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I was listening to Emily P Freeman's episode with Shauna Niequist and one of Shauna's quotes struck me right in the sternum. Ouch! Immediate shame washed over me and so I had to check myself. Shame and I have been working ourselves out this past year or so, and so when She (shame) comes around, all my bells and whistles go off. Hold up, wait a minute - why did those words sting me like a fresh slap on the cheek? I think it is because they are TRUE. As women, we can connect or we can compare, but we cannot do both. A little louder for the people in the back. WE CAN CONNECT OR WE CAN COMPARE BUT WE CANNOT DO BOTH. These are Shauna's words reiterated and repeated by Emily. I am going to break this down on a practical level, because this is one lesson I hope I never forget. How do we connect and/or compare ourselves as women? Let me count the ways! Think of all the women you may encounter on a daily basis and check yourself on whether you have sized them up or stood with them in their journey.
Now consider if you've ever had these thoughts or even verbalized them with another woman ABOUT another woman... (gut punch)
I recently finished the book "What Happened to You?" by Dr. Bruce D. Perry and Oprah Winfrey. The concept inside the book includes a HUGE mindset shift from thinking "what's wrong with you?" to "what happened to you?". If someone you know or love is acting in ways that are not the norm- displaying anger, depression, anxiety, mood swings, childishness, avoidance, bitterness, negativity, or any emotion we don't "like" - take a deep breath. That person is CLEARLY struggling. Instead of taking another person's toxic behavior personally, acknowledge that something is going on within that person. They are acting out because something at some time happened to them or is happening now to them. Now, apply this concept of what happened to you AND the concept of connection instead of comparison and apply it to all those women we listed above:
Ladies, can we see the difference here?
Connection versus comparison??? Shauna is right! We can connect or we can compare but we CANNOT do both. Giving TOO MUCH grace, not holding boundaries, and "letting people off the hook" are worthy of their own post, but the simple art of connection is still a fantastic place to START. Let us begin with common ground and try to excise the comparison. Comparison really is the thief of joy my friends (thanks Teddy Roosevelt). Let us come together as ONE body of women and humans and recognize what joins us. We all face similar adversities as women, and tearing each other down is killing us as a sisterhood and internally at a soul level. To all the women in my life, I see you. I know you. I could be you. Let me recognize YOU and acknowledge YOU before my mind plays games. Ask any healer anywhere (nurse, therapist, doctor, anyone in the healing arts) and they will agree that at the most basic level, on our most vulnerable days, in our weakest moments, we are ALL the same. At our first breath and our last, we are completely and entirely the same. Comparison be gone. Godspeed.
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Hey, I know you. I share a bed, a remote, and a living room with you. I ride in the front seat with you. I talk to you numerous times a day about kids and groceries and logistics. I know how you take your coffee and what you like on your pizza. But, do I know you right now, at this very moment, 12 years in, more or less than I did say 10 years ago? BEFORE our conversations revolved around schedules and pickups and homework. I know I have changed in the last 12 years. Surely you have as well? Have I asked? Have I noticed? Have you seen the changes in me? Have you noticed? Are we giving each other what we need? (my therapist is ALWAYS in my ear- "tell them what you NEED Amy! tell that person what you NEED.") Every year we try to take a trip sans kiddos to regroup, reconnect, unplug, and just have fun together. It is a WORTHY investment (time and money) in a marriage or relationship. Parenting is hard! Adulting is hard! Marriage is hard! Sure, some people make it look easy, but let's leave them out of it and talk about the real work that staying married involves. We usually try some "games" or conversation starters to break our habit of only talking about our kids, our jobs, or our day-to-day frustrations. Sometimes we play "would you rather?". Here are some of the ones we asked this last date night:
Wait, what just happened? We soon realized that the frivolous conversations led to deeper ones and that was the eventual goal anyway, BUT had we ever really talked about any of these things? We have not crossed into some of those territories personally, but we have witnessed other loved ones facing different challenges. Those various challenges have seemed more frequent as we age, or perhaps our reservoirs of empathy grow deeper with maturity and life experience. To be quite frank, husband and I had not attended many funerals together prior to the last 2-3 years. We were busy attending weddings or baby showers. That dress with heels and coat and tie now have a different destination it seems. And so it goes. This weekend we've discussed our future grandparent names, how we picture retirement for each of us individually as well as together, and trips we plan to take. We have discussed aging parents and various family caregiving scenarios. Our first few "just us" getaways involved naps and recovery from pure exhaustion and planning out toddler birthday parties, Halloween costume ideas, or Santa ideas. Now we are brainstorming passive income ideas, retirement goals, and our own personal dreams and desires. We are transforming, both together and separately, from Mom & Dad, to 2 people with our own passions, fears, and personal insecurities. I am by no means a marriage expert.
