 My husband owned a small lawn business for 13 years. While it definitely had it perks, he has since returned to working for a large corporation. Boy do I wish someone had told me all the things THEN that I know NOW about owning a small business- especially one in which services are sold versus products. Labor services at that. There was a steep learning curve for this NP, but it definitely added to my life experience and business savvy.
This post does not align with most of my content, BUT with mowers buzzing outside my window as spring marches on, it prompted me to reflect on those years in the lawn industry. I do not regret those years at all. They afforded me the opportunity to work part-time for 2 years when my boys were little. I was very proud of the services we provided, and I was extremely proud of my husband's efforts as a business owner and entrepreneur.
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At the end of the day. At the end of my life. When I'm old and gray. When I'm free from strife. I will smile every time I remember your face. And no one can take that from us. Godspeed. 
 One of the most common questions I am asked during a wellness visit (routine physical) is "when should I get a colonoscopy?" . I was not asked this question as often 10 years ago or even 5 years ago, but there has finally been an increased awareness among the general population with colorectal cancer. As a former med/surg nurse, I took care of countless patients after their colonoscopy or even their colon resection for colon cancer. I helped care for their fresh colostomy site and stumbled to find the "right" words to give them comfort. I have one patient etched in my heart who lost his battle to CRC (colorectal cancer) at age 27. I was only 23 or 24 myself at that time. His young wife and 2 year old son stayed with him as much as they could. He had a suprapubic catheter (one that came out of his abdomen directly from his bladder to drain his urine) because the cancer had eaten through his entire pelvic cavity. I cried on my way home every time I took care of him. But I wanted to take care of him. I wanted him to see someone close to his age. Someone that didn't pity him like a child "poor dear" and all the other patronizing words I heard some of our senior nurses mumble. He and I would talk about TV shows and popular songs, whatever we could that would help him feel a little more "normal." This post isn't about him, it's about all of my patients. That said, I couldn't write this post without mentioning him because his life mattered and my time with him touched me forever. I could not write this post without telling you about another dear friend who lost his 6-year battle with CRC in 2020 at the age of 44. Out of love for his family, I will leave his story at that but HE MATTERED and MATTERS and cancer statistics are NOT just numbers my friends! They are mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, sons, daughters, friends, employees, bosses, lovers, neighbors, coworkers, and beyond. The next time you see a cancer statistic on the news, I hope you pause and remember reading this post. So the question remains: When should I get a colonoscopy? In the words of my beloved GI colleague, "45 is the new 50!".
The earlier CRC is found, the better the 5-year survival rate. We can easily remove a 5mm or smaller polyp in the colon and prevent it from ever becoming a malignant tumor. Yes there are some other screening tests on the market that have their place and time, BUT nothing beats a visual inspection by a well-trained eye looking for colon cancer. Direct visualization - there is nothing better!
The prep is not always "a gallon of nasty stuff" anymore either. There are a variety of prep techniques, so please don't let a colonoscopy prep prevent you from possibly saving your own life. You are NOT awake during the procedure. I have had one and I can tell you with certainty that I do not remember any of it AND I had zero soreness after the procedure. It was honestly a much-needed fantastic nap and a day off work. I urge you to see your PCP for a colonoscopy referral from a GI specialist if you are 45 years old or older and have never had one. If you have certain risk factors or family history, you should have a colonoscopy before age 45. Your PCP should be able to guide you. Any bright red rectal bleeding or alternating constipation and diarrhea needs to be worked up by your medical team. Please do not hesitate to seek care for those issues! I hope this answers your questions about colonoscopy screening. If polyps are found on your colonoscopy, your GI provider may want to repeat your scope in 2 years, 3 years, or 5 years depending on they type of polyp (per pathology diagnosis). If your colonoscopy is clear and there is no family history of CRC (or other extenuating risk factors), you will probably receive a 10-year pass. Most insurance companies pay very well for colonoscopy screening, BUT most insurances have a certain deductible each year that enrollees must meet, so do not be surprised when the procedure is not 100% free like your mammogram or pap smear was. Do not let cost stop you, though! It is well worth your insurance deductible. You can always call ahead to find out what your out-of-pocket expense will be, and most healthcare facilities offer payment arrangements. Please comment below if you have any other specific questions.  