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I'm listening to Jodi Picoult and Jennifer Finney Boylan's "Mad Honey" and I have already had to pause the audio to record some quotes in the notes section of my phone. I do this with my favorite novels, and this one will stick with me for a while I am sure. Lily states, "It's inconceivable if you think about it. The complex ways people have come up with for being horrible to one another." And she is right. I'm reminded almost weekly as I parent tween children just how mean human beings can be and how easy it is for unkindness to spread. It can be quite contagious, and fighting it can be quite tricky. One of the famous quotes I try to implement into my daily life comes from United States radio host Bernard Meltzer. Bernard's words are: “Before you speak ask yourself if what you are going to say is true, is kind, is necessary, is helpful. If the answer is no, maybe what you are about to say should be left unsaid.”
I also remind myself that Hurt People Hurt People. Dear Therapist has helped me envision an angry or venomous adult's wounded inner child, but that still doesn't make their words or behavior any easier to swallow. So I go back to what I can control: my thoughts, my environment (somewhat), the people I choose to spend time with, how I treat others, my behavior, my attitude, my choices, and my boundaries. Today's post was just a quick reminder to Be Kind and that Kindness Matters. We never know the difference one smile can make in another person's life. Godspeed.
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A nurse's heart is broken and whole at the same time She mends, she soothes, she uplifts, and she primes She is a buffer, a translator, a fetcher, and a bridge Has anyone ever asked about her deepest wish? A nurse's mind is sharp and fast She intakes and outputs while completing her tasks She stores all the info and processes all the scene Has anyone ever asked about her hopes or dreams? A nurse's shoulders are steadfast and strong She carries your weight, she hums to your song She catches the emotions of all in her path From the doctors, to the families, to the new undergrad A nurse's feet are swift and on demand She will get it, she will do it, she will continue to stand They may ache, they may swell, they may beg for relief But she knows how many benefit from the work of her feat A nurse's back is used all day long By the weak, by the broken, by the scared and alone She can do it, she will help you, she will lift all she can Have you ever thought to ask her if she needed a friend? A nurse's hands are skilled and attuned They can hold you and heal you and clean up your wounds They don't waiver, they don't hesitate, they are always there She swells when she realizes all who have gained from their care A nurse's heart is broken and whole at the same time If you love a nurse, or you are a nurse, know that we are our own kind. We take love and transport it from our insides to yours. We take healing. We take knowledge. And we deliver unforced. Please share this with the nurses in your life. I see her. I am her. Our work matters. Godspeed. follow my nursing content on TikTok
photo credit: Anh Nguyen I have included a list of questions your healthcare provider may ask you during your headache evaluation:
There are several types or categories of headaches:
If you are not quite ready to seek a medical workup, you can try the following safe therapies at home:
Headaches can interrupt our daily lives and become quite cumbersome. Please do not ignore your headaches. Listen to your body. Author's note: this article should not be used to diagnose or treat any conditions. Please seek an appointment with your primary care provider for proper headache evaluation. A neurology consult may also be warranted.
"It's okay" I cooed in the dimly lit room "You are here and that's what matters" I offered as I swallowed the doom "Mom is gone" I announced if announce is the word It was a whisper. But it was final. I don't think they even heard... "It's a boy!" the doctor claimed and he held the baby up like a prize The mom cried and so did I because miracles still dampen my eyes Between the first day and the last day of each of our patients' lives Is a Thursday and a Monday and days our lives will intertwine Some days we are helping you and comforting or mending or teaching Other days we are sweating and saving and praying, begging, and reaching We don't control it, this fine line between your first day and your last But we often witness it, we hold space for it and we get etched in each others' paths Do I ignore it? Forget it? Pretend I didn't see it... or feel it or hear it or bow down and plead it? I don't think so, I just can't so, I let the tears fall when I can and we get up, lace our shoes up, and act undefeated It's an honor, a privilege, a duty dear friends but it's hard and it's long and some days barely end And no one asks us how we're doing, because we do the healing But I'm a mama, and a daughter, and a person with feelings. So at night, in the dark, when the beeps and alarms are gone Maybe next to our loved ones or maybe quiet and alone We cry and we replay and we wish and we sorrow As we heal our own boo-boos and do it all again tomorrow Author's note:
We don't forget. We saw it. We felt it. You were seen. And you were here. And we were with you. She’s walked through the fire and the storms while dancing in the rain … Her life has been difficult and filled with excruciating pain … She’s suffered many losses in such a short time yet she continues to believe that in the end… it will all be fine … With such strength and undeniable belief she tells me her healing will come in God’s time … It may not be here on earth but perhaps in heaven she will be pain free… Her words are heavy on my heart and somewhat difficult to grasp, for me… She’s my daughter, Keyera, and she suffers from sickle cell It’s a genetic disorder that we know all too well: Her story is a bit different than usual. She wasn’t properly diagnosed until the age of five. My husband and I worked different shifts so that one of us was always home with the kids. At 5, she started kindergarten and became ill after the weakened live intranasal flu vaccine was given. Initially, her pediatrician thought she had the flu in spite of the vaccination. She ran fever, she was fatigued, she had to be carried or she’d just sit in one spot. After 3 rounds of Rocephin (a strong antibiotic) injections and no improvement, her pediatrician, Dr. Allardice, admitted her to the hospital. She ran various tests. She asked about sickle cell, I told her that her cousin had it and my other daughter had the trait but as far as I knew, Keyera didn’t have the trait OR the disease. I was never notified by the health department or pediatrician’s office that I saw prior to Dr. Allardice. My daughter’s health was rapidly declining. In my heart, I felt her slowly drifting away. It seemed as though she had developed pneumonia. Treatment was started and I begged and cried for God not to take my baby away. When her test results came back, I was shocked and in disbelief. I had made sure Keyera had all of her immunizations and that she went to all of her well child visits. She had sickle cell anemia SS and it wasn’t pneumonia. She had acute chest syndrome. Sickle cells are shaped like a sickle so they don’t pass the veins and arteries like they should. Acute chest