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I distinctly remember a conversation I had with an acquaintance when I was a brand new NP in my late 20s. I did not have children yet, but I had made some poor money decisions (traveling and shopping outside of my means mostly). The woman chatting with me (who was 10-15 years my senior) said "Oooooooh, I can only imagine how much money you make. You're a nurse practitioner!" She added "If I were you, I would go get a Starbucks every day! I would pay someone to clean my house! I would buy whatever I wanted." What she didn't know:
What I didn't know:
So - what does any of that have to do with me taking my lunch to work every day as an adult? The truth is, everything. Every. Single. Thing. My plans for this post were to include healthy lunch tips. I was going to post pictures of a variety of healthy lunches I have made and taken (those don't happen during baseball season). I was going to calculate the money I have saved over the past 12-15 years I have been brown-bagging my lunch. But here's the truth. This is why I take my lunch every day. Are you ready?
And I guess me laying all that out to you, friends, is the point. I like the truth. I like the real WHY. I see through the frivolities in life and I shudder at the brand-chasing and label-seeking that drives so many. There is no dollar amount one could pay me to give up my kindergarten-style lunches. It's what I need at this moment right now, and it keeps me sane. Time is my Starbucks - freedom is my housekeeper. To write, to think, to create, to build something from nothing. That's what I chase. Until then, there's homework and practice and rehearsal and charts. Laundry and dishes and puberty and a tired Mom pouring her heart out on the internet. Find your "lunch" --- figure out what keeps you off the edge and what you really want to chase. Godspeed. ❤️
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I have a beefy cardiology post that was supposed to drop today, but I don't wanna. I've started it, and it's important, but it's way too serious after coming off a glorious restful vacation. Instead, I thought I would share all the random thoughts that have been filling up and overflowing from my overworked brain. Maybe you can relate. Maybe not. Either way, you might find these entertaining.
Anywho, it's Saturday- the sun in shining - and if you're exhausted parenting toddlers right now, just enjoy the Duplos and Play-Doh. Starbucks and Xbox await! Entitlement and minimal communication are just chillin' - they'll come soon enough! Godspeed moms and dads. How did our parents survive us? 🥰 I love a good cabin. I love the mountains, a lake, a fireplace or a fire pit, a nice breeze, trees, squirrels, birds, solitude, a good book with a cup of coffee, an ice cold beer with a bluetooth speaker, and TIME AWAY. I can't see all the things left undone. I can't feel all the weight of my daily routine. Out of sight, out of mind. TIME for myself and TIME for my family. TIME to sleep. TIME to eat and actually chew my food. TIME to watch a movie (without doing another task). TIME to lay the phone down. TIME to do nothing. TIME to think!!! TIME to talk. When did we stop talking? Okay, enough about my love affair with nature- let's get to the packing. ❤️ My Top 10 Cabin Trip Packing Tips:
Let's break each tip down further into more of a checklist so that we don't forget anything.
EXTRA PRO TIPS:
Bonus packing tips from my kids: Blanket, pillow from home, stuffed animals, toys, electronics (if parents allow), sound machine, nightlight, books, flops / play shoes *** they each said TOYS about 3x *** If you are new to my page or new to baseball in general, please read my 15 THINGS I WISH I KNEW AS A FIRST-TIME BASEBALL MOM. After writing that lengthy post, I decided to give my travel baseball tips separately since recreational baseball and travel baseball really are two different animals. My top 10 Travel Baseball Tips for New Travel Baseball Moms:
Let's break down each one of these tips into more detail:
I hope you found this post helpful. We are entering our third season of travel ball, and I am still learning all the ins and outs. One other tip I did not mention is to never burn bridges. You never know when your player may play with a former teammate or coach again, and keeping options open for your child will always be in his best interest. Baseball really is like family. We all have a crazy Uncle Larry (sorry to any Larrys out there), but we still love Uncle Larry if he has the team's and the players' best interests at heart. ❤️ *** Disclaimer: I did not mention the First Aid Kit that I have stocked and loaded since I'm the team nurse / NP. I may do an entire post on it since I have tweaked those supplies MANY times during our 11-12 seasons of baseball now! Some of the other basics like sunscreen, sunglasses, chairs, tents, blankets, umbrellas, etc are all covered in my original post "15 beginner