There she is, bright red hair Big blue eyes, skin so fair All those freckles, my oh my Surely, she can never hide “Hey girl, hey”, the boys looked on Look at her with that black dress on But she’s not the same as the other girls She speaks her mind, she says big words You’re just a friend, Aim, it’s no big deal I can’t look at you as more, that’s just how I feel You’re one of the guys Aim, don’t get so mad Now why on Earth would that make you sad? Does she like me? Does she think I’m cute?!? All the boys would ask me about my friends in suit Will she date me? Can I make her mine? All the guys looked past me. I never crossed their mind. Should I play dumb? Should I change my ways? Am I that unattractive? Am I just that plain? I could dye my hair. I could bat my eyes. I could try to say less. I could minimize Myself for them. I would do it, I would. If I act helpless or scared, will that make me good Enough to touch and think about at night? Because I can change, I can dim my light Think small, do less, don’t let the boys see That you are the QUEEN, Her Majesty Just play it cool, don’t reveal your Ace Giggle at their jokes, soften up your face All the boys like a damsel in distress Stop keeping it clean, try to create a mess They can rush in and "fix" and make things nice Let them be the best; don’t forget they’re always right Change is hard, you know – it’s okay to cry I don’t cry though boys – I’m just one of the guys If I’m being honest, I’m more like you than them I’m an Alpha with a D cup bra, where does that fit in? Yeah, I said it, I can say it, I’m tired of playing along This is my little poem, this is my Fight Song I am done with placating; I am done being small This is me, Smart and Driven, this is me, Curves and Gall I will no longer apologize for my strength I will face you head-on, I do not hesitate There she is, bright red hair Big blue eyes, skin so fair  photo credit: www.gretchenrubin.com Gretchen Rubin is an author, podcaster, mom, wife, lifelong learner whom began her career as a lawyer. I have read 4 of her books and saw her at a live event in Atlanta in 2019. I listen to her podcast when I can, and I love her curiosity about life, community, relationships, and self. Gretchen developed a framework from which she thinks people are motivated and then named the 4 tendencies based upon said motivations. Gretchen's 4 Tendencies are:
More about each of the 4 Tendencies:
I asked my parents, spouse, and oldest child to take the quiz so that I can better understand what motivates them. Knowing the tendency of someone you love has made a difference in my life. If that person is not easily motivated by external forces, then I may realize that my actions may not affect their efforts whatsoever. If the ARE motivated by external sources, I take that into consideration before asking them to do something.  Jan 30, 2021- Feb 3, 2021 Red, painful eyes start with painful vision and light sensitivity (UVEITIS). Feb 3, 2020-Feb 8, 2020 Tiny dots of a rash begin on my neck- they don't itch, burn, or hurt at this point. I call my dermatologist to schedule a biopsy, assuming this must be related to my sarcoidosis. Feb 3-March 8, 2021 Rash kept getting bigger and more painful. Not responding to topical Rx creams. Went for 2nd biopsy on March 8th, the day I started my 30-day medical leave. Focused on walking, sleeping, hydrating, and eating clean. Also journaling and resting. March 8-April 8, 2021 Off work. Tried the AIP Diet. No gluten, no dairy, no sugar. Derm and Rheum also put heads together to double my Methotrexate dose. The diet was difficult but my joints and skin "felt" better even though my skin still needed lots of help! April 8- August 8, 2021 Back at work. Still working covid. Boys off for the summer during some of that time. Started Humira in May 2021 and stopped Methotrexate. Skin would wax and wane, but I would say it eventually cleared by early to mid-August. Joints feel much better on Humira. Energy level too.
September 2021 Had my 2nd episode of uveitis. That responded quickly to Prednisone eye drops. Skin pretty clear, but under more stress with some work and family stuff. Delta variant of covid is ravaging my patient population and friends. Evidence of proteinuria again so will follow-up with my nephrologist (that's more sarc-related, less psoriasis-related). Still on Humira. Echo and PFT's slightly worse than last year, but lung & spleen CT's show that the Humira is controlling my sarcoidosis. March 2022 I have had at least 2 more episodes of uveitis since the last update. Skin stays mostly clear with the occasional flare in the anterior portion (front) of my neck. I wrote this piece for all of my fellow Psoriasis Warriors who are
walking this painful, lonely road. It is SO HARD. One can think they are not a vain person, but when your LARGEST ORGAN (your skin) is literally on fire with inflammation, it's hard to "hide" from vanity, comparison, self-loathing, and frustration. If you love someone with psoriasis, please share this with them and with others who love them. I hope it brings someone comfort to know they are not alone and that there are those people who will love us no matter what.  Monthly meal planning has taken me YEARS to develop. One thing to note is that there are 3 adults rotating the cooking in my family. My parents live 2 doors down from us and we decided many years ago that it was easier to feed 7 than 2 (for them) and that mom didn't mind cooking for 7 twice a week if it meant she and dad would be fed by us several nights per week. Some weeks that looks different. Since my husband and I both commute about an hour each way to our jobs, and he works night shift, my mom may have to cook 3 times some weeks. Kids' sports and school activities can also affect our cooking rotation. Let's look at monthly meal planning with a few good tips or rules to get you started:
Now let's look at each question in more detail:
Pro tip: track what you are currently eating for a week or two as you are mentally preparing yourself to begin this process. Just like "getting on a budget" - it is extremely helpful to see what you are currently eating as a family. If you are eating out 5 out of 7 nights, it is unfair to expect you will start cooking 5 out of 7 nights immediately. That is a recipe for disaster! Pun intended! Maybe try cooking 3 nights at first. START SMALL! Good luck and just remember: it doesn't have to be fancy, it just has to be planned.  Photo Credit: Annie Spratt I was eager and he was young I was ready but he was numb I was happy and he was still I was hopeful but he was nil We had some laughs We had some smiles I read to him at night Does he remember those times? Then I had his brothers and he backed away or did I hedge him out? who could truly say? Come to me sweet boy not you, I mean him I mean all 3 of you silly I mean all of 3 of them It's different they all say he's not your blood Is it different? Aren't they all different? It's clouded. It's mud. I'm stuck and he's stuck. He looks and I look. We smile and they smile. I ache and he aches. We give and we take and sometimes it all breaks. His daddy can't get it. How could he? It's pointless. But I have to get it. And do it. And "go on, sis" Keep going. Keep numbing. I didn't know it. He didn't know it. We didn't know it but we did it and here we are and we are in it. So I look at him, a product as much of me as his dad. And I don't know what to do with it. I have these other 2 on my tab. The deductions, subtractions, additions?, conditions? It's all hard and whoever says that it isn't just ISN'T telling the truth dear. See I try to be real. He's "not mine" but I'm his and we're each other's and how does that feel? Would I change it? Some days I would. In a heartbeat. Not a second thought. But does he need me and do I need him and are we better because we came together when we were both broken and wounded and bleeding and cold Now we're mending and warmer and dare I say, a little old. Was it easy? It's been the hardest thing I've ever done. It can push 2 lovers apart quicker than any weapon, any gun, any bullet to the heart that's how some moments felt I have wept, I have wailed, I have screamed, I have knelt But one day his daddy may find out what it took to hold it ALL together and to remain unshook in the quake of dysfunction and abandonment and grief of a sweet little boy looking helplessly at me. She didn't stay, sweet baby, and I'm so sorry. I can't explain it. But I'm here and I'm not leaving, and I promise - I wouldn't change it. To every little boy or every little girl who had a mama or a daddy step up outside of the DNA lines. This is to you dear ones and to the strong adults who have rearranged their hearts and lives for you. We wouldn't change it.  During the Summer of 2021, we took our rising 6th and 4th grader to Alabama Adventure Amusement Park in Birmingham, AL. We had watched a few YouTube reviews of the park and read what precautions they were taking for the pandemic. Since I am immunocompromised, we decided to rent a cabana for the entire day just for a little extra precaution. The price for the cabana was TOTALLY worth the money! We plan to go back and rent one again!
 My story is different than most step-moms. Almost seven when I met him he already had a mom. So I did what thought a step-mom would do. I had no child of my own. Lord knows I did not have a clue how to parent this sweet boy who slept down the hall every other week for a week. Thus we stumbled; there were falls. Those early years of homework and karate class. Parent-teacher conferences where I was often asked if I was his mom, since I was the only one who seemed tuned in who emailed and would come to all his events, I was all in. Meanwhile I had my babies 20 months apart, back to back. Boys upon boys, our schedules were packed. Those years of one on the hip and one in the belly and one hitting puberty. I wish THIS wiser me could tell THAT younger me that it would all work out one way or another; but his daddy and I we fought over and over. I saw coddling. He saw support. I saw side-taking. He saw retort. Step-son soon lived with us full-time and that was that. I was really his mom. She stopped putting on the act. So I again tried to treat all 3 the same "we have rules in this house" "If you did it, take the blame." But Daddy (to me) just couldn't allow his oldest who had been hurt to be kept in tow. Maybe by him, but never by me. Maybe on a Tuesday, but never consistently. So the marital battle of blended families began. It wasn't "yours, mine, and ours" it was "Me & The Little Two versus Them." And it divided us, collided us, excised us from the family that I had prayed for and dreamed of and waited for... But I didn't know how to fix it, The divide between the 5 of us. I was "always too hard on him," I needed to "chill out and stop caring so much." This passionate mama doesn't know how to do that. I see my children and I want them to try and to do their best. Thus the battle continued. There were wounds. There were scars. Being a full-time step-parent has left its mark. On our marriage. On my spirit. On my step-son, I'm sure. The war still continues as we are almost 2 years in to him being an adult and out of the house. I have certain expectations. I require a text or call now and then. I wish I could tell you it's easy or fun. Maybe for some folks it is, but not for us. Trying to glue us back together has been the hardest thing I have EVER done. But we keep on trying Keep on fighting Is it Fighting or is it Trying? The world keeps spinning The time keeps ticking The years seem shorter The road can seem colder... but sometimes on a Saturday when I watch my children smile and play, I remember that it's worth it and HE is worth it and WE are worth it. I sigh and sleep the hurt away. So if you love someone you didn't make You see their soul, and you feel their ache, Remember that they know the truth And love is really all they need from you. Keep loving. Love heals. If you love someone you didn't make, I see you. You are seen. And you matter.  2 year anniversary of covid- what isn't in the news or really discussed publicly:
What is working?