occurs when there is sickling in the pulmonary arteries and it can mimic pneumonia. Many patients with sickle cell have passed away due to acute chest, heart attack, or stroke. We were fortunate that she was admitted and diagnosed. Her situation was dire. She is now 22 years old. She’s had both hips replaced due to AVN (avascular necrosis - lack of blood supply to the bone) caused by sickle cell. She suffers from medical PTSD due to being in the hospital so often at an early age. She’s lost friends and in 2020, her cousin, Makayla, with sickle cell passed away. Her journey has been challenging and she’s often called resilient but truthfully, she is vulnerable and fragile at times. She just wasn’t given an easier course to take. She often gets upset when people tell her to be robust during a crisis. The thing about pain is that it demands to be felt, no matter how hard you try to ignore it. It makes its presence known. Unfortunately, there is not a universal cure for sickle cell anemia at this time. Not everyone can find a match or are a good candidate for bone marrow transplants. Due to my daughter’s health issues, it’s not an option. She has less than a 50% chance of surviving a transplant. My daughter depends on blood donors to have a decent quality of life. It requires 7-10 units of blood each month. If you want to be a hero and save lives, please donate blood. Before the monthly exchanges, she was in the hospital at least twice a month. She was miserable and asked God on several occasions to let her fall asleep and not wake up. She still has challenges but she is enjoying life and spreading awareness. When her cousin passed away and she got to say her farewell, she promised her with weeping eyes that she’d continue to fight and educate others. I encourage you to research sickle cell anemia. If you know or love someone with it, check in on them but remember though they may be resilient. They do get tired, though they seem strong, listen and support them when they say they’re exhausted or weak. When they say they hurt, believe them. Never tell them they don’t look sick, your intentions may be well meaning but not every illness is visible. My heart cries as my soul weeps for all the sickle cell warriors that continue to suffer or have lost the fight … Each day they try or tried to live the best life possible with all of their might … Simple things that we take for granted can be such a heavy burden or test … Their bodies tire easily and they must often take a break to simply rest …
My daughter has kept her promise to her cousin. She has done several informative interviews regarding sickle cell and continue to spread awareness. Giving blood is such a simple task but it has such a great impact on the quality of life for those that need it. It cannot be manufactured, please donate blood and help save lives. Blog host's note: I know La Keisha because she is a nurse. She does not mention being a nurse in this piece, but I feel I must. As a nurse, we take care of other mothers' children when our own children are sick at home. We minister to other daughters' aging parents when our own aging parents need us. We comfort other wives' husbands when our own husbands miss us and wish they had more time with us. So just imagine the toll this has taken on my friend, my sister, my fellow nurse. She wouldn't trade it. We nurses wouldn't trade it, our calling. But being a nurse and a mother to a sick child deserves space in this world. Godspeed. If you have a pet of any kind, you know the joy that pets bring into our lives. While they do come with a certain level of commitment and work, they offer benefits that far outweigh what they require of us. Now that I am six years into my primary chronic illness, sarcoidosis, I feel like I can discuss pet therapy with conviction. Prior to becoming "sick," I always had a pet - from childhood on. It wasn't really until I became ill, however, that I realized what my dogs had done for my mental health. My physical health has also improved thanks to being a pet-owner. Here are 10 ways owning a pet can help you with your chronic illness:
Charlie the Dachshund is always there for me. He will wait on me wherever I go and follow me no matter what. He needs my help to get his food, water, and to let him outside. It feels good to be needed by someone or something that doesn't really expect much in return, ESPECIALLY with a chronic illness. I can be sick, tired, or both in front of him and not feel self-conscious. I can tell him all my thoughts and fears, and he won't judge me. I can even moan out loud in pain or cry at my medical misfortune and he doesn't flinch. Instead, he meets me with loving kindness and is a steady force of calm in my daily life.
At the end of the day. At the end of my life. When I'm old and gray. When I'm free from strife. I will smile every time I remember your face. And no one can take that from us. Godspeed. One of the most common questions I am asked during a wellness visit (routine physical) is "when should I get a colonoscopy?" . I was not asked this question as often 10 years ago or even 5 years ago, but there has finally been an increased awareness among the general population with colorectal cancer. As a former med/surg nurse, I took care of countless patients after their colonoscopy or even their colon resection for colon cancer. I helped care for their fresh colostomy site and stumbled to find the "right" words to give them comfort. I have one patient etched in my heart who lost his battle to CRC (colorectal cancer) at age 27. I was only 23 or 24 myself at that time. His young wife and 2 year old son stayed with him as much as they could. He had a suprapubic catheter (one that came out of his abdomen directly from his bladder to drain his urine) because the cancer had eaten through his entire pelvic cavity. I cried on my way home every time I took care of him. But I wanted to take care of him. I wanted him to see someone close to his age. Someone that didn't pity him like a child "poor dear" and all the other patronizing words I heard some of our senior nurses mumble. He and I would talk about TV shows and popular songs, whatever we could that would help him feel a little more "normal." This post isn't about him, it's about all of my patients. That said, I couldn't write this post without mentioning him because his life mattered and my time with him touched me forever. I could not write this post without telling you about another dear friend who lost his 6-year battle with CRC in 2020 at the age of 44. Out of love for his family, I will leave his story at that but HE MATTERED and MATTERS and cancer statistics are NOT just numbers my friends! They are mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, sons, daughters, friends, employees, bosses, lovers, neighbors, coworkers, and beyond. The next time you see a cancer statistic on the news, I hope you pause and remember reading this post. So the question remains: When should I get a colonoscopy? In the words of my beloved GI colleague, "45 is the new 50!". The earlier CRC is found, the better the 5-year survival rate. We can easily remove a 5mm or smaller polyp in the colon and prevent it from ever becoming a malignant tumor. Yes there are some other screening tests on the market that have their place and time, BUT nothing beats a visual inspection by a well-trained eye looking for colon cancer. Direct visualization - there is nothing better!