baseball mom must-knows" linked below. It can start any day, any time, anywhere. It can begin without warning. The overwhelm. It's like a net that covers me and I struggle to break free. Whenever I feel my heart start to race and my mind going in a million different directions, I know it’s time to do a brain dump. This often happens when I’m driving or in the shower or - even less convenient- when I put my head on the pillow at night. It is very tempting to let those thoughts go, but I have learned to capture them when I can. If I am in bed and the lights are off, I will grab my phone and voice text whatever is in my mind into the notes section of my phone. If there is a reminder I need to set, then I do that in the reminder app that comes standard on an iPhone. For those of you who are not tech savvy but you have an iPhone, you can use Siri to set a reminder or to create an event in your calendar. If lights are still on, I often jot it down on the notepad I keep next to my bed. I have the kind of brain that remembers better if my hand physically writes it down. This is why I still use a paper planner in 2022. If I am driving, I use Apple CarPlay and Siri to do what I mentioned above. I talk into the notes section of my phone or set reminders or create events... all hands-free with my steering wheel and my iPhone. I do not hate technology at all in this capacity. If I am in the shower, I could still use Siri, but she usually doesn’t understand me over the shower. In that situation, I just write down as much as I can remember as soon as I step out of the shower. Yes, I keep a notepad and pens in my top bathroom drawer. I am THAT person. Speaking of the shower, I try not to think of things. I try to use the shower for mindfulness. Mindfulness sounds fancy and woo-woo, but it’s really just being aware of your body in the moment. One example is thinking “I feel the hot water touch the back of my head. It is running down my back and onto the shower floor. I see the water pooling at my feet. I hear the water as it hits the tile. I taste the toothpaste minty and clean in my mouth. I smell the shampoo I am rubbing into my hair. I am thankful to be alive. Today is a blessing.” If I am practicing mindfulness, it is hard for my thoughts to race elsewhere. photo credit: www.atrapamente.com Another way I center myself is the butterfly tapping technique (linked below), deep breathing exercises (inhale through nose 4 seconds, hold 4 seconds, exhale through mouth 5 seconds). I have used both of these with my entire family when my kids have been off the rails and I needed to get us back on track mentally and emotionally. It takes practice, but it works! Once the kids realized they HAD to do it, they actually got into it. Now, let’s talk about how to actually do a brain dump effectively. I just did one since I was feeling overwhelmed with a busy week ahead, so feel free to reference the picture below. The most effective way I have brain dumped over the years is to separate my random thoughts into categories. I base the categories on grouping similar tasks:
The below picture is just a quick 2-3 minute brain dump. When I use the aforementioned categories, that type of brain dump is a 20-30 minute all-inclusive, major brain dump. Those are the BEST ways to brain dump and my body leans toward doing them on Sundays as I am planning for the week ahead. If I miss a Sunday, my brain and body know it. David Allen is famous for his Getting Things Done book and method. He touts that our brains are not meant to carry information and task lists, they are meant to THINK. That feels very true for me. If my brain is full of a to-do list, I am usually unable to write or create. Once I unload all those tasks I've been juggling on trays in my brain like an overworked restaurant server, I can actually let my brain "breathe" and creativity ensues. I also included a recent monthly meal plan for December 2021. Planning meals one month at a time has GREATLY reduced my overwhelm. I linked the way I actually meal plan down below. Once we have emptied our minds via the brain dump, now we can face the actual overwhelm. Sometimes the overwhelm was just that, carrying too many tasks and to-dos around in our minds. The mental overload of life in 2022. Sometimes it's emotional overwhelm. Grief. Sadness. Loneliness. Disappointment. Regret. Shame. Longing. Anger (which someone somewhere said that Anger is Fear Dressed Up and that resonates with me). Envy. Comparison. Greed. Sometimes it's physical overwhelm. Exhaustion. Physical pain. Illness. Injury. Anxiety or depression manifesting as physical symptoms (headaches, abdominal pain, joint or muscle aches). No matter what TYPE of overwhelm we are feeling, the spiral is the same. Sometimes sleep or a healthy meal can provide relief. Often silence and solitude are the answer for me. Just know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I am fighting the fight with you. Godspeed.