I have seen a beautiful example of marriage in my parents and some of my other family members. Husband and I have each had a failed marriage prior to this one, so we know how painful divorce is and we are each way too stubborn to go down without a fight. I'm not writing this as a beacon of marital bliss, but rather as a tired working mom in the thick of motherhood, menopause, and midlife (try having kids in your mid-30's) 😜. I am writing this as an imperfect, hard-to-please, bleeding-heart woman married to an imperfect, hard-headed, scared-of-abandonment man that didn't see the example of marriage that I saw growing up. We are actually two scared-of-being-vulnerable humans bound together by beautiful boys and God, fate, the universe - but we, too, are still trying to figure it all out. If you find yourself still figuring it all out, it's OKAY. Stay the course. My Uncle Don told me one time many years ago, "Amy, you know how to stay married, right? long pause. You just never leave. Neither of you. You stay and you don't leave." Time and space apart can sometimes be good for a marriage. They can allow room to think and heal. But time TOGETHER has been our best strategy. Make your marriage a priority. Make your spouse a priority. He or she is a worthy investment. You can read all the books and try all the counseling, but sometimes you just need TIME together and conversations that bring you closer than you thought you might ever be. Godspeed.
Before deciding if you love me or hate me, let's look at each of these in a little more detail. If you are reading this and you don't work in healthcare, I encourage you to close your eyes. Imagine driving to work where patients are very sick and you are responsible for their health. Imagine being extremely exhausted - mentally, physically, and emotionally. Imagine having the same conversations day in and day out. Imagine wearing a mask and face shield all day every day AND if you work in certain healthcare settings, full plastic gowns (sweaty and HOT) with even more restrictive masks (n95). Think about having heart-wrenching conversations about death and dying with families and patients that you have come to love over many years. Consider praying on your drive in and your drive home because you've worked in healthcare since you were 19 years old, but you've never seen anything as dark and dangerous, cold and pointless, savage and destructive as THIS. Imagine that you, like everyone else, have also been unable to see loved ones, travel, send your kids to school without a mask, and that you- like everyone else- have your own political and religious beliefs but you cannot mention those since ALL eyes and ears are on you. Now imagine doing that every single day for 20 months in a row.
I usually wrap up my posts with some heart-swelling, tear-jerking, or funny concluding thoughts. I try to connect us as humans, mothers, fathers, daughters, sons, sisters, brothers, neighbors, and friends. I find a way to touch you, soften you, move you even if it’s only for a moment. I don’t know how to do that with this post. I’m tired. I’m sad. I’m frustrated. I’m still hopeful. I still believe. I guess I will end by asking all of us to consider the division we have all felt over the past 2 years. Consider the lost lives and energy we have all spent to prove we are right. And hug your family. Hug your loved ones. And look your “enemy” in the eye before you judge their choices. We really are all the same. Imperfect. Scared. And trying to stay alive. 🌎 I love Christmas. I love the smell of a live tree, the music on the radio and in the stores, snuggling up with my boys, my husband, and Charlie the Dachshund watching Christmas movies. I love SHOPPING for the people I love, and I even love wrapping gifts. I love driving around looking at Christmas lights. I love baking Christmas cookies and competing in our annual Cobb Christmas Cookie (or Ornament - we rotate) Decorating Contest (votes on facebook are official, right? 😜). I love making and decorating my holiday planner. I love the candlelit church services, the Christmas hymns, and reading the story of the birth of Jesus in the bible with and to my boys. I love spending time with my aunts, uncles, and cousins. The laughter is so needed after these last 18 months, and the memories we are making will last a lifetime. About 3 years ago, I decided I was going to open a Christmas Club (Holiday Savings) account at my local bank. I knew they existed because I believe my parents might have had one back in the 1980s or 1990s, and I even had one when I got my very first job as an RN. I remembered how wonderful it was to receive my "Christmas Check" to do all my shopping. I remembered walking in stores and paying cash for every gift I bought. While my husband and I have been very diligent with our spending over our 12 year marriage, we had never really discussed Christmas or the money that goes into it. Like most couples, there is usually one person who buys all the gifts and wraps them, and another person who finds out what we gave Cousin Bobby when he opens it. That "felt" like all the Christmas purchasing, budgeting, and quite frankly- funding- was on my shoulders. We combine finances and sometimes he would order a gift or stop by and grab a gift for the kids, but he rarely considered the other 30+ people we buy for at the holidays. I tried to never use a credit card for Christmas, but with the busy holiday schedule and small children to wrangle, sometimes it happened, and I knew I wanted that to change. Cue the Christmas Club account! Have you ever actually written down how many people you buy for and what you spend on average for each person? We buy gifts for a lot of