The prep is not always "a gallon of nasty stuff" anymore either. There are a variety of prep techniques, so please don't let a colonoscopy prep prevent you from possibly saving your own life. You are NOT awake during the procedure. I have had one and I can tell you with certainty that I do not remember any of it AND I had zero soreness after the procedure. It was honestly a much-needed fantastic nap and a day off work. I urge you to see your PCP for a colonoscopy referral from a GI specialist if you are 45 years old or older and have never had one. If you have certain risk factors or family history, you should have a colonoscopy before age 45. Your PCP should be able to guide you. Any bright red rectal bleeding or alternating constipation and diarrhea needs to be worked up by your medical team. Please do not hesitate to seek care for those issues! I hope this answers your questions about colonoscopy screening. If polyps are found on your colonoscopy, your GI provider may want to repeat your scope in 2 years, 3 years, or 5 years depending on they type of polyp (per pathology diagnosis). If your colonoscopy is clear and there is no family history of CRC (or other extenuating risk factors), you will probably receive a 10-year pass. Most insurance companies pay very well for colonoscopy screening, BUT most insurances have a certain deductible each year that enrollees must meet, so do not be surprised when the procedure is not 100% free like your mammogram or pap smear was. Do not let cost stop you, though! It is well worth your insurance deductible. You can always call ahead to find out what your out-of-pocket expense will be, and most healthcare facilities offer payment arrangements. Please comment below if you have any other specific questions. Jan 30, 2021- Feb 3, 2021 Red, painful eyes start with painful vision and light sensitivity (UVEITIS). Feb 3, 2020-Feb 8, 2020 Tiny dots of a rash begin on my neck- they don't itch, burn, or hurt at this point. I call my dermatologist to schedule a biopsy, assuming this must be related to my sarcoidosis. Feb 3-March 8, 2021 Rash kept getting bigger and more painful. Not responding to topical Rx creams. Went for 2nd biopsy on March 8th, the day I started my 30-day medical leave. Focused on walking, sleeping, hydrating, and eating clean. Also journaling and resting. March 8-April 8, 2021 Off work. Tried the AIP Diet. No gluten, no dairy, no sugar. Derm and Rheum also put heads together to double my Methotrexate dose. The diet was difficult but my joints and skin "felt" better even though my skin still needed lots of help! April 8- August 8, 2021 Back at work. Still working covid. Boys off for the summer during some of that time. Started Humira in May 2021 and stopped Methotrexate. Skin would wax and wane, but I would say it eventually cleared by early to mid-August. Joints feel much better on Humira. Energy level too. September 2021 Had my 2nd episode of uveitis. That responded quickly to Prednisone eye drops. Skin pretty clear, but under more stress with some work and family stuff. Delta variant of covid is ravaging my patient population and friends. Evidence of proteinuria again so will follow-up with my nephrologist (that's more sarc-related, less psoriasis-related). Still on Humira. Echo and PFT's slightly worse than last year, but lung & spleen CT's show that the Humira is controlling my sarcoidosis. March 2022 I have had at least 2 more episodes of uveitis since the last update. Skin stays mostly clear with the occasional flare in the anterior portion (front) of my neck. I wrote this piece for all of my fellow Psoriasis Warriors who are walking this painful, lonely road. It is SO HARD. One can think they are not a vain person, but when your LARGEST ORGAN (your skin) is literally on fire with inflammation, it's hard to "hide" from vanity, comparison, self-loathing, and frustration. If you love someone with psoriasis, please share this with them and with others who love them. I hope it brings someone comfort to know they are not alone and that there are those people who will love us no matter what. 2 year anniversary of covid- what isn't in the news or really discussed publicly:
What is working?
What is not working?
What's next? What do I want more of?
Okay, so what does my list of "stuff" have to do with you? It's meant to be a guide or a tool for you to do your own quarterly review. What is working? What is not working? What do you want more of? Or less of? What have you learned in the last 3 months? I encourage you to take a few moments to yourself in one of those cracks of time we all barely get these days. Write it down. Type it in your phone notes. Say it out loud if you want to do that. But give it some THOUGHT. Consistent quarterly reviews or seasonal reflections can be life-giving and increase your productivity, contentment, and enthusiasm for what lies before you! Godspeed. ❤️ photo credit: Oluwaseyi Johnson Was it luck that the young mother of three bumped her head on the bed post and came in to see me? She was picking up a toy that had fallen into the abyss between the bed and the wall but I felt we better not miss an internal bleed in her brain those are rare but not good so I ordered the CT scan and we both went back to mothering our brood When the phone rang that night I can't remember if I dropped the phone It's a brain tumor, and it's big Can you call her at home? Was it luck when the car struck her from behind? Plastic and metal shredded and busted near the yellow line Her head hurt, her neck hurt to the doctor she went And the MRI that was supposed to check bones instead showed a hint of the cancerous tumor that was showing no signs it was in her thyroid, she had no symptoms God was definitely on time Was it luck when she came to tell me she was in pain? Her abdomen was cramping, her bowel movements had changed As the dutiful NP, I pulled up her old scans Has anyone ever mentioned your lungs to you ma'am? My lungs, why would they? My lungs are fine well it says on here that there's an issue - do you mind if I order a CT scan of them just to be safe? God was nudging me, directing me, showing me the way Pulmonary fibrosis? what in the world is that? Well, sweetheart, it's serious, sit down, we need to chat Unfortunately it's the same way my own disease often ends Here's my number, you can call me, I actually do understand Was it luck when she looked at me with frustration and contempt? Ma'am I'm sorry I just met you, let me see if I can help You can't help me she thought, they've already run all the tests God tapped my shoulder, I looked a little deeper, there was one thing left I'm sure it's nothing, but let's check this one last thing It's an ultrasound, I know you're frustrated, but let's do it, okay? Okay, she said, and I wasn't sure she would actually do it But days later the phone rang, there's an issue, there's fluid The young colleague who sent her to me called me for advice What do I order next? What do you think it is? I'm not sure what to try. So I made my suggestions and prayed I was wrong. Come on Lord, let's let this young patient just move along. But He couldn't and she couldn't and my colleague and I cried Another cancer, a bad one, it's not fair, it's not right Was it luck that I've found some of these things at the craziest times? Or was it God this whole time leading me with His light? I'm no saint, I'm a sinner, I get fired up, I have faults, I get loud But when I slow down and I pray and I look up to those clouds I can feel Him, sometimes it's so strong I just weep Like right now as I type this, and all those nights I've lost sleep These are a mere few of the miracles I have watched unfold in my tiny little town with my regular little folks Are we special? am I special? I don't claim any of it as mine It's His, I'm a vessel, I'm a sparrow, I'm a scribe Dear Lord, there have been so many times I have seen You. Why me? Am I doing it right? I sure do try, but I need You. When the going gets tough, and my stethoscope seems too much My alarm goes off again, and I feel Your gentle nudge You'll tell me when it's time. When my service is up. It wasn't luck, God. It's been You. Knowing that is enough. Amen. Author's note: Age and any identifying factors have been changed due to federal privacy laws. Please help support my fellow hope*writers by visiting their pieces using the prompt work LUCK:
You are Not Lucky You are Blessed by Lisa Granger https://lisamarcelina.net/you-are-not-lucky-you-are-blessed/ Luck by Dianne Vielhuber https://simplewordsoffaith.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=10672&action=edit What Does Luck Have to Do With It? By Lori Shoaf https://www.lorishoaf.com/inspiringstories/what-does-luck-have-to-do-with-it Luck of an Evacuee by Ashley Olivine https://ashleyolivine.com/luck-of-an-evacuee/ I distinctly remember a conversation I had with an acquaintance when I was a brand new NP in my late 20s. I did not have children yet, but I had made some poor money decisions (traveling and shopping outside of my means mostly). The woman chatting with me (who was 10-15 years my senior) said "Oooooooh, I can only imagine how much money you make. You're a nurse practitioner!" She added "If I were you, I would go get a Starbucks every day! I would pay someone to clean my house! I would buy whatever I wanted." What she didn't know:
What I didn't know:
So - what does any of that have to do with me taking my lunch to work every day as an adult? The truth is, everything. Every. Single. Thing. My plans for this post were to include healthy lunch tips. I was going to post pictures of a variety of healthy lunches I have made and taken (those don't happen during baseball season). I was going to calculate the money I have saved over the past 12-15 years I have been brown-bagging my lunch. But here's the truth. This is why I take my lunch every day. Are you ready?