So there you have it! All my favorites from February 2022! I hope you find something you like or even just a reminder of something you need or would like to try out. That's why I post my favorites- they are fun and I like reading or watching other people's favorites. Feel free to leave comments below! I would love to hear from you! So here I am. 11:32 PM on a Friday night. Laundry is caught up. Dishes are done. I've been off work for 5 days for a knee surgery, and I'm wide awake. The house is fast asleep, but here I sit. Why is rest so difficult for me? I can't blame the pandemic, because this has been an issue for decades. I don't sit well. I don't laze well. I don't relax easily. I feel guilt when I am unproductive, and I'm not sure why that is. Oddly, I can usually relax on vacation. Sure, I bring a puzzle, books, journals, and planners to work on, but I can sprawl on a stranger's couch without hesitation. I can sleep late in a stranger's bed, and I can (sometimes) leave dishes in a stranger's sink. I love vacations where outings are limited and "doing nothing" and "not having a schedule" are the highlights. BUT I CANNOT SEEM TO DO THAT IN MY REAL LIFE AT HOME. Not a single person on planet Earth outside of my household would know if I had been a complete lump the past 5 days, but I would know. Am I judging myself? What is this all about? Busy-ness is a disease for sure. I am the first one to ask my patients if they are practicing any self-care or getting enough sleep. And I do practice some self-care and I really do want to be asleep right now. But my breathing is shallow. My pulse is approaching 90 and I'm seated. My mind feels scattered and my heart feels heavy. Yes, there are several things (and people) on my mind. There are unfinished projects floating around in my brain, and there are conversations I need to have. Writing is usually the best way to get all the "yuk" and "to-do's" off my mind, so I'm hovered over this laptop waiting for peace. Now I sit here, with this truth I long for the exhaustion that comes with youth For with each decade comes more woes My jaw won't relax My eyes won't close Perhaps I will run and jump and ride And dance in the kitchen and sit outside Can wind and sun and trees and breeze Steal my worries, my need to please? I see my children doze off with smiles Such hope and joy imaginations wild Come on, sweet girl it's still in you The hunt for knowledge, the quest for new Lay that body down dear girl, don't fight it anymore Put those thoughts to rest dear girl, stop that mental tug of war You are enough You've done enough My love is enough Today was enough This goes out to anyone anywhere who has watched the clock, felt the shallow breathing, or had feelings of guilt associated with REST. You are not alone.
Godspeed. My son had a rough baseball practice. His pitching was off. He missed some routine grounders, and a few of his throws to first were off target. He struck out once and that hardly ever happens. On the drive home he was giving me all the reasons he had an off day on the field, and I listened quietly until he finished. Once we pulled into the driveway and exited the car, I sat him down on the golf cart. I said Son, if I hurt a patient because of an error I made, do you think the judge or the patient’s family is going to want to hear that?
He glared back at me. Or will the judge and patient’s family ask me about how I prepared for my work as a nurse practitioner?
Was I involved in practices that put my patients in danger?
I explained to my young pitcher that baseball (and life) is like my job in many ways. If he makes an error during practice or a game, his coach does not want to hear any “excuses.” Instead, the coach will hold him accountable. The coach may ask what he has done to prepare for his game or practice.
He seemed to understand the concepts after that explanation, but I wanted to take the conversation one step further. I wanted him to have a concrete example of how HARD WORK can truly PAY OFF. Son, do you know how mommy has her blog? Yeah, and you have a lot of people who read it. That’s right. But do you think I would have as many readers if I never wrote and put new posts up? Did you know Mommy has written over 80 posts in 7 months? Mommy “sits her rear in the chair” and writes even when she is tired or has other things to do, because SHE LOVES IT, and she is passionate about it. She even works her full-time job and still gets in that chair to write FOR FREE! That’s how much she both loves it AND wants it to succeed. Is anybody making mommy “practice” or “put the reps in” for her blog? No. Mommy is disciplined. She knows that her hard work will lead to good things. She believes in herself, and she knows that her work ethic and preparedness shall not be questioned. Instead of using some star athlete or famous musician, I used MYSELF. The same person that cooks his meals and folds his clothes. The person he cuddles on the couch with and tells all his secrets. He SEES me chasing my dreams. That really got him pumped up and ready to face the challenge of this upcoming baseball season. Now what does any of this have to do with you? It might be early in the morning when you are reading this. You may be getting ready for a regular workday, or you may be on your lunch break. You may be near pass-out status on the couch, or you may be killing time in a lobby somewhere.