people! -Hairdresser, massage therapist, housekeeper -teachers (up to 10-15 depending on how many kids you have), bus driver -coworkers, boss(es), maybe a neighbor -extended family (we draw names, thank you Jesus, but still) -we usually do something for our trash/recycle employees, mail person, sometimes Amazon driver (Lord knows he knows me by name now) -pastor, Sunday school teacher, youth group leader -adult friends (I have some nearby and some out-of-state) -coaches, band director, drama teachers -our doctor, NP, PA ,nurses, office staff, pharmacist especially if we have had a challenging year with our health...I know the year I got sick, I gave gifts to my team of providers who worked so hard to help me get a diagnosis and start treatment -Angel tree or other donations like Operation Christmas Child -our immediate family and don't forget the stockings OR your spouse / partner! This is the amount I received last November in my "Club Check" from my Christmas account. $4300 I didn't need all $4300 for Christmas, but I did use some for some other unexpected expenses and that was wonderful too! I had absolutely ZERO stress knowing that every single item I purchased for Christmas was paid for in full AND that I even had money left over. I like to donate to specific charities around Christmas too, so I use my Christmas Club money for those donations as well. If you are looking for ideas, most children's hospitals have an online store from which you can choose gifts for patients or for the pediatric units themselves. I have the boys sit down with me and we take some money from their car funds (upcoming post soon) combined with money from this fund and the joy on their faces as the pick out toys and supplies for sick children is priceless. Wherever your giving heart leads you, I encourage you to follow it and include your children in that experience. We are teaching our children how to treat others. 🌻 This is my current account balance for 2021. I started with some seed money in 2020, so my club check was higher than it will be in 2021, but that's okay too. I contribute $100 per paycheck as a direct deposit from my employer every 2 weeks. I realize that is a LOT of money for most families, but after interviewing friends and coworkers about this topic, I have found that most American families spend at least $2000 on Christmas. Part of that $2000 is gifts, but we must also factor in: -travel (gas, airfare, hotels) -food (eating out more and hosting family) -decorations -tickets to particular holiday events -holiday outfits for pictures or Christmas pajamas Pro tip: Not money related, but, super cool. I read this somewhere and I've started doing it. As you are wrapping each gift, pray over the person who will receive it. This has come more naturally since I have been doing this for a few years now, so my prayers have become more specific. They started as "Dear Lord, please be with Sally and allow her to have a safe and wonderful Christmas." Now they are "Lord, I have seen Sally go through peaks and valleys this year. I have witnessed her grief as she lost her mom and have held her hand as she faced various health challenges. I know You have plans for her and that You know every specific need she has right now. Cover her with Your grace and mercy and bring peace to her heart and family. Allow her to feel Your presence. Allow me to be a source of love and comfort in her life as I continue to walk in Your ways and learn as I go. Give me the strength to support my dear friend." While I realize it's too late to have a Christmas Club account for 2021 Christmas, this is actually the perfect time to go open your account for 2022! Even if you only deposit $25 per paycheck, that will add up to a $650 Christmas Club check next November! Checks usually come the first week in November.
Final Pro tip: I do shop for Christmas year-round. If I find something I know my loved one will like, I snag it and keep it in my Christmas closet. This helps my wallet and my stress level. When Kroger has 4x fuel points for gift cards, I load up on gift cards. I keep these on hand for birthdays and Christmas. This is yet another way I've automated my life to help with time management when my energy levels are low from my chronic illness. 🌻 Once you have decided on a planner, you will immediately start thinking of ways to use the Notes Pages in the back of the planner. Below, I show you pages from my own planners over the years. Some of the other ways I have used my notes pages include:
📝 ✍️ Happy planning!!! 📒📚
I do want you to listen to the podcast, because I think there are some big pearls in this interview, but here are a few highlights:
Find out who is in your circle:
Plan as much as you can ahead of time:
Final pro tips: -Keep a medical binder of all your paperwork -Have a designated inbox for all incoming papers (follow The Planning Woman for more on this) -Apply for intermittent FMLA with your employer -My personal pro tip: PET THERAPY! 🐶🐱 Charlie the Dachshund makes everything better!
I was pretty sure an acorn grew into a tree. I haven't been in first grade for a while, but I thought I remembered an acorn grew into an oak tree. I decided I better look it up before I wrote an entire post about it, and alas... an acorn does grow into an oak tree. Wikipedia expounded upon acorns being used in art, cuisine, customs, and as food for various birds and mammals. When I took the picture of the acorn in my husband's hand this morning, I wasn't thinking about anything but stored potential. Stored potential. I remembered squirrels collect and store acorns for the winter. And they eat the acorns. And those eaten acorns never reach their calling of becoming a beautiful oak tree.