And I guess me laying all that out to you, friends, is the point. I like the truth. I like the real WHY. I see through the frivolities in life and I shudder at the brand-chasing and label-seeking that drives so many. There is no dollar amount one could pay me to give up my kindergarten-style lunches. It's what I need at this moment right now, and it keeps me sane. Time is my Starbucks - freedom is my housekeeper. To write, to think, to create, to build something from nothing. That's what I chase. Until then, there's homework and practice and rehearsal and charts. Laundry and dishes and puberty and a tired Mom pouring her heart out on the internet. Find your "lunch" --- figure out what keeps you off the edge and what you really want to chase. Godspeed. ❤️ In my 24 years of nursing / NP work, I have seen countless cardiac events either in action or the ramifications of such events. On a personal note, three of my four grandparents had strokes. I lost my paternal grandfather when I was only 4 and he was 55 due to a massive stroke. My paternal grandmother had stents in cardiac and non-cardiac arteries as well as "open heart surgery" CABG (coronary artery bypass graft). I have been affected by heart disease on a personal and a professional level, and I want to help patients understand the true risk of death and debility associated with cardiac events. Here are the top 10 reasons I refer patients to the cardiologist:
Let's talk a little more about each of these 10 conditions and how a patient may actually present to my office with these symptoms.
I have had patients in their thirties suffer from strokes and heart attacks. I have seen heart failure, cardiac arrhythmias, and high blood pressure in patients from childhood, young adulthood, and beyond. I doubt there is anyone in America who does not personally know someone who has been affected by heart disease. In honor of America's Go Red for Women Month (every February), I encourage you to schedule your wellness exam with your primary care provider and to start paying more attention to your heart rate, blood pressure, water intake, weight changes, and dietary choices. Your heart matters to me! Godspeed. When was the last time I felt challenged? I wake up, sip my coffee, trudge through my morning routine. Mouthful of medicine for my chronic illness. I write, I pray, I listen (to a book, podcast, or music). I chew my breakfast while I drive to my same place of employment for 14 years. I continue to listen (to the book, podcast, or music) OR I stare off into space while I drive. I get out of my car, unlock my office door, log into my work computers, and it begins. I get back in my car, return a million missed texts, phone calls, and emails as safely as I can using Apple Car Play / Siri Safe Drive. I pull into the garage and count down the hours until bedtime. I chew my supper while I try to remember my name. I chat with my family and aging parents about mostly-trivial but sometimes-important details. Another mouthful of medicine for my chronic illness. I look at my beautiful children in awe, and I wonder what kind of men they will be. I sit with my husband for an hour (if we are lucky) before he leaves for his night shift job. Bedtime routine for kiddos, occasionally a TV show that makes me think, and then I'm staring at my palm-sized demon looking for answers it does not contain. Is this it? Is this the peak or the valley? The joy or the pain? The calm or the storm? I don't know anymore. It all feels the same. Yes, yes a global pandemic has stripped me of some of my best days. It has calcified my heart and further thickened my skin. My eyes grow both weak and clouded. My soul is but an echo of its youthful GLOW. My mind, once invigorated and eager... my mind sits solemnly in the corner silently daring someone or something to call upon it. Goodnight, my once-lively darling. I have tucked you in every night for almost 2 years now. Your light is weak now, sweet darling. I see a glimmer. A flicker of promise. Can life wake you and shake you before your final flame burns? That is the challenge. No one else will save us or light our fire. We must find the spark, the ignition, the catalyst. Find a mirror, sweet darling - and DIG. DIG DEEP my darling. She is in there. Let us LIGHT HER ON FIRE again. That is the challenge. I wrote this for any person anywhere who feels like they are sleep-walking through life. You are not alone. We are all struggling. I stand with you. Let us find our fire again. Please help support my fellow hope*writers by visiting their work: Writing Consistently is a Challenge by Regina Marcazzo-Skarka https://reginamarcazzoskarka.wordpress.com/2022/02/15/writing-consistently-is-a-challenge/ The Motherhood Penalty Challenge by Ashley Olivine https://www.ashleyolivine.com/the-motherhood-penalty-challenge/ Insomnia With Anxiety and How to Overcome the Challenge by Epigen Wellness Group https://www.epigenwellness.com/insomnia-with-anxiety-how-to-overcome-challenge/ Challenging Times and 3 Ways to Endure the Struggle by Lindsey Gibson https://lindseygibson.com/2021/02/21/challenging-times-3-ways-to-endure-the-struggle/ Jar Full of Manna 31 Day Discipleship Challenge by Kelly Heath https://jarfullofmanna.blog/2021/03/01/31-day-discipleship-challenge-how-to-follow-jesus/ He sat down, head in hands, downward glance She looked up, tears in eyes, uneven stance I walked in, low on sleep, high on caffeine They walked by, on the street, young love, just teens He stood up, paper in hand, PowerPoint prepared She fell down, learning to walk, not nervous, not scared I walked in again, ready to listen, ready to care Do I absorb it, do I deflect it... do I share? The first one has a heavy load, family stuff, he's overwhelmed The second one feels trapped, but she's 83, where would she go? The third one is me, with my own load and I'm trying to figure it out Do I carry their burdens or give them back? I was never told... The fourth one is the big boss and the fifth one was once us While the overwhelmed man and the trapped senior unfurl It's good to remember that someone somewhere is in charge and someone somewhere is just a happy little girl The teens are just teens and I remember how that used to feel The butterflies, the headrush, the lovesongs, the thrill While I dance between empathy and boundary and pharmacy Someone somewhere is getting married or at a funeral or in the hospital nursery And so I sit here replaying today's events and my children's faces and my own dreams Do I let the man's troubles and the woman's sorrow fall off of me? Am I a sponge? A shield? Sand through a sieve? Where do I put it? How do I move it? What do I need? Dear Therapist once asked me "how do you feel? what are you feeling?" and I just stared. I ask that question, Madame. How