I want to ask you 2 questions:
No judgment. I was 45 before I even started chasing my ACTUAL dreams. And excuses? I’m full of them! I beg you to pause after reading this. Take some deep breaths in, and exhale slowly. Close your eyes and imagine yourself doing what you have always DREAMED you could do. Instead of listing all the reasons why you can’t do it (reasons, excuses, you decide) … think of ONE STEP you could take towards your dream. For me it was pushing “publish” for the first time in July 2021. And then pushing it again and again and again and again, even if my work wasn’t perfect. Even when I wasn’t feeling inspired. I sat down, I started typing, and I made it work. Picture yourself taking that risk. Godspeed. PS I would love to hear from you! What are your dreams? My quick money story. Everybody has one, right? Some people are born into money, some are not. Some people make a fantastic income and still struggle to pay their bills. Others make an average income and live comfortably within their means. Not many people talk about money. It's a secret. It now comes and goes in several icons on our devilish palm-sized devices (see my love hate relationship with my phone here). Anyway, my money story goes something like this: - average childhood, that's my parents' story to tell, but I never really felt STRESSED about money as a child and I was taught some good sound financial principles (thanks Mom & Dad) -got into > 40k in debt in my 20's by living above my means, keeping up with the Joneses and making poor financial decisions -spent 4 years of my 30's GETTING OUT OF DEBT which looked like paying $1000 /month towards old credit card debt FOR FOUR YEARS STRAIGHT (ouch!) -now I am in my 40's and focused on saving for retirement, paying our house off, and avoiding unnecessary debts I say all of that to say: I am not certified in anything financial. I have read some books and followed some financial influencers over the years, and I am very entrenched in our family's finances. I am also learning from my retired parents about what it will actually look like to live on a retirement income. I am familiar with Medicare, pensions, social security benefits, Roth IRAs, and 401k/403b plans. I am not a day trader or financial wizard. I'm somewhere in the middle, and I think that is probably where most of my readers are too. I have had to have very frank discussions about money with patients over the years (financial stress can GREATLY affect one's health and cause caregiver strain with children of elderly patients). So I decided to write about it. Part of my passion for writing is speaking the truth and shedding light on everything that is making us all stressed and uncomfortable. Now that you know my purpose for this piece, are you ready??? Let's do this! My 10 smart money tips for anyone, anywhere:
Let's go through each Money Tip in more detail so that we have a better understanding of them.
PRO TIP: The pictures below are just an example of using my banking app to monitor my spending. You can see the pie chart is for ALL of my 2021 spending. Since I don't have a car payment, I divided my auto expenses by 12. That came to around $392. Since I know car insurance makes up around $200 of the $392, I calculated that I am spending around $172 / month on gas. This is just an easy example of using your banking app to see what you are ACTUALLY spending on categories in your budget. What you think you spend and what you actually spend are often 2 very different amounts. So do your research! It costs you nothing to look at your spending and it will give you so much insight to your financial health! I did not write this post to provoke guilt or shame about your spending or finances. I have had 40k+ in debt and I have felt that overwhelming burden. It's just part of my story, and I am no longer ashamed of it.
I didn't know it was going to happen. He was four and grinning and hit a whopper to the grassy outfield off the tee. The crowd cheered, we took pictures, and we loaded up with Paw Patrol on the van DVD player. I didn't know he was going to ask to play every season. I didn't know he was going to grip a baseball expertly in his hand and deliver it with such speed and accuracy off the mound past the anxious batters from the other team. I didn't know I would be washing uniforms at 10 pm just to put them on him again at 6 am the next day. I never knew I would love the crisp air, smell of grass and burgers, muddy cleats, and sweaty jerseys like I do. I never knew my heart could swell and shatter all within one inning. I didn't know it was going to happen. But it did. Here are 15 things I wish I had known as a first-time baseball mom:
I think we should dig into each one of these for further understanding:
I hope you found this post helpful. I remember being a first-time baseball mom and I had so many questions and not many answers. I never really thought to look online for those answers, but I have reached out to my veteran softball and baseball mom friends for advice and tips over the years. Baseball really is a culture, a family, a lifestyle in many ways. Your child will learn invaluable life lessons both on and off the field. Hopefully, you will too. ⚾️ Godspeed. Okay, this post might get a little confusing so bear with me. I would call it a fable, but fables involve animals or forces of nature according to Wikipedia. I would call it a parable, but I am not Jesus. So it's just a story. A True Story. As I was cooking tonight, I was actually following a recipe - which is something I very rarely do. Wouldn’t you know it? I totally screwed the recipe up. I had scrolled the internet late last night before the midnight cutoff for my click list and somehow combined two different chicken casserole recipes into one in my tired mom brain. Since I do cook on a regular basis, I tried to assemble the casserole from memory. That was where things went wrong. Long story short, the casserole was delicious and my family asked me to write it down so we can have it again. Then my writer brain kicked in, and I started to think of my friends who loathe cooking and would rather swallow nails than be stuck in a kitchen near a stove. I have always wondered if these friends (male or female) grew up in a house where meals were cooked on a regular basis. I have an inside scoop on meals in a wide variety of households because I am the primary care provider for around 2000 patients. I have families who eat out three meals per day seven days per week. How they afford a roof over their head, gas in their car, or clothes on their body is beyond me LOL. The folks in my house like to eat. Since I analyze everything, after this chicken casserole disaster-turned-deliciousness, I started to think about the non-cooks that I know.
Anyway, aside from all that, I started to think about the actual skills I have acquired from cooking on a regular basis. I rarely have to measure things unless it’s a new recipe. I really don’t even look at recipes. I’ve always been able to just make something up and it works. But I do give credit to my parents who always cooked and included me in the cooking. As a latchkey kid in the 1980s and 1990s, mom would leave directions for supper on an index card by the stove.