What is not working?
What's next? What do I want more of?
Okay, so what does my list of "stuff" have to do with you? It's meant to be a guide or a tool for you to do your own quarterly review. What is working? What is not working? What do you want more of? Or less of? What have you learned in the last 3 months? I encourage you to take a few moments to yourself in one of those cracks of time we all barely get these days. Write it down. Type it in your phone notes. Say it out loud if you want to do that. But give it some THOUGHT. Consistent quarterly reviews or seasonal reflections can be life-giving and increase your productivity, contentment, and enthusiasm for what lies before you! Godspeed. ❤️  photo credit: Oluwaseyi Johnson Was it luck that the young mother of three bumped her head on the bed post and came in to see me? She was picking up a toy that had fallen into the abyss between the bed and the wall but I felt we better not miss an internal bleed in her brain those are rare but not good so I ordered the CT scan and we both went back to mothering our brood When the phone rang that night I can't remember if I dropped the phone It's a brain tumor, and it's big Can you call her at home? Was it luck when the car struck her from behind? Plastic and metal shredded and busted near the yellow line Her head hurt, her neck hurt to the doctor she went And the MRI that was supposed to check bones instead showed a hint of the cancerous tumor that was showing no signs it was in her thyroid, she had no symptoms God was definitely on time Was it luck when she came to tell me she was in pain? Her abdomen was cramping, her bowel movements had changed As the dutiful NP, I pulled up her old scans Has anyone ever mentioned your lungs to you ma'am? My lungs, why would they? My lungs are fine well it says on here that there's an issue - do you mind if I order a CT scan of them just to be safe? God was nudging me, directing me, showing me the way Pulmonary fibrosis? what in the world is that? Well, sweetheart, it's serious, sit down, we need to chat Unfortunately it's the same way my own disease often ends Here's my number, you can call me, I actually do understand Was it luck when she looked at me with frustration and contempt? Ma'am I'm sorry I just met you, let me see if I can help You can't help me she thought, they've already run all the tests God tapped my shoulder, I looked a little deeper, there was one thing left I'm sure it's nothing, but let's check this one last thing It's an ultrasound, I know you're frustrated, but let's do it, okay? Okay, she said, and I wasn't sure she would actually do it But days later the phone rang, there's an issue, there's fluid The young colleague who sent her to me called me for advice What do I order next? What do you think it is? I'm not sure what to try. So I made my suggestions and prayed I was wrong. Come on Lord, let's let this young patient just move along. But He couldn't and she couldn't and my colleague and I cried Another cancer, a bad one, it's not fair, it's not right Was it luck that I've found some of these things at the craziest times? Or was it God this whole time leading me with His light? I'm no saint, I'm a sinner, I get fired up, I have faults, I get loud But when I slow down and I pray and I look up to those clouds I can feel Him, sometimes it's so strong I just weep Like right now as I type this, and all those nights I've lost sleep These are a mere few of the miracles I have watched unfold in my tiny little town with my regular little folks Are we special? am I special? I don't claim any of it as mine It's His, I'm a vessel, I'm a sparrow, I'm a scribe Dear Lord, there have been so many times I have seen You. Why me? Am I doing it right? I sure do try, but I need You. When the going gets tough, and my stethoscope seems too much My alarm goes off again, and I feel Your gentle nudge You'll tell me when it's time. When my service is up. It wasn't luck, God. It's been You. Knowing that is enough. Amen. Author's note: Age and any identifying factors have been changed due to federal privacy laws. Please help support my fellow hope*writers by visiting their pieces using the prompt work LUCK:
You are Not Lucky You are Blessed by Lisa Granger https://lisamarcelina.net/you-are-not-lucky-you-are-blessed/ Luck by Dianne Vielhuber https://simplewordsoffaith.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=10672&action=edit What Does Luck Have to Do With It? By Lori Shoaf https://www.lorishoaf.com/inspiringstories/what-does-luck-have-to-do-with-it Luck of an Evacuee by Ashley Olivine https://ashleyolivine.com/luck-of-an-evacuee/