do you dare! She brought out the preschool book and reminded me the names: anger, sadness, anxious, scared, and my favorite- SHAME! So I ask you, my brothers, my sisters, my friends Where do we put it? How do we move it? Where does it end? We are connected. Are we a puzzle? Passing ships on the same sea? I am you and you are me and we are thee. What is the answer? I need the code. I need the key. I will take today. You take tomorrow. Let's give her next week. He can do the dark nights. They can do the long fights. Let's share the joy and spread out the misery. Next time you see him. Next time you see her. Next time you see me. Remember the pleasantries are just a mask atop the real things. The real beauty of the patient-provider relationship is the back and forth. Never stop sharing with us. It's why we got into medicine. But if you love us or if you live with us and we are quiet or distant... We are simply trying to figure out where to put it. Godspeed. When I sat down to do my YEARLY REVIEW at the end of 2021, I was literally drained. I was exhausted: mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I could barely even form a sentence in my head. As I started PLANNING MY YEAR AHEAD as I usually do each holiday season, I started to see just how many things were already on my calendar. I am not sure if I felt disbelief, disgust, or disenchantment. "That will be cancelled. That won't happen. I doubt we actually do that." After two years of cancelled, postponed, and rescheduled plans, I almost reached for a pencil instead of a pen. I am eternally optimistic, but I am TIRED. You know those days where you sit down in the evening and you feel like you've been to DisneyWorld with 2 toddlers and 2 strollers and a newborn? Those days where you are driving home from a busy day in family practice and you aren't even exactly sure what your own name is (much less a disease or dosage of medication)? I feel like we've all had TWO YEARS of those days. So I decided to just boycott goals altogether for 2022. I wasn't going to make goal(s) for Health, Finance, Education, Personal Growth, Career, Family, Marriage, Spirituality, Home, etc like I usually do every year. The thought of doing that after I wrote my GOAL SETTING post was just as insurmountable as climbing Mount Everest (for this girl who already battles a chronic lung disease). Choosing a word for the year? Meh. And usually I am ALL OVER THAT!. But the only words that have come to mind lately (that don't include mild profanity) are flexibility, change, resiliency, and stamina. And I realize all of those words are entrenched in what I have LEARNED FROM THIS PANDEMIC as a frontline family NP. So I haven't chosen a word just yet. And I'm not sure that I will choose one for 2022.
And what I'm finding is that wearing ACTUAL CLOTHES (no scrubs, no standard mom "leggings and a tee" uniform) makes me feel better. It makes me feel better about myself, my life, my marriage, my work, and my day. I never thought I would be typing this, but it's TRUE. I choose healthier foods and move more when my pants have a zipper and a button. 👖 I try to have healthier emotional reactions when I don't look like I just rolled out of bed. 🧘♀️ I am reminded of my passion for medicine when I am dressed the professional part. 👩⚕️ I am even nicer to my husband when I like my reflection in the mirror. 👩❤️👨 I feel better about spending all the money I have spent on clothes now that I am actually wearing them. 😜 So there you have it. I set one goal for 2022. It is simple and it used to be automatic. What happened to the girl who loved shoes and purses and dressing up? Where did she go? Who and what took her from me? I feel her trying to emerge again. She is ready for this new year. She has no idea what's going to happen and no control over any of it. But she is showing up. And she looks and feels AMAZING. 👗 *** most of the time
*** except on Mondays *** or on days when her kids are off the chain *** but she is trying ☀️ So 2021 came. It didn't conquer. Or did it? It was a blur for me both personally and professionally. I am looking forward to 2022, and what better way to kick off the new year than with FAVORITES!?!? Favorites are alway fun and they are never right or wrong. They are subject to opinion and they require zero effort to consume. So sit back, relax, and scroll along ?
Here are my January 2022 Favorites:
The Organize 365 Podcast:
Lisa Woodruff is the owner and founder of Organize 365, a company that helps women get their homes and papers organized for good. She created a Sunday Basket, 100 Day Home Organization Program, and binders for finance, medical, a child with special needs, your home, you name it. I plan to dedicate an entire blog post to her programs, but if any of this interests you at all, I have linked her website below. I am a Certified Paper Organizer and Sunday Basket Organizer with Organize 365, and I can 100% vouch for her systems! Her podcast can be found anywhere you listen to podcasts. ? The Morning Show on Apple TV: First of all, the actors: Reese Witherspoon, Jennifer Anniston, Steve Carell, Billy Crudup, Marcia Gay Harden- just to name a few. The topics are timely (pandemic, Me Too movement) and show all sides of the issues. The show is definitely inappropriate for children, so you'll have to watch this once the kids are in bed, but I have not been able to stop mid-episode. I often had to force myself to stop and get in the bed! I love the realistic view of "power" and how we really are all the same regardless of the money, fame, and title. We all crave love and connection. HappilyAHousewife on YouTube: This year marks 10 years that Samantha (Sam) has been vlogging on YouTube. She has 3 kids similar in age to mine. She started as a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom) and is now back in the workforce. She is a baseball mama, likes to cook, likes to plan, and is VERY down-to-earth. When I "quit" work in 2014 and slowed down to just 2 days a week, I had no idea how to be a "housewife." Since I like to research, I typed "how to be a housewife" into Google and Sam popped up! I don't always have time to watch every video, but if I ever want a recipe or planning idea or I just need to know I'm not alone in this mom life, she always cheers me up. She is very REAL, and that's what I love the most! I have linked her channel below. Side note: I "went back to work" full-time in 2016 when my youngest started pre-K. I loved that 2 years when I worked part-time when they were 2-4. Let me know if you'd like an entire post about working versus staying home. ❤️ My leggings from Amazon: Soft, not too loose or too tight, phone pocket, high waist / don't fold over or slide down, wash well. 3 pair under $40! Several color choices. Need I say more?