This helped me learn what side dishes pair with which main courses and how to time meals so that everything was ready at one time. If you hate to cook you’ve probably stopped reading by now, but bear with me- I do have a point. If you like to cook, I’m sure you’re reminiscing about your early cooking endeavors as a teen or early 20s and remembering the disasters and burned meals. We have all had them. Now back to my point. I think cooking is a lot like parenting. Some people have cooks in their homes and learn how to cook because they are included in the cooking and it comes naturally to them. Likewise, some children have really good parents in their homes and learn how to parent because they see good parenting every day. When they become parents, they are able to mirror a lot of what they saw as children. What about all the little girls and little boys that don’t see good parenting? Do they grow up to hate being a parent? Is parenting more difficult for them? Some of my non-cooking friends have told me that cooking is difficult for them. Are there any parallels? I am not saying good parents cook. Being a good parent has absolutely nothing to do with cooking. I am just wondering if my patients that seem to be checked out on parenting had poor examples of parents from which to learn. I know, I know. Deep, random thoughts on a rainy Sunday night. But I think of the little girls and the little boys who are now big girls and big boys. I see them struggling because they come to me. They open up about their struggles. And I feel them. I see their efforts and witness their frustrations. Most of them are really trying, but they feel defeated from the jump. I am not going to get overly cheesy here about a cookbook or a parenting book. Life is much harder than anything you could ever read in either of those books. I just want you to know that some of us got a “recipe” given to us while others did not. Some of us received love, attention, and praise while others did not. Let us be kind to one another and forgo the judgment. “Food” comes from many places. Let us feed each other well. ☀️ Godspeed.
When I sat down to do my YEARLY REVIEW at the end of 2021, I was literally drained. I was exhausted: mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I could barely even form a sentence in my head. As I started PLANNING MY YEAR AHEAD as I usually do each holiday season, I started to see just how many things were already on my calendar. I am not sure if I felt disbelief, disgust, or disenchantment. "That will be cancelled. That won't happen. I doubt we actually do that." After two years of cancelled, postponed, and rescheduled plans, I almost reached for a pencil instead of a pen. I am eternally optimistic, but I am TIRED. You know those days where you sit down in the evening and you feel like you've been to DisneyWorld with 2 toddlers and 2 strollers and a newborn? Those days where you are driving home from a busy day in family practice and you aren't even exactly sure what your own name is (much less a disease or dosage of medication)? I feel like we've all had TWO YEARS of those days. So I decided to just boycott goals altogether for 2022. I wasn't going to make goal(s) for Health, Finance, Education, Personal Growth, Career, Family, Marriage, Spirituality, Home, etc like I usually do every year. The thought of doing that after I wrote my GOAL SETTING post was just as insurmountable as climbing Mount Everest (for this girl who already battles a chronic lung disease). Choosing a word for the year? Meh. And usually I am ALL OVER THAT!. But the only words that have come to mind lately (that don't include mild profanity) are flexibility, change, resiliency, and stamina. And I realize all of those words are entrenched in what I have LEARNED FROM THIS PANDEMIC as a frontline family NP. So I haven't chosen a word just yet. And I'm not sure that I will choose one for 2022.
And what I'm finding is that wearing ACTUAL CLOTHES (no scrubs, no standard mom "leggings and a tee" uniform) makes me feel better. It makes me feel better about myself, my life, my marriage, my work, and my day. I never thought I would be typing this, but it's TRUE. I choose healthier foods and move more when my pants have a zipper and a button. 👖 I try to have healthier emotional reactions when I don't look like I just rolled out of bed. 🧘♀️ I am reminded of my passion for medicine when I am dressed the professional part. 👩⚕️ I am even nicer to my husband when I like my reflection in the mirror. 👩❤️👨 I feel better about spending all the money I have spent on clothes now that I am actually wearing them. 😜 So there you have it. I set one goal for 2022. It is simple and it used to be automatic. What happened to the girl who loved shoes and purses and dressing up? Where did she go? Who and what took her from me? I feel her trying to emerge again. She is ready for this new year. She has no idea what's going to happen and no control over any of it. But she is showing up. And she looks and feels AMAZING. 👗 *** most of the time
*** except on Mondays *** or on days when her kids are off the chain *** but she is trying ☀️ So 2021 came. It didn't conquer. Or did it? It was a blur for me both personally and professionally. I am looking forward to 2022, and what better way to kick off the new year than with FAVORITES!?!? Favorites are alway fun and they are never right or wrong. They are subject to opinion and they require zero effort to consume. So sit back, relax, and scroll along ?
