Choosing to Embrace Midlife
You're on a roadtrip.
You're headed to the beach.
You have 10 hours start to finish and it seems like it is taking FOREVER.
You stop a few times for bathroom breaks and lunch.
The travelers are getting cranky.
They JUST WANT TO GET THERE.
When will we get there?
How much longer?
And then you realize.
We are over halfway there.
At 47 with 2 gnarly autoimmune diseases,
I'm probably well over halfway there.
I rushed the beginning.
I looked so closely towards the end goal that I
forgot to enjoy all the scenery I passed.
Or did I?
So I slow it way down.
As much as I can.
I watch each inning of my youngest boy on the mound or at bat or hovering just off third like it's the bottom of the 9th in the World Series.
I sit patiently before the curtain rises at every one of my middle boy's performances. I have no where else to be. I am his mom, and I am watching him shine.
And I dance at my oldest son's wedding. I laugh. I smile. And I remember what it was like to be twenty years old and in love, the whole universe at my feet.
I sip my coffee with my husband on the rare occasion we are enjoying breakfast together.
I look out over my back deck at the spring leaves, the blooms of each flower, the squirrels scurrying, and the birds in flight.
Slow down, Mr. Squirrel.
Not so fast, Mrs. Bird.
What's the hurry?
You see I just left Mr. Jones or Mrs. Smith and they remind me each day that the end is not always easy.
The end can be lonely, painful, or both.
The end can be joyous and abundant, but we have no guarantees.
So I slow it down.
This line between my eyes on my forehead is from my Granddaddy Taylor.
He earned his and so did I. I am reminded of him each time I look at it and I remember his favorite line: "aren't you glad you got to see me?" 🥰
If I cover it up, needle it away with miniscule doses of botulism, does that mean life never happened?
The tears I cried and the belly laughs I bellowed - weren't those worth these lines on my face?
And here we are, old friends.
Me and my impatience. Me and my ambition. Me and my PLANS.
What a farce. What irony.
The sun will rise and the sun will set.
I choose to embrace these next decades with a little LESS energy and a little more PRESENCE.
I'm showing up this time.
I'm all in.
I want to love hard and laugh often.
Will you join me?
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