhood was very different from mine. But God knew I would need someone to talk to about families that may look different. My adulthood has been very different from yours. But God knew you might be able to heal some from witnessing adults making decisions that are really hard and living through plans that don't always work out. That's what I want to believe, Mom. That we have taught each other. Helped each other grow. You're my best friend, Mom. And I see you. I don't believe in perfect. I see YOU. And you see ME. All the cracks. And we still choose each other. Thank you for loving me through all of it. We are not done yet. And I can't wait for the rest.
I don't know what your relationship is like with your mother. I don't know if your mom is alive or if she is already gone. I can't fix whatever may have happened with you and your mother. I can only share my truth and in this truth, I know that I am extremely lucky and blessed to have the mom I have and the relationship we have. Godspeed.   I love Christmas. I know for some the holidays are hard. Very hard. And as I get older, they are harder for me too. But I still have that child-like wonder and love for the holiday season. And I hope by traveling this list with me, you'll find a little whimsy inside your soul too.
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