Here are my January 2022 Favorites:
The Organize 365 Podcast:
Lisa Woodruff is the owner and founder of Organize 365, a company that helps women get their homes and papers organized for good. She created a Sunday Basket, 100 Day Home Organization Program, and binders for finance, medical, a child with special needs, your home, you name it. I plan to dedicate an entire blog post to her programs, but if any of this interests you at all, I have linked her website below. I am a Certified Paper Organizer and Sunday Basket Organizer with Organize 365, and I can 100% vouch for her systems! Her podcast can be found anywhere you listen to podcasts. ? The Morning Show on Apple TV: First of all, the actors: Reese Witherspoon, Jennifer Anniston, Steve Carell, Billy Crudup, Marcia Gay Harden- just to name a few. The topics are timely (pandemic, Me Too movement) and show all sides of the issues. The show is definitely inappropriate for children, so you'll have to watch this once the kids are in bed, but I have not been able to stop mid-episode. I often had to force myself to stop and get in the bed! I love the realistic view of "power" and how we really are all the same regardless of the money, fame, and title. We all crave love and connection. HappilyAHousewife on YouTube: This year marks 10 years that Samantha (Sam) has been vlogging on YouTube. She has 3 kids similar in age to mine. She started as a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom) and is now back in the workforce. She is a baseball mama, likes to cook, likes to plan, and is VERY down-to-earth. When I "quit" work in 2014 and slowed down to just 2 days a week, I had no idea how to be a "housewife." Since I like to research, I typed "how to be a housewife" into Google and Sam popped up! I don't always have time to watch every video, but if I ever want a recipe or planning idea or I just need to know I'm not alone in this mom life, she always cheers me up. She is very REAL, and that's what I love the most! I have linked her channel below. Side note: I "went back to work" full-time in 2016 when my youngest started pre-K. I loved that 2 years when I worked part-time when they were 2-4. Let me know if you'd like an entire post about working versus staying home. ❤️ My leggings from Amazon: Soft, not too loose or too tight, phone pocket, high waist / don't fold over or slide down, wash well. 3 pair under $40! Several color choices. Need I say more?
The Marco Polo App:
I may do an entire post on the free version of Marco Polo versus the paid one, but get the free one TODAY! It's like text in the fact that you watch the video when you have time and respond when you have time. What I love is that your facial expressions, tone of voice, and appearance (weird but true) all come through. So if you're having a rough day emotionally, your friends and family can SEE that compared to a text that looks the same whether you are high on life or down in the trenches. You can also rewatch or pause a "marco" if you need clarity or get interrupted. I LOVE this app and I cannot say enough good things about it! It has revolutionized communication for me since I can safely marco on my commute (phone on dash) and between patients. With a spouse working opposite shifts, it has been HUGE for our marriage. It has even helped with my brother and sister-in-law living in China on a 13-hour time difference! My quiet time in the morning: Coffee, blanket, my chair, my heating pad, and QUIET. I journal, I pray, I follow my friend's scripture writing plan (linked below), I type these blog posts to you, I plan, I think, I listen to a book or podcast or YouTube video, I research, and I am uninterrupted. Am I an 80-year-old living in a 45-year-old's body? Maybe. With my autoimmune disease, some days I feel that way ?, but I cherish this time alone. It is mine, and there is something to be said for that. My new straightener: This was a Christmas 2021 gift, and I love it! I have just enough curl to be annoying, so I straighten my hair 90% of the time. If you follow me on Instagram, you probably saw my story showing that it lasted through errands on a rainy day and a full day of housework! I also have a post on IG about my "curly" hair that is worth a read... you know - how we all try to change what God gave us. ☀️ The Four Winds by Kristin Hannah: I hate having a movie or book ending spoiled by a friend, so I will just say this book is GREAT. I love historical dramas (this one is set during the Dust Bowl extreme draught in the 1930s) and the characters are lovely, raw, and transparent. I don't want to say too much, but read the summary if this peaks your interest at all. The narrator is Julia Whelan and she is amazing. I'm sure the paper copy is just as good or better. Homemade Chex Mix courtesy of my husband: No explanation needed! Salty & delicious. Thank God he only makes it at the holidays. Honing the new skill of asking for what I need: My therapist told me a secret. My husband, my friends, my coworkers, and my family cannot read my mind. I had never really though about that. Sometimes as adults, we assume all other adults know "what to do" or "what we need." They do not. If we calmly and safely ask for what we need and our people cannot or choose not to meet those needs, then that is another issue. It is not fair, however, to stay hurt or angry at a loved one if we never made our needs known. This blew my mind. So simple. So true. SUCH a game-changer. Sit on it and see if it speaks to you. *** If I have linked any products from Amazon, I am an Amazon affiliate. If you choose to purchase via my link, I will receive a small commission but your cost will be the same. I can use that commission to buy more reading glasses so I can see my laptop to keep blogging. ✍️*** What does it take to run a household or a life? Why are there so many memes and jokes about "adulting?" Aren't there things we all do every week or are we just wandering through life constantly trying to remember what it is we were supposed to do? It's taken me years and tears, but I finally developed a few systems to decrease my overwhelm. Here is my own personal list of weekly tasks. I don't do these every week, BUT having a list gives me somewhere to start.