The Marco Polo App:
I may do an entire post on the free version of Marco Polo versus the paid one, but get the free one TODAY! It's like text in the fact that you watch the video when you have time and respond when you have time. What I love is that your facial expressions, tone of voice, and appearance (weird but true) all come through. So if you're having a rough day emotionally, your friends and family can SEE that compared to a text that looks the same whether you are high on life or down in the trenches. You can also rewatch or pause a "marco" if you need clarity or get interrupted. I LOVE this app and I cannot say enough good things about it! It has revolutionized communication for me since I can safely marco on my commute (phone on dash) and between patients. With a spouse working opposite shifts, it has been HUGE for our marriage. It has even helped with my brother and sister-in-law living in China on a 13-hour time difference! My quiet time in the morning: Coffee, blanket, my chair, my heating pad, and QUIET. I journal, I pray, I follow my friend's scripture writing plan (linked below), I type these blog posts to you, I plan, I think, I listen to a book or podcast or YouTube video, I research, and I am uninterrupted. Am I an 80-year-old living in a 45-year-old's body? Maybe. With my autoimmune disease, some days I feel that way ?, but I cherish this time alone. It is mine, and there is something to be said for that. My new straightener: This was a Christmas 2021 gift, and I love it! I have just enough curl to be annoying, so I straighten my hair 90% of the time. If you follow me on Instagram, you probably saw my story showing that it lasted through errands on a rainy day and a full day of housework! I also have a post on IG about my "curly" hair that is worth a read... you know - how we all try to change what God gave us. ☀️ The Four Winds by Kristin Hannah: I hate having a movie or book ending spoiled by a friend, so I will just say this book is GREAT. I love historical dramas (this one is set during the Dust Bowl extreme draught in the 1930s) and the characters are lovely, raw, and transparent. I don't want to say too much, but read the summary if this peaks your interest at all. The narrator is Julia Whelan and she is amazing. I'm sure the paper copy is just as good or better. Homemade Chex Mix courtesy of my husband: No explanation needed! Salty & delicious. Thank God he only makes it at the holidays. Honing the new skill of asking for what I need: My therapist told me a secret. My husband, my friends, my coworkers, and my family cannot read my mind. I had never really though about that. Sometimes as adults, we assume all other adults know "what to do" or "what we need." They do not. If we calmly and safely ask for what we need and our people cannot or choose not to meet those needs, then that is another issue. It is not fair, however, to stay hurt or angry at a loved one if we never made our needs known. This blew my mind. So simple. So true. SUCH a game-changer. Sit on it and see if it speaks to you. *** If I have linked any products from Amazon, I am an Amazon affiliate. If you choose to purchase via my link, I will receive a small commission but your cost will be the same. I can use that commission to buy more reading glasses so I can see my laptop to keep blogging. ✍️*** I have been waking up before 5 AM consistently for 11 years. It started with necessity, nursing my child before work, but it continued for several reasons. When my firstborn was an infant, my stepson was eight. This meant I had to be stealthfully quiet as I woke the baby, fed him, spent some time with him, and then passed him to his daddy while I showered and dressed for work. It was a time before AirPods, and before I had discovered podcasts or Audible. Facebook was barely a thing. And phones in general were just not attached to everyone’s hands like they are today. It was in these near silent moments without technology, with only a cuddly warm baby in my lap, that I discovered the true meaning of quiet contentment. Just me, rocking my baby boy guided only by the white noise sound machine and gentle soft lighting. I wasn’t scrolling. I wasn’t comparing. I wasn’t wishing, nor was I regretting. There was no self-loathing. My job had not even adopted an electronic medical record yet, so working from home was not possible. I wasn’t paying bills from a little icon on my phone. I didn’t have 400 emails in my inbox, or at least I didn’t know that I had them. Just quiet. Just peaceful. Just two humans bound by DNA and love and touch and time. Fast forward to 2021 and that baby is in sixth grade. My stepson has left the nest and is thriving, and my youngest son is in fourth grade. My alarm still goes off at 4:30 AM, but I am alone. Yes, the house is still quiet like it was back then. The lights are still low. But things have changed. There is a technological miracle that fits in the palm of my hand now. It is full of red dots that quicken my pulse. There is a slick, silver, almost paper-thin computer that is full of lab results and refill requests and exam notes to finish. Now I know that I have 400 emails in my inbox. There are all these little icons in my hand that tell me I’m not good enough when I open them. There are ads everywhere that seem to call my digital wallet’s name. What happened to those early morning quiet moments? My eyes fill with tears as I type this. Yes, most mornings I participate in healthy self care such as prayer, Journaling, or mindfulness... but let’s be honest. If I choose to pick up this Fair-weather friend that follows me everywhere, I disappear. Those quiet peaceful moments disappear. I am not touching anyone. I am not gazing at someone I love and enjoying that feeling of togetherness and connection. This quiet house? Well it’s telling me it needs to be dusted and decorated. Those sleeping children? They need agendas signed and class party treats sent in and uniforms washed and clarinet reeds ordered. My husband may or may not be at work, but if he is did I reach out to him? And if he’s home, did I reach out to him? Oh wait- there goes my timer. Time to hop in the shower, put the bacon in the oven, get those boys up and moving. There goes my heart rate rising with each deadline and inbox item that crosses my mind. Oh, yes, I’m productive. I’m organized. Just ask all my friends and family. But is that the legacy I want to leave? ‘ She is so efficient. She can get it all done. Tears in my eyes again, geez. I would rather be known as Amy that helped me. Amy that loved me. Amy that made me feel important. Amy that I could count on. But most of all, Amy that I knew inside and out- between the lines and in the trenches. You see, getting it all done can be quite lonely. Have I been so busy getting it all done that I forgot to connect? Constantly looking at this lit up master that fits in my hand honestly makes me feel like crap. Yes- there are laughs and good reads hopefully like this one. There’s my longtime friend’s child or grandchild. The books and music and podcasts usually add instead of subtract. But all those red dots? I hate them. They steal little tiny pieces of me and I can’t really explain it. My children won’t know a world without the red dots, and that makes me sad. So here I am, on a rainy Wednesday morning, now voice-texting into this devilish device to create this message. I think it is a message for myself more than anything. Gosh these stupid tears. What is going on? I need to rewind. I need to go back. Back to the quiet simple peaceful mornings. I need to let go. I need to reach out even more than I need to let go. Who is with me? A fantastic human I call my friend gifted me with this poem this week. She didn't write it, but she knew I needed it. And now, I gift it to you. ☀️ safire-rose.com/books-and-media/poetry/she-let-go For working adults, the holidays can be a time of stress or lightheartedness. A time of fun or overwhelm. For many of us, holidays are a mixture of all 4 emotions. Since healthcare is the only field I have ever worked in, I do not have a huge frame of reference for employee appreciation during the holidays. I have not seen what corporate America or the