There are all kinds of books and stories and even a finance app regarding the acorn as a tool for storage, delayed potential, growth. And yet... Here we are, scrolling on our phones or our laptops or our tablets (thank you, dear readers, and I do mean that)... Did we write that book we wanted to write? Did we take that ballroom dance class we wanted to take? Did we belt it at karaoke night like we'd been rehearsing with our brush mic in front of our bathroom mirror? (Okay, Susie did but that was the bottomless margaritas singing, not her true heart's desire to sing on a stage in front of strangers and have someone's heart beat a little faster and someone's eyes water at the sheer sound of her voice... wait, maybe that's just me)? Did we finally tell our friend we were sorry when we did that thing that's rolled around in the back of our minds for 20 years? Did we hold our child close to our chest and tell them everything is going to be okay even though we know it might not be okay and we don't want to be the reason they're in therapy later but we don't want to pretend everything is okay, oh my goodness, what is the right answer? Did we apply for the promotion we know we deserve or let another opportunity pass us by? Did we sign up for the race we know we aren't ready for but really, really want to try? Did we tell the person that hurt us repeatedly that they did hurt us and going forward, did we define what we need from them? Did we look in the mirror this morning and like every single inch of our bodies and every single fiber of our heart and soul because God designed us as a masterpiece, beautifully and wonderfully made, despite society's measuring sticks? Or, did we remain on the leaf-covered ground like the acorn... waiting for a squirrel or bird or toddler to scoop us up? Were we stored away for another day? Were we consumed before we ever began our destiny? An oak tree is a beautiful destiny. She is strong, tall, sturdy, and beautiful, with colors that change with the seasons. She provides shelter, shade, and structure. She never leaves us and she stays the same for the most part. You know what else is beautiful? A mother who tells her children she has been hurt too, and that it really is all going to be okay. That she KNOWS it's going to be okay, because she is okay and she will help them be okay as long as she is on this earth. A wife who tells her partner what she needs from them even if she doesn't know if they can give her what she needs. A friend who tells the truth when asked if she's okay. And a friend who recognizes her own flaws and asks for patience and understanding. A daughter who can look at her elderly parents and recognize every line on their face and hands for all its good and bad and steadfastness. She can see herself acquiring those same lines and she knows the toll each one has taken. She knows that her own children will see her lines one day, and she hopes they give her the same recognition. I'm typing this on the porch of a cabin on a lake in north Georgia and the acorns are literally spilling from the treetops hitting the ground HARD and abruptly and with force and determination. Each one comes down on this cabin rooftop or leaf-scattered ground with a POUND or a BOOM or a SNAP. And my heart is full. For I know the destiny of each tiny acorn. She is yearning to become a beautiful oak. She is waiting for her moment to rise. Now it is your turn. What path will you choose? Will you make the hard decisions, let your voice be heard, show up for those who love and need you? Or will you stay on the ground... waiting... watching... allowing life to happen all around you? I dare you to stand. I will stand with you. State Prints from Jane- White on White Frames from Amazon These are the 4 states in which I've lived!
LUG Switch crossbody bag - came with free phone holder that you can touch through (though I haven't tried it) and it has that RFID technology that keeps people from scanning your card #s. Ya'll, this was my first ever QVC purchase and I am 45 years old. I love, love, love the bag though for shopping as it's the perfect size for my small LUG Splits Wallet (got it from amazon- will link on my tools page), my phone, keys, lipstick, coupons, mask, and hand sanitizer. I think the QVC chic showed it worn as a fanny pack also, but I haven't been to Disney since I got it. :-). I know I paid under $50, but I would have to look back at the exact price. I can't find the exact one on Amazon but I linked one very similar in my "tools" page. This bag is still available on the QVC site but the colors are very limited. 👀
Who knew a pen and paper ✍️ could save a life? I wasn’t actively suicidal. But I was having frequent daydreams of having a wreck that was “bad enough” to keep me in the hospital a few days, off work at least a month, and unable to help anyone else for a while. 😳 I wanted it to be a single-car accident and of course I wanted to be alone. I wasn’t looking forward to the injuries and was praying nothing would require surgery, but I couldn’t wait to have a respite from work, life, and motherhood. Does that sound crazy? Selfish? Or similar to thoughts you’ve had? Caregiver fatigue 😴 is a real thing, even if you’re paid to care for others. Motherhood fatigue 😴and lemme just say it, full-time step-motherhood 🤷🏼♀️ fatigue is a real thing even if you love your children 🚶♂️👬🏼 dearly. Today’s world 🌎 for women is exhausting:
Toss in a pandemic 😷 and virtual school 📚and BAM, all the therapists are booked! Fortunately, my mental "breakdown" was pre-pandemic. Thank the heavens I already had a therapist when my regular job got flipped upside down in March of 2020. My crazy started when I was in the throes of motherhood, working full-time and commuting with kids age 2, 4, and 12. I was crying regularly on my way home from work, wondering how I was going to get everything done and actually sleep too...😴 I’ve always had pen and paper near me, but I didn’t start regularly journaling ✍️ until I started feeling that OVERWHELM on a regular basis. I had so many thoughts racing through my head and I didn’t have a system to capture them. I was using a planner, but I might think of something while driving or in the shower and I would lose the idea 💡 or thought before I captured it. Some internet scrolling led me to David Allen’s Getting Things Done method. By this point I had played around with bullet journaling and list making (List Maker 4 Life right here now!), but again, I felt like my thoughts were fleeting and scattered. I will link the GTD method below, and I do think it's a good system, but that's not the point of this post. Once I started decluttering my mind from all the racing thoughts, then I had to face my actual thoughts. This was not a good look. I couldn't remember the last time I had laughed with abandon or woken up with a passion for life. I felt like I was on a treadmill with no way off. Someone was going to have to pull me off, and I didn't have the time or energy to ask anyone to pull me off. I never felt relaxed. I was in a constant state of fight or flight (or so it seemed). I was alive. But was I living? Enter the JOURNAL. ✍️ A journal can be so many things:
Happy + Happy = Happy I was listening to a podcast the other day, and the speaker said he thinks we are all happier when we make others happier. Agreed. Then he said we are all happier when we are around other happy people. Also agreed. I went along my merry way and was strolling through the aisles of Home Goods, aimlessly looking at mugs and throw pillows, and those 2 thoughts kept resonating with me. Making others happier and being around other happy people makes US happy. What does it mean to make others happy? I know for a fact I've made some people happy in my lifetime. And yes, that made me happy. But did I even know what I was doing? Was me being happy by making them happy even my agenda? Do people even think about that? Can a person be happy as "an island?" What about people who choose to remain single or just haven't found a life partner? Those who live in solitude? Are they doomed to a life of unhappiness? What about solopreneurs and those whose jobs involve them working alone? Does that mean they are unhappy? I used to have a sign that says "happiness is a decision made ahead of time." I had another one that said "some people pursue happiness while others create it." While I do think that "our input determines our output" and "we are what we eat" (both in terms of food and the digital content we consume), I just don't think it's that simple anymore. You see, I can wake up, set my intention for the day, stay as happy as I "want" to be and in the course of one single day I can have the following conversations:
And those are just work examples. What about life examples?
So, how do I continue to make others happy in the above situations? How do I maintain my positive outlook? Aren't there times when happy ISN'T the right answer or attitude and staying positive just feels WRONG? In some situations, making others happy devalues their pain and suffering which honestly makes them feel even more isolated and unhappy. I realize not everyone has a job in the healing field, the medical field, or with the public. But we are all HUMAN. Almost all of us have friends, coworkers, neighbors, church members, family members, SOMEONE at some point in each day that is going to confide in us and lean on us. Do we lean in and choose to be a present fencepost or lighthouse for those that need us or do we back off all in the name of HAPPINESS and choosing joy? Can we even enjoy the good things without seeing the bad? I don't think we can.
I am REALLY starting to pay attention to my body when I meet new people. I don't always count them out if my first impression is less than stellar, but I do remember it. I take note so that I'm not surprised down the road.
And here's another disclaimer to Mr. Podcast's 2nd claim. Sally may make me feel good but I can't ever see her because our schedules are opposite and she's not good at reaching out. She struggles with depression and anxiety, so I have to let her reach out when she has the emotional space to do so. Bobby may make me feel like crap, but he's my brother and I love him, so then what? Susie might put me on edge every day, but she's my boss and I spend several hours a week with her. So yeah, Mr. Podcast, I like your ideas and they sound great, but then there's life. And after living and working and being in a few families now, I know that we can't always choose who we are around. And maybe that's why I stopped putting my 2 happiness signs out. I realized that I can keep a positive mindset and try to limit the time I spend with people who either make me feel bad or suck the life out of me, BUT... I also realized it takes the bad to see the good. It takes the ugly to see the beautiful. It takes all those things my patients tell me every day- that are really happening to people I care about- to make me slow down, sip my coffee, exhale at that stoplight, glance at my kiddos in the rearview, pump up the volume, and sing at the top of my lungs with my sunroof open. It takes being knocked down, run over, and slowly picking yourself up to smile at the exploring, coy toddler vying for your attention at your son's ball game. It takes losing something you love to look at a tree that's been standing outside your window for years and silently thank it for never leaving you. It takes holding someone you love while they shake in fear or agony to appreciate each and every piece of laundry you fold for the 400th time. The mundane is where the magic is... the daily can be the delight. Today, I choose to live... pretty, ugly, hard, easy, funny, scary, joyful, and unthinkable. Happiness will work itself out. She will make her appearance. And I will nod in recognition each time she does. To read some of my friends' thoughts on happiness, please click below and support their work. We all belong to a writer's group and I have learned and grown from each of these special women's work and words.