I love a good checklist. Give me a task and I will try to complete it. That said, the list above has some nuances and caveats that are worth mentioning to a novice attempting to "get my life together." I did not make that list overnight, AND some of the steps may or may not apply to you. So let's dig deeper!
I know that was a lot of words to describe what sounds like it would be a simple process. It's not simple though, is it? If it were simple, we would all be doing it and no bill would ever be late, no appointment would ever be missed, and no child would ever go to school without their $5 field trip money that was due yesterday. And so I wrote it all down. I still miss things. I don't do this every week, because LIFE. Perfect is a cruel joke and not that fun anyway. So just do what you can and maybe at least one of these tips will bring you a little peace and a little more free time in the end to do what you were called to do. ☀️ I posted this on Instagram in December 2018, so this shows I have been using a weekly review process for years. I like to follow authentic people and my readers might feel the same way. ☀️ Also, in my experience, I can't write or talk about what I don't know about. My 9-year-old though? He can tell the tallest tale you've ever heard! 😜 After I complete my yearly review, I try to set goals for the next year. I also look at my list of what added and what subtracted to my life and I keep all of those in mind as I set goals and plan events. To do this, I have several supplies at my fingertips AND several hours (sometimes spread over a few days) to complete this process. I recommend the following supplies:
Goal Setting 101:
I have 8 areas in which I set goals each year:
Here's an example of a SMART goal: Read 10 books in one year. It is Specific. Measurable. Achievable (I allow 2 months without a book at all). Relevant and realistic (education or entertainment is always good!). Time bound. I have a start and an end date. I can also easily track the goal throughout the year (I keep a "books read" in the back of my planner). Selecting your word of the year. This is optional, but I enjoy the process each year and it does help me try to maintain a central theme or focus each year. Some of my previous years' words have been:
Now the hard part. Actually planning out your year and setting goals for the year. These two steps are intertwined and can truly be life-changing if you take the time to do BOTH. If perhaps you are reading this in March or August or on a random Tuesday in November, that's OKAY. Your "year" can start at any time. You may be home with a new baby or off work for a health flare-up or surgery and you're just now having time to even remember your name. Sometimes these unexpected pockets in time are goldmines. Use this downtime to evaluate and future-plan. As I've hit this midlife bubble of feeling young and old all at the same time, my goals have changed. My expectations are lower for myself and others (thank you, therapy). My drive is more internally-based but is now redeemed by others just as much as it is myself. In short, my years of people-pleasing are behind me, BUT following my true self has led to a more community-focused and family-focused mindset. The cool part is that me, myself, and I benefit from that mindset shift as much or more than my loved ones and my community. Kinda hard to explain, but the moral of the story is to follow your heart. Everyone wins when we do that. Godspeed. Part of the reason I keep a planner is because my memory is terrible. Just ask my best friend since third grade. I blame it on nursing and NP school and having to memorize so many drugs and diseases. I also blame it on having lived in four states and meeting several "sets of people" in my lifetime. Anyway, when I sit down to start my year end review, I grab my planner. I repress memories which I am working on in therapy, but I really can’t remember what happened the past year without flipping through each month and glancing at big moments. I am not exactly sure why my brain is like that, but it is and yours may be too? Sometimes my mind is blown when I look at everything that happened in my personal or professional or emotional life in one calendar year. How do we survive with the pace and the demands of the world today? When is enough enough? Everyone I know feels like they’re drowning with all the work deadlines, projects, meetings, kids' activities, sports, and that's not even accounting for the emotional toll the past 2 years have taken on every single one of us. When I look back over 2021 in my own life, the following events come to light:
As I look back over the events of 2021, it often sparks me to plan and reserve trips or experiences for 2022. My manager also loves that I give her my days off for the entire year in December or January. I realize you might not be able to do this, but it actually reduces my anxiety knowing in January when I will be off throughout the year. If I am having an extremely stressful season / week / month, I already know the upcoming days of rest that are scheduled. My patients appreciate it too... less moving and rearranging (sorry for those reading this- 2021 was rough on my schedule!). 