Lonely in a Digital World

3/1/2023

On a recent poll with my readers, the results were not surprising:

20% reported feeling lonely about once a week
40% reported rarely feeling lonely
40% reported feeling lonely "way too much"

The poll was not anonymous, and I know many of my readers. Several of the "way too much" respondents are married, have children, have jobs, are surrounded by people all the time, and YET... they feel alone. I can relate.

Loneliness is harmful to your health.
But how do we fix it?
We've never been more "connected" in our lives?
Or have we?

I have found 10 ways to feel more connected in a digital world. These are not from some article or YouTube video. These are just what has worked for ME. I hope they work for you too:

Engage on social media. Even if likes and follows are not your end goal, the only way to feel less lonely on social media is to engage in other creators' posts. Leaving a comment will often prompt the creator (or friend you know in real life) to later engage on something you share. If you are more of a lurker and that works for you, that is fine. But lurking can leave you feeling very alone. I have met MANY introverts online. It's like the hall pass for interacting for introverts. 🤗
Post on social media. You may ask, isn't posting the same as engaging? The answer is "no." If I see you commenting on my posts, but you have no posts of your own, I may assume you are a bot or a scammer. This is particularly true for TikTok. On IG, if your account is private and I don't know you, I may also be leery. Even a few posts every few months will lead to more connection on social media. Those of us looking for connections online don't want Pinterest-perfect displays, we want REAL. It is scary to put your words and pictures (of whatever, not even of yourself) online, but it's the only way to really connect on social media.
Go back to analog. Yes, the world is digital. Yes, the palm-sized demons control us and the red dots navigate our days, BUT they don't have to be our only source for connection. We can still call friends, mail hand-written letters, and meet for lunch or coffee. A card "just because" can make the difference in someone's week. Let us not forget the importance of non-digital communication!
Plan in-person gatherings. I try to plan one date night and one girls night every month. Sometimes the girls night is just a lunch date with a friend. Sometimes date night is going to Lowes. The details aren't as important as carving out time to spend with those that mean the most to us. If you can invite more than one friend to a movie or a community event, go for it! We NEED in-person gatherings to nourish our souls.
Spend time alone. Wait. What? Wouldn't being alone make us feel even more lonely? The research says "no." Let's face it. We can feel alone in a room full of friends, coworkers, or family. So proximity of other humans is not always tied to loneliness. We can also feel completely fulfilled on a solo trip to the mountains. Perspective really is everything. And connection... well that comes from within. If we are not connected to ourselves and in tune with our bodies, we are not prepped for engagement with others. Connection is an exchange of energy between people (or pets if you ask me) and it requires US to first have some energy to give before we can properly receive any from someone else. Let that sink in.
Limit screen time. We all have enough screen time with our jobs. Those screens count as well as phones, iPads, TVs, Kindles, and video games. I am just as guilty of too much screen time, but I have found it often increases my loneliness. Try plugging your phone in the other room, turning the TV off, and picking up a physical book or magazine for entertainment. Better yet, call or go visit a friend or family member. Nursing homes and assisted living facilities gladly accept volunteer visitors if you are looking to give back to your community and increase your feelings of connection.
Sleep. I know, I know. What does sleep have to do with loneliness? Insomnia and sleep disturbance are often linked with stress, anxiety, depression, and increased screen time. Increased screen time is often a direct result of loneliness. We are searching our devices for a fulfillment it cannot deliver. Can we connect online? YES. Are we guaranteed to connect online? NO. Staying awake scrolling is probably the worst time and energy drain plaguing Americans right now. SLEEP can improve both physical and mental health. And it's free. No one's feelings are hurt while asleep. It is restorative and healing. Try it.
Get outside. Yesterday I went and sat at our local lake for a few hours. I needed some self-care and time with my thoughts. I felt the warm breeze on my face. I felt the heat of the sun on my arms. I heard the ducks splashing in the water. I looked at the trees and the pinestraw and the people fishing or walking their dogs. I heard cars in the distance. I smelled mud and dead grass and murky water. I felt the book and the journal I brought. I tasted the ice cold water as it quenched my thirst. I was not worried about likes or follows or red dots. I felt no compulsion to scroll (that's a lie, I did feel the compulsion but resisted). Nature grounded me and I was able to reconnect with my mind and body which ALWAYS makes me feel less alone. Please try it. Getting outside is frankly the opposite of living in a digital world.
Move your body. Dancing, going to the gym, taking a walk, stretching, any movement counts as a step away from loneliness. Movement is good for your mental AND your physical health.
Spend time doing something you love. Sometimes we love hobbies that are digital or involve screens. My 10-year-old loves a hunting video game. My 12-year-old loves making movies with his phone. My 20-year-old loves working on his car. I love singing (and it's a karaoke app- so yes, digital), reading, and writing. Your hobbies can involve screens or technology and may even involve social media, but PLEASE find something that is yours. Find something that brings you joy and allot time for it every week.