Chasing Happiness By Sharla Hallett www.sharlahallett.com/chasing-happiness/ Finding True Happiness and Keeping It By Lisa Granger https://lisamarcelina.net/finding-true-happiness-and-keeping-it/ Mom Burnout and How to Be Happy By Ashley Olivine https://www.ashleyolivine.com/mom-burnout/ 3 Days By MelAnn https://graceandrapture.substack.com/p/3-days Seeing Happiness Right in Your Life By Dianne Vielhuber https://simplewordsoffaith.com/2021/10/01/seeing-happiness-right-in-your-life/ The Summer of Happiness Recap of Summer 2021 By Jessica Haberman https://storytellerfarm.com/the-summer-of-happiness-recap-of-summer-2021/ There are so many reasons a person should change jobs. I am going to discuss ALL the reasons a person should change jobs, and then I will discuss the specific reasons that I changed jobs after 15 years with a company. You should probably change jobs if:
I grew up in a family that plays games. My father's family played Rook and Dominos. My mother's mother and her husband loved to play Uno and Skip-Bo with me. My childhood friend and I could then and now beat anybody anywhere in Spades (name the date and time, we will be there). In my first marriage, we hosted game nights pretty regularly since we did not have children and we actually had some free time on weekends. Since moving to Georgia, I have hosted several Girls Nights involving games and a ton of laughter. I can quote some of the crazy things my friends have said from those nights, and I will never regret playing a game with people I love. Playing games makes us feel connected, engaged, and let's face it - COMPETITIVE. In 2021, our kids don't know a ton about winning and losing. Participation trophies are the norm and handling a loss is not a daily challenge. I even work in a county where a ZERO cannot be given by a teacher even if the child doesn't write a single stroke of pencil on the page. A SIXTY is the lowest grade that can be given. WHAT are we teaching our next generation? I am the first to admit that not only am I competitive, but I can get carried away. This has improved with each life decade, and I'm now teaching my kids how to win and lose. We love to play the board game Aggravation and now that they are old enough, we have introduced Taboo, The Five Second Rule, Charades, Mafia, Pictionary, Scrabble, Monopoly, and many more. Along the way, I have created games that we can play at the table during family meals OR on a roadtrip. I have no idea if I am the only one on the planet who created these, so I am not calling copyright and you are more than welcome to use them. I think I made them up, but I am certain I did not. I encourage you to try these with your family. Make sure devices are far away and HAVE FUN!
Anyway, now that you have 5 tried-and-true "invisible" (no prop) games you can play with your family or friends while on a roadtrip or sharing a meal, I encourage you to try it!
Start today! Let me know which ones you loved or hated and leave a comment with any "invisible" games you might play with your family. When a patient presents with hair loss, I obtain a thorough history:
I then perform a thorough physical exam and order the following tests:
That may not “answer” your question but I hope it helps you know what a clinician will be looking for with this presentation of hair loss. 🩺👩⚕️ Personally, I have dealt with hair loss from taking Methotrexate for my sarcoidosis.
It started coming out in clumps in the shower and then in my brush. I soon had very patchy areas of hair loss all over my scalp. My hairdresser advised me to stop applying heat to my hair when possible, to wash my hair less frequently, to avoid ponytail holders when possible, and to avoid any hair color or harsh chemicals. I usually got some blonde highlights in the spring put in my naturally red hair, but I went without those for 4 years while I was on Methotrexate. My rheumatologist increased my Folic Acid dose from 1 mg to 2 mg daily, and I ordered Biotin off Amazon Subscribe and Save. I took the Biotin daily to help with hair growth. I am finally off Methotrexate and on Humira and am seeing hair growth again. Losing my hair was very emotional for me. My bright red hair has defined me for so long. I now knew what all of my patients struggling with hair loss from chemo or other medical reasons were feeling, and boy was it a wake up call. My heart goes out to anyone struggling with hair loss. Much love to you and I hope this helps.
Those are the 3 phrases that come to mind when I think of intention. And boy do I try to live intentionally. I even chose a name for my blog / business/ alter ego etc with the word INTENT. So why do I feel ill-equipped to write about intention?!? I have all the planners, techniques, vision, and skills to live a life well-planned. I have mastered and honed the Home CEO, Working Mom, and Grown Adult roles so much so that I even write blog posts dedicated to living with intention, being more productive, and living your best life. And then I consider the best days and moments I have experienced. They weren’t planned or perfect. Most of them were a result of unforeseen circumstance. I’m living in a state that never crossed my mind prior to my dad losing his job in 1994 when I was a freshman in college. I’m a mother to a child I never knew existed until he was six. I have AMAZING friends, patients, and coworkers I never would have met had my first marriage not ended. And I’m married to a man who gave me 2 gorgeous, smart, funny, loving boys that never would have known my name if all my plans had worked out. Those that know us would agree we would probably have never been in the same room if it weren’t for someone somewhere creating the internet. So I will continue to plan, manifest, set goals, and make to-do lists. It makes me happy and I like to think I’m in control. Then I will watch some of it unfold, unravel, get messy, hurt, and burn - I will be better, wiser, and more compassionate in the aftermath of my intention. ❤️ As I sit outside to write, I hear birds around me, the gentle breeze in the trees, and squirrels rustling through the leaves. It is a gorgeous late summer afternoon, and I can feel the energy of fall from my toes up through my body and into my smile. Fall is my absolute favorite time of year, only one tiny degree above Christmas. I see a blue-tailed lizard shuffle along my patio and I notice a few dry leaves dancing from the treetops to the creek bed.
God didn't make me to live inside. He didn't make me to sit still or stay in one place either. I have lived in 4 states, multiple homes, and I think I'm on my third lifetime (or so it feels most days). Sometimes, when I'm quiet... when IT is quiet.. I reflect on all I have seen, witnessed, felt, loved, lost, and won. Certain flashes in time come to me, waves of emotions, smells, sounds, and FEELINGS. When I'm quiet. When my day is quiet. When I'm not moving or doing or thinking...
