My story is different
than most step-moms.
Almost seven when I met him
he already had a mom.
So I did what thought
a step-mom would do.
I had no child of my own.
Lord knows I did not have a clue
how to parent this sweet boy
who slept down the hall
every other week for a week.
Thus we stumbled; there were falls.
Those early years of homework
and karate class.
Parent-teacher conferences where
I was often asked
if I was his mom, since I was the only one
who seemed tuned in
who emailed and would come
to all his events, I was all in.
Meanwhile I had my babies
20 months apart, back to back.
Boys upon boys,
our schedules were packed.
Those years of one on the hip
and one in the belly
and one hitting puberty.
I wish THIS wiser me could tell THAT younger me
that it would all work out
one way or another;
but his daddy and I
we fought over and over.
I saw coddling.
He saw support.
I saw side-taking.
He saw retort.
Step-son soon lived with us
full-time and that was that.
I was really his mom.
She stopped putting on the act.
So I again tried to treat all 3 the same
"we have rules in this house"
"If you did it, take the blame."
But Daddy (to me) just couldn't allow
his oldest who had been hurt
to be kept in tow.
Maybe by him, but never by me.
Maybe on a Tuesday, but never consistently.
So the marital battle of blended families began.
It wasn't "yours, mine, and ours"
it was "Me & The Little Two versus Them."
And it divided us, collided us,
excised us from the family that I had prayed for
and dreamed of and waited for...
But I didn't know how to fix it,
The divide between the 5 of us.
I was "always too hard on him,"
I needed to "chill out and stop caring so much."
This passionate mama doesn't know how to do that.
I see my children and I want them to try and to do their best.
Thus the battle continued. There were wounds. There were scars.
Being a full-time step-parent has left its mark.
On our marriage. On my spirit. On my step-son, I'm sure.
The war still continues as we are almost 2 years in
to him being an adult and out of the house.
I have certain expectations. I require a text or call now and then.
I wish I could tell you it's easy or fun.
Maybe for some folks it is, but not for us.
Trying to glue us back together
has been the hardest thing I have EVER done.
But we keep on trying
Keep on fighting
Is it Fighting
or is it Trying?
The world keeps spinning
The time keeps ticking
The years seem shorter
The road can seem colder...
but sometimes on a Saturday
when I watch my children smile and play,
I remember that it's worth it and HE is worth it
and WE are worth it. I sigh and sleep the hurt away.
So if you love someone you didn't make
You see their soul, and you feel their ache,
Remember that they know the truth
And love is really all they need from you.
If you love someone you didn't make, I see you. You are seen. And you matter.
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