When I sat down to do my YEARLY REVIEW at the end of 2021, I was literally drained. I was exhausted: mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I could barely even form a sentence in my head.
As I started PLANNING MY YEAR AHEAD as I usually do each holiday season, I started to see just how many things were already on my calendar. I am not sure if I felt disbelief, disgust, or disenchantment. "That will be cancelled. That won't happen. I doubt we actually do that."
After two years of cancelled, postponed, and rescheduled plans, I almost reached for a pencil instead of a pen. I am eternally optimistic, but I am TIRED. You know those days where you sit down in the evening and you feel like you've been to DisneyWorld with 2 toddlers and 2 strollers and a newborn? Those days where you are driving home from a busy day in family practice and you aren't even exactly sure what your own name is (much less a disease or dosage of medication)? I feel like we've all had TWO YEARS of those days.
So I decided to just boycott goals altogether for 2022.
I wasn't going to make goal(s) for Health, Finance, Education, Personal Growth, Career, Family, Marriage, Spirituality, Home, etc like I usually do every year. The thought of doing that after I wrote my GOAL SETTING post was just as insurmountable as climbing Mount Everest (for this girl who already battles a chronic lung disease).
Choosing a word for the year? Meh.
And usually I am ALL OVER THAT!. But the only words that have come to mind lately (that don't include mild profanity) are flexibility, change, resiliency, and stamina. And I realize all of those words are entrenched in what I have LEARNED FROM THIS PANDEMIC as a frontline family NP. So I haven't chosen a word just yet. And I'm not sure that I will choose one for 2022.
And what I'm finding is that wearing ACTUAL CLOTHES (no scrubs, no standard mom "leggings and a tee" uniform) makes me feel better. It makes me feel better about myself, my life, my marriage, my work, and my day. I never thought I would be typing this, but it's TRUE.
I choose healthier foods and move more when my pants have a zipper and a button. 👖
I try to have healthier emotional reactions when I don't look like I just rolled out of bed. 🧘♀️
I am reminded of my passion for medicine when I am dressed the professional part. 👩⚕️
I am even nicer to my husband when I like my reflection in the mirror. 👩❤️👨
I feel better about spending all the money I have spent on clothes now that I am actually wearing them. 😜
So there you have it.
I set one goal for 2022.
It is simple and it used to be automatic.
What happened to the girl who loved shoes and purses and dressing up?
Where did she go?
Who and what took her from me?
I feel her trying to emerge again.
She is ready for this new year.
She has no idea what's going to happen and no control over any of it.
But she is showing up.
And she looks and feels AMAZING. 👗
*** most of the time
*** except on Mondays
*** or on days when her kids are off the chain
*** but she is trying ☀️