Reflection is a beautiful thing. It is often overlooked, but when we slow down and DO IT, we can learn and grow. Now that I'm in my forties, I sometimes look back at times in my teens and twenties and try to "hold on" to that feeling. We really can't do that, though, can we? Frequent reflection allows us to "hold on" right now. To really "feel it" right now... before it passes. Reflection gives us room to take note, consider future improvements, and relish in current joy. I'm hoping to start reflecting every quarter here. A public diary entry of sorts. A record of the good and the bad. A glimpse in time.
This is what I'm learning right now, September 2021:
Taking multiple medications multiple times per day can be overwhelming at best. Remembering to take them, remembering to refill them with the pharmacy, remembering to contact the provider if you run low, and remembering to purchase or pick them up can be stressful, time-consuming, and somewhat depressing. I hate filling my 2 pill boxes each month (one for morning, one for evening). It is a reminder that I am living with a chronic illness and that my body has "failed me." My rheumatologist told me 5 years ago at the onset of my sarcoidosis diagnosis, "Amy, my goal is for us to get your treatment regimen in line to the point that you only think about having an illness when you see me every few months and when you take your medication. Otherwise, I want you to feel so good that you don't even think about it." I did not know then how important those words would be to me five years later. I have FINALLY recruited my husband to help me fill these PITA boxes (they are- I spill meds every month and lose count without fail). Now we turn on Ted Lasso or Bloodline and he fills one while I fill the other. It is depressing to accept that my body depends on the very THING I shell out every single day in my profession. I can truly empathize with my patients who say "but I don't want to be reliant on a pill." A few times I have shown them a picture of my med boxes, and sometimes it has provided comfort. One patient asked "oh my goodness- what is wrong with you?" so I decided I might share a little less. Vulnerability is hard. My best advice is to have a system for managing your medications if you have a chronic illness.
I knew I wanted shelves on all 3 sides of the closet. I knew I didn't want wire racks. I knew I didn't want to use shelving brackets if possible. My husband got creative and thought of a solution. He notched the wood so he could use wooden slats as supports.
I don't know all the other technical ways he made this happen but I love it! I just had a funny thought as I sipped my coffee. I wish I had read this article 19 years ago in my first few weeks of NP school. I wonder if I would have kept going to class? Probably... knowing me. I'm always trying to prove somebody wrong. Alright, alright, I'm about to let you all in on a BIG secret! Those who love me, and especially those who live with me know all of these truths, but I bet many of you are about to lose all your enamor for your health care provider. I am going to tell you about the daily life of a family nurse practitioner working in primary care. In essence, my day can be broken down into a few "sessions" or time periods.
Let me laugh with another sip of coffee real quick before I proceed.
Going back to my original "dreams" of working as an NP, did any of it come true?
Check out these posts from my fellow Hope*Writers for our monthly writing challenge. This month's theme was "daily": Oh, I Try by Jessica Weaver www.rootedunrooted.com/blog/oh-i-try Kids Sleep Meditation: 6 Daily Practice Dos and Don’ts by Ashley Olivine louvaria.com/kids-sleep-meditation/ Lessons from Daily Bread by Dianne Vielhuber simplewordsoffaith.com/2021/09/01/lessons-from-daily-bread/ Daily Conversations with God by Sharla Hallett www.sharlahallett.com/daily-conversations-with-god/ As a family nurse practitioner, I see moms, dads, grandparents, and kids every day in my office. One of the most common questions I encounter with my pediatric patients comes from frustrated, defeated parents or grandparents. HOW CAN I GET MY CHILD TO EAT VEGETABLES? Here is the tried-and-true method I've used with my own children to get them to eat vegetables (and other healthy foods):
Let's discuss each tip in more detail. There are some things you need to know before you begin.
If you are reading this article thinking that I am judging you, I am not by any means. I think all mothers and fathers are doing the best they can when they can where they are in life. You decided that you want to work on Johnny's diet, and you looked for help. I decided I could not lie to you and give you what you wanted to read. You need the truth! These tips have worked in my house and in HUNDREDS of homes of my patients throughout my career. Good luck Mom or Dad! You can do this!!! I am cheering for you! I'm waving broccoli and carrots at you from Georgia!
How to be the most productive on your day off (when you have to run errands): 10 Pro Tips!8/11/2021
We have all been there. We have an unexpected day off and we try to cram 497,632 things to do in that one day. That day comes and goes like the wind and maybe only two things were accomplished. We feel like a failure, and we decide we are a lazy blob of a human. None of this is true.
Here are 10 pro tips when running errands and being productive on your day off:
Let's take a deep dive into each of these pro tips.