education fields do to raise morale. I do know my teacher friends tell me "education goes out the window" those last few days or weeks of school since all of the children are mentally riding the Polar Express to Christmas Break. In healthcare, door decorating or nurses' station decorating contests are quite common and can add some cheer to our days of patient care, refills, and charting deadlines. Patients and staff seem to enjoy the whimsy of the holidays. Honestly, I wish we could decorate year-round just to keep things fresh! How does your employer boost morale for the holidays? Are staff members invited to join in certain festivities? Do employees receive a gift card or cash bonus? Does someone host a holiday party? Christmas carols? Is there a community service event your employer gets behind during the holidays? What about a local Christmas parade? Does your employer sponsor and decorate a float? Do you have to work the holidays? What has made you feel valued and appreciated by your employer during the holidays? Has administration ever asked you? I would love to continue the conversation in the comment section below, or you can always follow me on TikTok, Instagram, or Facebook. I love interacting with my readers! Motherhood. It sounds official, important, and majestic. And IT IS. BUT - motherhood - being a MOTHER - is a constant, daily, exhausting, never-ending, rollercoaster of a job that has zero degrees or certifications as preparation and the measuring stick seems to move daily. Who is measuring? My boys? The world? My husband? Social media? The boys' future therapists? ME? Let all that soak in for a few moments and then we will dig into this crazy ride called motherhood. Being a mother is definitely my greatest JOY in life. I have wanted to be a mom since I was a very young girl setting up mock classrooms in my garage for neighborhood children (#truestory) and naming my children in big bubble letters in my third-grade spiral notebook. I babysat my entire neighborhood it seemed, and I was going to be a mom as soon as I got married and worked 2 years as a nurse. I would be 24 and my life would be perfect. Then life happened. For lots of reasons, and over many years, I thought motherhood was not in the cards for me. I was devastated. I wasn't sure what life would be without ME being a mom. I was destined to be a mother, right? That was the PLAN. I live by and stick to the PLAN. Fast-forward to age 34 and my first baby boy was born screaming, dreaming, and wild, and he hasn't stopped any of those yet! His 8 year old brother was waiting on him in the waiting room bursting with excitement. 2 years later, God gave me the sweetest, big-hearted, most mellow fellow in the universe and God's plans for me and my motherhood journey were complete. All those nights I looked to the starlit heavens with tears in my eyes wondering when it would be my turn ended. All those Happy Mother's Day cards and texts I sent out with awkward responses like "um, thank you- hope you have a good day too" were over. Some women may say motherhood doesn't define them or isn't their purpose. I do love other things. I enjoy hobbies and my career and a good live band or a breeze on a boat. I will sit on any cabin deck in the mountains and drink any cup of coffee if it's made right. But being a mother is and will always be my MOST IMPORTANT JOB. And every time I look at my green-eyed boy with the world's longest eyelashes acting on stage, or admire the kind, responsible young man my step-son has become, or listen to my big-blue-eyed baby boy tell me how he wants to help someone in need, the world drifts away. Nothing else matters. If I had never made a proper diagnosis, helped someone who was in pain, or received any trophy, plaque, or ribbon for my efforts, I would be just fine. My real work is being done every single day and will continue until I leave this Earth. Those 3 boys are my purpose in life. Thank you, Jesus, for answering my prayers in Your way on Your time. HERE ARE 14 LESSONS I LEARNED IN MY FIRST DECADE OF MOTHERHOOD. I'M NOW IN MY SECOND DECADE, BUT I'VE HAD MOST OF THESE DOWN FOR A LITTLE WHILE NOW.
I think each of these lessons deserves a little more detail. I really had no trouble thinking of these, since they have honestly been LESSONS LEARNED. These are all things I literally did not know until I knew. And what you don't know, well... it's just better that you know these. 🤷♀️
My own mother told me many years ago that motherhood would be both the hardest and the MOST IMPORTANT job I would ever have. She has never been a step-mother. She has never been through a divorce and tried to navigate a second marriage with a man who was also navigating a second marriage. She has what some might call a wonderful, life-long, high-school-sweetheart partnership that is still going strong over 50 years later. She had 2 smart kids who were active in sports and music and for the most part well-behaved. She wasn't working as a nurse practitioner bringing work home every night, and she wasn't commuting over 8 hours every week. And she still said it was the hardest. And the most important. Odds are that I don't know you. I don't know how many people live in your house or what kind of childhood you had. I don't know how many times you've been hurt or who exactly caused your pain. I don't know how demanding your job is or if you even work outside the home. I don't know if you struggled to get pregnant or if you have more children than you ever intended. Your family may be blended or straight out of Southern Living. It doesn't matter. If you're reading this, you are most likely a parent, probably a female, and if I were a betting woman, I would bet you are exhausted. You are overwhelmed. You are lonely. You are bored if we are being 100% honest. You are under-appreciated and overworked. And you wanted to know you're not alone. I declare from my Georgia basement with my ice-pack on my already-arthritic knee, you are NOT alone. I am with you. My own mama with her cookie cutter textbook family was with you and is still with you. This is hard work. And it's WORTH IT. I hope this article brought you some comfort, whimsy, new ideas, or peace. Just remember wherever you are, I am with you. I'm only halfway to 18 on my youngest, so we can hang out for quite a while yet. 🤪 Godspeed. Please help support my fellow hope*writers' work by reading their posts using the prompt word "fourteen"... :
The Most Wonderful Time of the Year: 14 Things I Love About the Holidays by Jessica Weaver www.rootedunrooted.com/blog/the-most-wonderful-time-of-the-year 14 Truths about Love by Sharla Hallett www.sharlahallett.com/14-truths-about-love/ Fourteen Adjectives to Cultivate in Kids by Jessica Haberman https://storytellerfarm.com/fourteen-adjectives-to-cultivate-in-kids/ 14 Parenting Tips to Raise Strong, Independent Kids by Ashley Olivine https://louvaria.com/14-parenting-tips/
Before deciding if you love me or hate me, let's look at each of these in a little more detail. If you are reading this and you don't work in healthcare, I encourage you to close your eyes. Imagine driving to work where patients are very sick and you are responsible for their health. Imagine being extremely exhausted - mentally, physically, and emotionally. Imagine having the same conversations day in and day out. Imagine wearing a mask and face shield all day every day AND if you work in certain healthcare settings, full plastic gowns (sweaty and HOT) with even more restrictive masks (n95). Think about having heart-wrenching conversations about death and dying with families and patients that you have come to love over many years. Consider praying on your drive in and your drive home because you've worked in healthcare since you were 19 years old, but you've never seen anything as dark and dangerous, cold and pointless, savage and destructive as THIS. Imagine that you, like everyone else, have also been unable to see loved ones, travel, send your kids to school without a mask, and that you- like everyone else- have your own political and religious beliefs but you cannot mention those since ALL eyes and ears are on you. Now imagine doing that every single day for 20 months in a row.