Dear God, show me the way I am on this road Lord Do I exit or do I stay? I was once a little girl Learning the Apostle's Creed and the Lord’s Prayer Now I am a grown woman And I have seen far too much despair I have healed some I have broken some Bodies and hearts and souls And as I travel down this road Lord I reach desperately for your hand to hold There are nights I feel so lonely I know you are there but I can’t find you There is an emptiness that can control me I try to fight it but it obscures you There is beauty in the absence Sometimes I see it and sometimes I feel it A tree that has shed its leaves A body beyond Earth's healing A notebook blank and waiting for a pen A shared glance between strangers where love will soon begin A happy baby waiting for his first tooth A hopeful high school senior full of ambition and youth My Mammaw’s vase waiting for its perfect bouquet My middle schooler’s energy as he starts every single day Do I notice the widow alone on the bench? Do I dwell on her grief - Do I absorb her heart-wrench? Or do I peek in the bird’s nest that comes every spring? And await its perfect eggs Soon baby birds with tiny wings There is beauty in the absence God For even sorrow and loss is proof of love I will travel the road you paved for me Gently nudge me in those quiet corners Lord Help me remember I am enough Amen.  I distinctly remember a conversation I had with an acquaintance when I was a brand new NP in my late 20s. I did not have children yet, but I had made some poor money decisions (traveling and shopping outside of my means mostly). The woman chatting with me (who was 10-15 years my senior) said "Oooooooh, I can only imagine how much money you make. You're a nurse practitioner!" She added "If I were you, I would go get a Starbucks every day! I would pay someone to clean my house! I would buy whatever I wanted." What she didn't know:
What I didn't know:
So - what does any of that have to do with me taking my lunch to work every day as an adult? The truth is, everything. Every. Single. Thing. My plans for this post were to include healthy lunch tips. I was going to post pictures of a variety of healthy lunches I have made and taken (those don't happen during baseball season). I was going to calculate the money I have saved over the past 12-15 years I have been brown-bagging my lunch. But here's the truth. This is why I take my lunch every day. Are you ready?
And I guess me laying all that out to you, friends, is the point. I like the truth. I like the real WHY. I see through the frivolities in life and I shudder at the brand-chasing and label-seeking that drives so many. There is no dollar amount one could pay me to give up my kindergarten-style lunches. It's what I need at this moment right now, and it keeps me sane. Time is my Starbucks - freedom is my housekeeper. To write, to think, to create, to build something from nothing. That's what I chase. Until then, there's homework and practice and rehearsal and charts. Laundry and dishes and puberty and a tired Mom pouring her heart out on the internet. Find your "lunch" --- figure out what keeps you off the edge and what you really want to chase. Godspeed. ❤️ 
Does any of this sound familiar? It can be so VERY painful! How do we handle it? How do we move forward? I am currently working on being more vulnerable with my SAFE trusted people. I do not encourage jumping into vulnerability with strangers or acquaintances - you will almost always get burned. Instead, I encourage you to try it - tiptoe into it- with a very few people that you trust. Share your true feelings. Your fears. Your struggles. Your feelings of inadequacy. Your shame. But beware- even your SAFE people may not know what to do when you share these things. You may be the one who is always strong. You may be the one who always helps others but never needs help. This may be due to your Enneagram or personality type, or it may be a learned skill from your family of origin. And by skill, I also mean defense or coping mechanism, but I digress... So... what if you finally open up with said trusted people and they don't know how to respond? What next? My suggestion is to allow THEM time to process it. After all, they aren't used to you coming to them for advice or support. After adequate time has passed, ask them if you two can talk about it. Remind them that you shared this with them because you trust them and you value their feedback. If they are unable to support you for whatever reason, you will know that they might not be someone you can turn to in a time of need or that right now they just do not have the bandwidth to support you. And that's okay. If you receive pushback from your person or one of the rejections I listed above, then perhaps this says more about them and their own feelings of self-worth or lack thereof. Perhaps empathy is not their strong suit. Perhaps not being the center of attention does not fit within their needs. Perhaps supporting you takes too much of their energy that they would rather spend elsewhere. And if so, then you have your answer. Take that however you choose. So that covers the topic of vulnerability with SAFE loved ones. What about rejection? Rejection can occur in friendships, romantic relationships, at work, at your child's activities (mom hate, anybody? or mom cliques?). Rejection can be aggressive and in-your-face or it can be silent and manipulative. Rejection can be someone you love simply not supporting you or asking about your newfound passion or project (or marriage or kids or job or