I encourage you to try these on your next day off and share your success stories (or epic fails- we can laugh or cry with you) in the comments below. Please know that I still have wasted days off, and that's okay! I'm learning in my forties that some days are meant to be wasted. (insert sunshine, beach music, and a cool breeze here)
First of all- this morning was a disaster, so I thought this might be a good topic for a blog post. Since my oldest is now 19 and out of the house, I cannot claim to be a novice at getting children out the door. My youngest is now in fourth grade, so again I should be good at this.
I learned many years ago that mornings and evenings with children can make or break any parent's heart. All kids out the door with teeth brushed, hair combed, deodorant on, lunch in hand, and backpacks on equals home run, grand slam, touchdown. If either or both parent makes it out the door with work lunch, work bag, clothes, jewelry, watch, phone, brain cells, positive attitude, AND shoes--- well you might as well say we have won the lottery. The secret to these success stories (which let’s be honest are few and far between for most of us) is having a morning and an evening routine. I know, I know, everyone and their mother, brother, sister, aunt, uncle, cousin is online touting about elaborate morning and evening routines that are super unrealistic for a single person much less for a family with multiple children. My goal in writing this article is to tell you the absolute truth: the cold, hard, ugly, sometimes-hilarious, often meltdown-provoking truth. The truth is that getting kids out the door is hard. It also takes practice and patience. The following tips will help you get your kids out the door:
The 15 minute buffer: Parents and kids alike need a 15 minute buffer every morning. This is a fact, and I’m not sure why it is true, but it is true. If everyone needs to leave by 7:15 AM , we ALL need to mentally think 7 AM. Allowing that 15 minute buffer reduces anxiety, rushing, attitudes, and raised voices. I personally use the 15 minute buffer always on all days just to reduce my own anxiety since being late provokes panic for me. Have a dedicated spot for backpacks, shoes, and lunchboxes: All five members of our household have always taken their lunch to work or school. This saves money and is better for our physical health. We have a dedicated spot for lunchboxes so that packing lunches is easier. I asked my husband to install hooks in our hallway between the garage and laundry room for backpacks since the layout of our house does not lend itself to a mud room or drop off bench area. The backpack / hoodie hooks have been a game changer in our household. Similarly, shoes are deposited in a designated space as we enter our home. This prevents all the “where are my shoes!?!“ screams in the mornings. When the kids get off the bus or my husband and I get home from work, things aren’t strewn across the kitchen. They go where they belong. Use a timer: I use a the timer on my watch for several things every single morning.
Set expectations ahead of time: My kids know that their homework must be done before bed and not the morning of school. Unless we have a late ballgame or rehearsal and they are just exhausted, they know that they are not allowed to do homework in the morning. This prevents any last minute “mom I have to do this worksheet real quick“ debacles that can derail any smooth morning. My children also know that they eat breakfast at home at the table every morning, and they must allow time to eat in their schedule. They will not be eating a pop tart or breakfast bar on the bus. Whatever expectations you have for your family, I encourage you to make those known well ahead of time and be consistent. Consistency is key. Remain calm: This tip is probably the most important tip but also the most comical in my opinion. I can definitely say this is the hardest one for me to follow. While I am naturally a morning person and usually a calm person, my aforementioned anxiety that stems from being late causes me to get easily flustered if the kids go off the rails. It never fails that the dog won’t go outside or the milk gets spilled or the backpack won’t unzip or mom forgot the applesauce on the click list. These things happen. Since we have the 15 minute buffer, it is best to remain calm and take a few deep breaths before unloading every thought and frustration onto our children. We love our children and our spouse and our dog. Repeat that three times LOL. Weekly habits that make daily routines flow smoothly:
Check schedules every night: I have used a planner my entire life. I am a planning guru. However, when work is crazy and kids' schedules are busy and homework abounds, I sometimes forget to look at my planner. This is never good. Whether you use a digital or a paper planner, it is easy to dismiss a digital reminder or leave a beautifully decorated planner unopened. Check the planner. Check it again. Every night. Charge all the things:
Morning routine for parents:
Evening routine for parents:
Cabinets are Diamond from Lowes. Drawer pulls and knobs also from Lowes. Backsplash tile is from Home Depot. Bar stools from Hobby Lobby. Floors are Revolution Mills Aspire Accolade LVP. Sherwin Williams Angelic paint. My brother built this simple desk. Black chair from Amazon. Gray chair from Home Goods. I love the acrylic shelves to hold my planners from Amazon. Kanban board from Amazon. Intellectual Gray Sherwin Williams Paint inside the sleeping nook. We decided not to waste space under the stairs and placed a twin bed there. My husband wired it with a light and wall outlet in case we ever wanted to mount a TV. The kids love it!
Finding friends as an adult can be difficult. Once we live through certain life events, we can become jaded and mistrusting of others. In today's world of social media and spending so many hours online for work or entertainment, new friend opportunities seem to be few and far between. Ways to find a new friend as an adult in 2021:
Let's talk about the pros and cons of each avenue for creating a new friendship:
I value honesty, deep conversations, and potential for growth now more than ever when I approach a new friendship. Time is precious, and I encourage you to spend it with those who add value to your life. |