I usually wrap up my posts with some heart-swelling, tear-jerking, or funny concluding thoughts. I try to connect us as humans, mothers, fathers, daughters, sons, sisters, brothers, neighbors, and friends. I find a way to touch you, soften you, move you even if it’s only for a moment. I don’t know how to do that with this post. I’m tired. I’m sad. I’m frustrated. I’m still hopeful. I still believe. I guess I will end by asking all of us to consider the division we have all felt over the past 2 years. Consider the lost lives and energy we have all spent to prove we are right. And hug your family. Hug your loved ones. And look your “enemy” in the eye before you judge their choices. We really are all the same. Imperfect. Scared. And trying to stay alive. 🌎 State Prints from Jane- White on White Frames from Amazon These are the 4 states in which I've lived!
LUG Switch crossbody bag - came with free phone holder that you can touch through (though I haven't tried it) and it has that RFID technology that keeps people from scanning your card #s. Ya'll, this was my first ever QVC purchase and I am 45 years old. I love, love, love the bag though for shopping as it's the perfect size for my small LUG Splits Wallet (got it from amazon- will link on my tools page), my phone, keys, lipstick, coupons, mask, and hand sanitizer. I think the QVC chic showed it worn as a fanny pack also, but I haven't been to Disney since I got it. :-). I know I paid under $50, but I would have to look back at the exact price. I can't find the exact one on Amazon but I linked one very similar in my "tools" page. This bag is still available on the QVC site but the colors are very limited. 👀
When a patient presents with hair loss, I obtain a thorough history:
I then perform a thorough physical exam and order the following tests:
That may not “answer” your question but I hope it helps you know what a clinician will be looking for with this presentation of hair loss. 🩺👩⚕️ Personally, I have dealt with hair loss from taking Methotrexate for my sarcoidosis.
It started coming out in clumps in the shower and then in my brush. I soon had very patchy areas of hair loss all over my scalp. My hairdresser advised me to stop applying heat to my hair when possible, to wash my hair less frequently, to avoid ponytail holders when possible, and to avoid any hair color or harsh chemicals. I usually got some blonde highlights in the spring put in my naturally red hair, but I went without those for 4 years while I was on Methotrexate. My rheumatologist increased my Folic Acid dose from 1 mg to 2 mg daily, and I ordered Biotin off Amazon Subscribe and Save. I took the Biotin daily to help with hair growth. I am finally off Methotrexate and on Humira and am seeing hair growth again. Losing my hair was very emotional for me. My bright red hair has defined me for so long. I now knew what all of my patients struggling with hair loss from chemo or other medical reasons were feeling, and boy was it a wake up call. My heart goes out to anyone struggling with hair loss. Much love to you and I hope this helps. I was surprised 🧐 when the vaccine came out for frontline HCW (healthcare workers) in December 2020 and the general public started claiming it caused sterility. Let’s use common sense. 🧠 It takes 1–24 months 📆 to conceive before most providers start to investigate infertility. It takes 40 weeks to carry a baby 🍼 to term. Let’s average conception time to 12 months and add the gestation time of 9 months🤰 to = 21 months. Covid REALLY started to hit the US hard about 18–19 months ago. The vaccine was available to some of us 9–10 months ago but MOST of the women of childbearing age could not receive it until 5 months ago. How can anyone claim infertility at this point in time? 🤔 I never say never because I am constantly learning in medicine. Every day I see something I never thought I would witness. I have had pregnant women🤰contract Covid and pregnant women🤰receive the Covid vaccine. I have also seen pregnant unvaccinated women with Covid whose babies had to be delivered while mom was on the ventilator. My community just lost a 28 year-old mother of 3 who never got to know her newborn. 🥲 The American College of Obstetrics & Gynecology and the Society for Maternal Fetal Medicine issued a joint statement encouraging the vaccine for all pregnant women🤰 in July 2021. I recognize that I have the benefit of being "done" having my babies as I navigate this pandemic. That fact is NOT lost on me. I know young adults are faced with a very hard decision with such a new vaccine and their entire lives in front of them. Early in the pandemic, I even advised some of my young, healthy patients to wait until we had more long-term data... that I saw no serious health risk if they were to contract covid. 2021 changed that. I have had YOUNG, healthy patients on the ventilator and near death. I still believe it is a personal decision, but please be sure you are getting your information from reputable sources and people you trust. Much love... Early morning in a hotel room in Birmingham, AL and it’s already scorching outside. The boys are asleep, but I’m still basking in the glory of seeing an old friend last night. We picked up as if we were just sitting next to each other in AP English, but in reality, it has been TEN years since I’ve seen her face and hugged her tightly.
With social media, one can “feel” like we know what’s going on in each other’s lives, but nothing replaces uninterrupted conversation and rehashing old memories. When you’re 45 and you see someone who knew you at 11 in that awkward braces-for-her, round-thick-glasses-for-me phase, any ego or feeling of adultness goes out the window. We saw each other’s hearts get broken and dreams get lived out. I twirled a flag in a band she led onto the field, and she had to witness all my annoying academic dominance in high school. Can you believe she actually apologized for something she said that was cruel to me 30 years ago? She is one of the most beautiful loving souls I have ever known! Her faith and love for God has always brought me to her like a moth to a flame; she has been a safe space for me to express my faith. Why do we all hold onto old garbage? I do it too! We all do. This time our conversation covered motherhood, marriage, aging parents, losing parents, our nursing careers, and each of our unwanted entrances into the world of rheumatology. Just like in high school, we laughed and smiled about our daily quest to do the best we can and survive the icky parts of relationships, parenting, and work. Both a little wiser, and me definitely a lot humbler (her too, I’m sure), it was refreshing to be REAL for a few hours with my friend who saw me with 2” high bangs and overalls with one strap unbuttoned. You can’t lie to a friend who has seen all that. |