anything for that matter). That feels like rejection, right? Rejection can be passive-aggressive or outright pointed and forceful. Anything that makes us feel like our efforts are either unnoticed or unappreciated or unsupported FEELS LIKE rejection. Perhaps your corporation just doesn't know what to do with you. So they just kinda ignore you and your talents and even though EVERYONE ELSE you encounter praises you, they just watch you from afar. Perhaps your love interest is jealous of your success, so instead of celebrating and bragging to others about you, they just sit quietly while complete strangers are the ones to congratulate you. Maybe your family members have always wanted to do what it is that you are actually brave enough to do now and so they can't find the words to talk with you about it. Their feelings of inadequacy outweigh their actual love for you and desire to support you. All this stuff is DEEP, ya'll - and it's real. I have witnessed it on both ends - both the recipient of rejection and the one crippled with (insert emotion here) so much that I couldn't tell my loved one I was proud of them. How many social media posts have you AVOIDED (scrolled right by) because you weren't sure what to comment or if you were truly happy for that person OR it made you feel some type of way? STOP RIGHT THERE. I know for 100% FACTS that I just told the truth. Every single person reading this right now has done that. DM me if I'm wrong. It's okay that you have done it (I've done it too!!!!), but I would encourage you to stop. Take some deep breaths. Walk outside if that's what grounds you. And ask yourself what emotion you are feeling and maybe why you are feeling it. That person who posted whatever it is that triggered you was NOT thinking about you when they posted it. (Everyone is always only thinking about themselves, 99% of the time, or so Dear Therapist reminds me regularly). Perhaps YOU need to work on whatever it is that was triggered inside you to the point that you couldn't congratulate or console someone you actually care about. I REPEAT. Perhaps YOU need to work on whatever it is that was triggered inside you to the point that you couldn't congratulate or console someone you actually care about. Again, I am not a licensed therapist, but I have worked with patients for over 20 years. I'm in my second marriage. I am a regular mom and a full-time step-mom. I have been in and lived in functional families and dysfunctional families. I have been betrayed. I have been lied to and belittled. I am a trauma survivor and I am honestly only trying to help anybody, not everybody. If I can help one person know and feel that they are not alone, then me sitting here typing on my back patio on my glorious day off is worth every second of my time and ounce of my energy. The birds are chirping, ya'll. The sun is shining. And I want to live. I want to both be alive and enjoy my life. It's almost spring and I feel a shift on the horizon. I'm tired of all the surface conversations and BS. I'm ready to speak my truth. Vulnerability is hard and rejection stinks. Bottom line. But we can do better. We just have to pause, think, consider who it is we may be hurting (because of our own garbage we are also working on), and then do better. Godspeed.  In my 24 years of nursing / NP work, I have seen countless cardiac events either in action or the ramifications of such events. On a personal note, three of my four grandparents had strokes. I lost my paternal grandfather when I was only 4 and he was 55 due to a massive stroke. My paternal grandmother had stents in cardiac and non-cardiac arteries as well as "open heart surgery" CABG (coronary artery bypass graft). I have been affected by heart disease on a personal and a professional level, and I want to help patients understand the true risk of death and debility associated with cardiac events.
Here are the top 10 reasons I refer patients to the cardiologist:
Let's talk a little more about each of these 10 conditions and how a patient may actually present to my office with these symptoms.
I have had patients in their thirties suffer from strokes and heart attacks. I have seen heart failure, cardiac arrhythmias, and high blood pressure in patients from childhood, young adulthood, and beyond. I doubt there is anyone in America who does not personally know someone who has been affected by heart disease. In honor of America's Go Red for Women Month (every February), I encourage you to schedule your wellness exam with your primary care provider and to start paying more attention to your heart rate, blood pressure, water intake, weight changes, and dietary choices. Your heart matters to me! Godspeed.   I have a beefy cardiology post that was supposed to drop today, but I don't wanna. I've started it, and it's important, but it's way too serious after coming off a glorious restful vacation. Instead, I thought I would share all the random thoughts that have been filling up and overflowing from my overworked brain. Maybe you can relate. Maybe not. Either way, you might find these entertaining.
