Learning to Begin Again

​Change can be scary and is almost always difficult.  Change can force us to question both the reasons we stayed and the reasons we left.  Learning to begin again has been challenging but life-giving, even more so as I settle into midlife.
​

This list may resonate with some of you, so I thought I would share several scenarios in which I have learned to begin again.

1. Changing schools & moving to a new town as a child 
2. Going away to college
3. Starting my career in nursing
4. Starting my career as a nurse practitioner
5. Beginning a marriage
6. Coping with a divorce
7. Beginning a second marriage
8. Becoming an instant mother
9. Becoming a biological mother
10. Moving states and changing jobs as an adult
11. Facing loss of a loved one both as a child and an adult
12. Facing loss of a friend as an adult
13. Changing jobs after 15 years 
14. Going to therapy and learning how to set boundaries
15. Parenting adult children
16. Making friends as an adult
17. Exploring hobbies as an adult
18. Facing a personal health crisis
19. Living with a chronic illness
20. Embracing midlife

​While so many of the circumstances in my list above are quite personal, I know many of you can relate.  In fact, just reaching a decision to begin again can feel overwhelming.  I will link a resource below of a book that really helped me make some hard decisions in my life.  I love this author's work, her podcast, and her platform.  Her words have provided both comfort and fuel for my body and soul.  She writes from a Christian perspective,
​so if that is not a fit for you, you may not enjoy her work.

Let's take a deeper dive into a few of the life scenarios that forced me to begin again as I share anecdotes and resources that helped me get through the muck of starting over.

• Coping with a divorce
  • ​My aunt gave me the best advice anyone gave me during this difficult time.  She told me not to do anything drastic for one year.  Don't move.  Don't change jobs.  Don't start another serious relationship.  And that was SUCH great advice.  I needed to heal.  I needed to find myself again.  
  • Going through a divorce is a huge loss.  The stages of grief (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance) all apply.  Seeking professional counseling or ensuring that you have a close circle of friends and family for support can definitely help you as you slowly begin again.
• Facing the loss of a friend as an adult
  • ​Many of us have lost loved ones that are family members, often older family members.  Some of us have lost a friend who is our age.  Losing a friend as an adult is HARD.  It brings our own mortality to the surface.  It fosters survivor's guilt.  It sparks thoughts of death, dying, and comfort that we may have previously avoided.
  • Losing a friend as an adult helped me begin again in several ways.  It spurred deep conversations with my spouse that resulted in retirement planning, obtaining a will, and setting some actual life goals together.  It also reminded me that every single day is a gift, and I never want to take that gift for granted.
• Parenting adult children 
  • ​Parenting is hard.  Period.  Bottom line.  End of story.  Parenting adult children requires a transition in our mindset as parents.  Adult children no longer NEED us.  The hope is that they WANT us in their lives.  They will often dictate to what extent we are in their lives.  Effective communication with our adult children can help us begin this new chapter of parenthood.
• Living with a chronic illness
  • ​Being healthy is so easy.  Not going to the doctor is amazing.  Waking up and feeling good is so underrated!  Not taking a handful of pills twice a day every day is literally phenomenal.
  • Learning to begin again with a chronic illness is HARD and often very LONELY.  We may spend hours researching our condition in hopes to educate ourselves only to be ridiculed by loved ones for "focusing" on our disease.  Our feelings may be hurt if friends or family don't ask about our health, but we may also be guilty of not telling loved ones what we need.  We may resent our healthy counterparts only to later feel guilty for said resentment.  And honestly, many of us just try to ignore our chronic illness which is also not the best solution.  After all, it's not going anywhere.
• Embracing midlife
  • ​Talk about starting over!  Our bodies enter an entire new chapter of change as we enter midlife.  Menopause is a nasty beast.  For men, testosterone loss and prostate issues often develop.  Add to that the emotional hurdles we often face in midlife:  empty nests, aging parents, personal health issues and you can see why so many of us are struggling to begin again.
  • My midlife toolkit has been pretty simple.  I have learned to say no.  I have made new friends with similar interests.  I am asking for what I need.  I no longer do things that I don't want to do.  I no longer engage in circles or relationships that do not feel good.  I am intentionally communicating at a higher level with my spouse and my children.  Above all, I am forgiving myself and accepting myself.

​

These real-life examples are very personal and may not apply to your life.  I do hope they give you some insight, however, either for your own life or for someone that you love.  Connection is the entire reason I started pouring my heart out over the internet, so please leave a comment below if any of this resonates with you. 
​ I see you and you are not alone.

​I love interacting with my readers.
For more of an inside look into my days, you can follow me
on TikTok, Instagram, or Facebook.
​

how to have a good date night

My favorite 2023 reads

midlife diary entry

how to set boundaries

how to make friends as an adult

how to support someone with a chronic illness

Please support my fellow hope*writers by reading their works inspired by the prompt word BEGIN:

Begin Moving Toward Your Soul’s Lifework by Lisa Crowder
https://lisacrowder.substack.com/p/begin-moving-toward-your-souls-lifework
​
The Beginning of Stories from the Supper Table Series by Jessica Haberman 
http://www.storytellerfarm.com/beginning-of-stories-from-the-supper-table-series

​How To Begin a New Career by Ashley Olivine
https://ashleyolivine.com/how-to-begin-a-new-career/



​