Anywho, it's Saturday- the sun in shining - and if you're exhausted parenting toddlers right now, just enjoy the Duplos and Play-Doh. Starbucks and Xbox await! Entitlement and minimal communication are just chillin' - they'll come soon enough! Godspeed moms and dads. How did our parents survive us? 🥰  When was the last time I felt challenged? I wake up, sip my coffee, trudge through my morning routine. Mouthful of medicine for my chronic illness. I write, I pray, I listen (to a book, podcast, or music). I chew my breakfast while I drive to my same place of employment for 14 years. I continue to listen (to the book, podcast, or music) OR I stare off into space while I drive. I get out of my car, unlock my office door, log into my work computers, and it begins. I get back in my car, return a million missed texts, phone calls, and emails as safely as I can using Apple Car Play / Siri Safe Drive. I pull into the garage and count down the hours until bedtime. I chew my supper while I try to remember my name. I chat with my family and aging parents about mostly-trivial but sometimes-important details. Another mouthful of medicine for my chronic illness. I look at my beautiful children in awe, and I wonder what kind of men they will be. I sit with my husband for an hour (if we are lucky) before he leaves for his night shift job. Bedtime routine for kiddos, occasionally a TV show that makes me think, and then I'm staring at my palm-sized demon looking for answers it does not contain. Is this it? Is this the peak or the valley? The joy or the pain? The calm or the storm? I don't know anymore. It all feels the same. Yes, yes a global pandemic has stripped me of some of my best days. It has calcified my heart and further thickened my skin. My eyes grow both weak and clouded. My soul is but an echo of its youthful GLOW. My mind, once invigorated and eager... my mind sits solemnly in the corner silently daring someone or something to call upon it. Goodnight, my once-lively darling. I have tucked you in every night for almost 2 years now. Your light is weak now, sweet darling. I see a glimmer. A flicker of promise. Can life wake you and shake you before your final flame burns? That is the challenge. No one else will save us or light our fire. We must find the spark, the ignition, the catalyst. Find a mirror, sweet darling - and DIG. DIG DEEP my darling. She is in there. Let us LIGHT HER ON FIRE again. That is the challenge. I wrote this for any person anywhere who feels like they are sleep-walking through life. You are not alone. We are all struggling. I stand with you. Let us find our fire again. Please help support my fellow hope*writers by visiting their work:
Writing Consistently is a Challenge by Regina Marcazzo-Skarka https://reginamarcazzoskarka.wordpress.com/2022/02/15/writing-consistently-is-a-challenge/ The Motherhood Penalty Challenge by Ashley Olivine https://www.ashleyolivine.com/the-motherhood-penalty-challenge/ Insomnia With Anxiety and How to Overcome the Challenge by Epigen Wellness Group https://www.epigenwellness.com/insomnia-with-anxiety-how-to-overcome-challenge/ Challenging Times and 3 Ways to Endure the Struggle by Lindsey Gibson https://lindseygibson.com/2021/02/21/challenging-times-3-ways-to-endure-the-struggle/ Jar Full of Manna 31 Day Discipleship Challenge by Kelly Heath https://jarfullofmanna.blog/2021/03/01/31-day-discipleship-challenge-how-to-follow-jesus/
We love the Rec Room open concept with the Kitchen sink, full-size refrigerator, pantry (with microwave), table for 6. We now have a coffee pot and a toaster down there for guests or for us. When our oldest comes home from the Air Force, he often brings the air fryer down there for snacks. Husband is refinishing a 100 year old pool table that is parallel to the kitchen table.
Husband did all the framing, wiring, plumbing, insulation, cabinet installation, lighting, and tiled the shower in the bathroom and the backsplash in the craft room. He installed the butcher block countertops in the kitchen area and in my craft room. We subbed out the HVAC, floors, drywall, paint, and trim.
The guest bedroom is huge and we now have a daybed and treadmill in there. I can even set up a full-size folding table for Christmas wrapping or other projects. It's perfect for a family with small children and our oldest loves the privacy when he comes home.
 I love a good cabin. I love the mountains, a lake, a fireplace or a fire pit, a nice breeze, trees, squirrels, birds, solitude, a good book with a cup of coffee, an ice cold beer with a bluetooth speaker, and TIME AWAY. I can't see all the things left undone. I can't feel all the weight of my daily routine. Out of sight, out of mind. TIME for myself and TIME for my family. TIME to sleep. TIME to eat and actually chew my food. TIME to watch a movie (without doing another task). TIME to lay the phone down. TIME to do nothing. TIME to think!!! TIME to talk. When did we stop talking? Okay, enough about my love affair with nature- let's get to the packing. ❤️ My Top 10 Cabin Trip Packing Tips:
Let's break each tip down further into more of a checklist so that we don't forget anything.
EXTRA PRO TIPS:
Bonus packing tips from my kids: Blanket, pillow from home, stuffed animals, toys, electronics (if parents allow), sound machine, nightlight, books, flops / play shoes *** they each said TOYS about 3x ***  photo credit: Josh Hild Have you ever been in a crowded room Conversations buzzing Bass guitar, drums kaboom Fun is in the air Laughter all around Does anyone notice I haven't been found? Sure, I am talking pushing out a nod yes Does anyone notice my brand new dress? I have so many ideas, fresh perspectives, big dreams Does anyone notice my ship is moving downstream? Hey, Listen! Watch this! Help me decide what to do! Does anyone notice I have dilemmas and crises too? Take, take, take Always dolling out the goods But I want to receive Dear Therapist told me I could! How do I ask for it? I thought I told them what I need. They can't handle me needing them. For I am the Savior indeed. Not the Savior like Jesus but the Solver, the Lover The Healer, The Lifter The Fixer, The Mother I want to be picked up. I want to be tucked in. I want to be protected. I want to be the less friend. Did I say less? Oh wow. I did. I'm too tired to be the best. I'm too broken to always mend. And pick up and clean up and listen and console. I want to be picked up. I'm no longer willing to be told that something else is more important and you can't handle anymore. I need a net, a pillow, a soft spot. I need a knock on my door. So if you're sitting at that table feeling overlooked and used. I see you, my fellow Fixer, Let's blow up this one-sided ruse. To all the Takers in this world. From all the tired, used Givers.
 2 steps forward 1 step back Don't look up dear Stay on track The path gets clear Then takes a turn The heat turns up I'm tired of the burn I want easy I want laze You choose chaos You like that maze My body is tired dear My mind is worn down But you love that adrenaline Too high to see my frown And all are watching All ears tuned in And you love that trophy Isn't the goal to win? My goal is tranquility My goal is to meld I want to feel seen babe I want to feel held Do you love me? Do you see me? Do you want me? Do you need me? Why am I asking when I should know? 2 steps forward 1 step back I can't look up dear I've lost the track For all the lovers of chaos from all the lovers of ease.  He sat down, head in hands, downward glance She looked up, tears in eyes, uneven stance I walked in, low on sleep, high on caffeine They walked by, on the street, young love, just teens He stood up, paper in hand, PowerPoint prepared She fell down, learning to walk, not nervous, not scared I walked in again, ready to listen, ready to care Do I absorb it, do I deflect it... do I share? The first one has a heavy load, family stuff, he's overwhelmed The second one feels trapped, but she's 83, where would she go? The third one is me, with my own load and I'm trying to figure it out Do I carry their burdens or give them back? I was never told... The fourth one is the big boss and the fifth one was once us While the overwhelmed man and the trapped senior unfurl It's good to remember that someone somewhere is in charge and someone somewhere is just a happy little girl The teens are just teens and I remember how that used to feel The butterflies, the headrush, the lovesongs, the thrill While I dance between empathy and boundary and pharmacy Someone somewhere is getting married or at a funeral or in the hospital nursery And so I sit here replaying today's events and my children's faces and my own dreams Do I let the man's troubles and the woman's sorrow fall off of me? Am I a sponge? A shield? Sand through a sieve? Where do I put it? How do I move it? What do I need? Dear Therapist once asked me "how do you feel? what are you feeling?" and I just stared. I ask that question, Madame. How do you dare! She brought out the preschool book and reminded me the names: anger, sadness, anxious, scared, and my favorite- SHAME! So I ask you, my brothers, my sisters, my friends Where do we put it? How do we move it? Where does it end? We are connected. Are we a puzzle? Passing ships on the same sea? I am you and you are me and we are thee. What is the answer? I need the code. I need the key. I will take today. You take tomorrow. Let's give her next week. He can do the dark nights. They can do the long fights. Let's share the joy and spread out the misery. Next time you see him. Next time you see her. Next time you see me. Remember the pleasantries are just a mask atop the real things. The real beauty of the patient-provider relationship is the back and forth. Never stop sharing with us. It's why we got into medicine. But if you love us or if you live with us and we are quiet or distant... We are simply trying to figure out where to put it. Godspeed.  If you are new to my page or new to baseball in general, please read my 15 THINGS I WISH I KNEW AS A FIRST-TIME BASEBALL MOM. After writing that lengthy post, I decided to give my travel baseball tips separately since recreational baseball and travel baseball really are two different animals. My top 10 Travel Baseball Tips for New Travel Baseball Moms:
Let's break down each one of these tips into more detail:
I hope you found this post helpful. We are entering our third season of travel ball, and I am still learning all the ins and outs. One other tip I did not mention is to never burn bridges. You never know when your player may play with a former teammate or coach again, and keeping options open for your child will always be in his best interest. Baseball really is like family. We all have a crazy Uncle Larry (sorry to any Larrys out there), but we still love Uncle Larry if he has the team's and the players' best interests at heart. ❤️ *** Disclaimer: I did not mention the First Aid Kit that I have stocked and loaded since I'm the team nurse / NP. I may do an entire post on it since I have tweaked those supplies MANY times during our 11-12 seasons of baseball now!
Some of the other basics like sunscreen, sunglasses, chairs, tents, blankets, umbrellas, etc are all covered in my original post "15 beginner baseball mom must-knows" linked below. |