🤪 Sitting down and performing a yearly review also gives me reassurance or reminders of certain events I do NOT want to attend or participate in again. It helps me to identify what was life-giving and what was life-draining. That clarity is HUGE. You'll notice I did not list the following (but they all also happened): hurt feelings, miscommunication, personal growth, continued grief, strained conversations, burnout, apathy, frustration, disdain, regret, fear, hopelessness, anger, and anxiety. While I am not listing those publicly, they are named on my heart and mind. Thanks to counseling, I am trying not to wear them inside my body (The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk, MD). I am intentionally working to process and let go as I go instead of swallowing or shoving it down, or worse- spewing it out. This is hard work. This is a big deal. So I encourage you as we wrap up 2021 and enter 2022, to sit down and block off a good 30 minutes to yourself. Scroll through your planner or your Google Calendar or your Facebook pictures and think about the past 12 months. What felt good? What felt icky? Who gave you energy when you were around them? Who made you feel bad about yourself? What habits added to your life? What subtracted? Look at your screen time averages on your phone. Maybe set a goal to lower those. A fellow blogger in my writer's group wrote a piece about our children remembering us looking at our phones instead of looking at their faces. LET THAT SINK IN FOR A MINUTE. I may write a piece about goal-setting and planning for the year ahead, but I would be a sham if I told you I set any goals for 2021. I didn't even know I would start writing this year. This nudge just got so big in July that I just started (oh yeah, I forgot our trip to Birmingham this summer). I was in a hotel room in Birmingham with keyed-up pre-teens, a snoring husband (love you babe), and a laptop staring at me. I had to process all this STUFF and it just started. So just start. Even if you only take the next 2-5 minutes to reflect on 2021. I beg of you to do it. So many of us are just sleepwalking through life. Work. Supper. Kids. TV. Bed. Repeat. Weekend. And repeat again. Let us all try some self-evaluation, life-evaluation, emotional-evaluation. What is life-giving and what is life-draining? What brings you joy? The only person keeping me from writing was ME. What will YOU allow yourself to do in 2022? Godspeed. I have been waking up before 5 AM consistently for 11 years. It started with necessity, nursing my child before work, but it continued for several reasons. When my firstborn was an infant, my stepson was eight. This meant I had to be stealthfully quiet as I woke the baby, fed him, spent some time with him, and then passed him to his daddy while I showered and dressed for work. It was a time before AirPods, and before I had discovered podcasts or Audible. Facebook was barely a thing. And phones in general were just not attached to everyone’s hands like they are today. It was in these near silent moments without technology, with only a cuddly warm baby in my lap, that I discovered the true meaning of quiet contentment. Just me, rocking my baby boy guided only by the white noise sound machine and gentle soft lighting. I wasn’t scrolling. I wasn’t comparing. I wasn’t wishing, nor was I regretting. There was no self-loathing. My job had not even adopted an electronic medical record yet, so working from home was not possible. I wasn’t paying bills from a little icon on my phone. I didn’t have 400 emails in my inbox, or at least I didn’t know that I had them. Just quiet. Just peaceful. Just two humans bound by DNA and love and touch and time. Fast forward to 2021 and that baby is in sixth grade. My stepson has left the nest and is thriving, and my youngest son is in fourth grade. My alarm still goes off at 4:30 AM, but I am alone. Yes, the house is still quiet like it was back then. The lights are still low. But things have changed. There is a technological miracle that fits in the palm of my hand now. It is full of red dots that quicken my pulse. There is a slick, silver, almost paper-thin computer that is full of lab results and refill requests and exam notes to finish. Now I know that I have 400 emails in my inbox. There are all these little icons in my hand that tell me I’m not good enough when I open them. There are ads everywhere that seem to call my digital wallet’s name. What happened to those early morning quiet moments? My eyes fill with tears as I type this. Yes, most mornings I participate in healthy self care such as prayer, Journaling, or mindfulness... but let’s be honest. If I choose to pick up this Fair-weather friend that follows me everywhere, I disappear. Those quiet peaceful moments disappear. I am not touching anyone. I am not gazing at someone I love and enjoying that feeling of togetherness and connection. This quiet house? Well it’s telling me it needs to be dusted and decorated. Those sleeping children? They need agendas signed and class party treats sent in and uniforms washed and clarinet reeds ordered. My husband may or may not be at work, but if he is did I reach out to him? And if he’s home, did I reach out to him? Oh wait- there goes my timer. Time to hop in the shower, put the bacon in the oven, get those boys up and moving. There goes my heart rate rising with each deadline and inbox item that crosses my mind. Oh, yes, I’m productive. I’m organized. Just ask all my friends and family. But is that the legacy I want to leave? ‘ She is so efficient. She can get it all done. Tears in my eyes again, geez. I would rather be known as Amy that helped me. Amy that loved me. Amy that made me feel important. Amy that I could count on. But most of all, Amy that I knew inside and out- between the lines and in the trenches. You see, getting it all done can be quite lonely. Have I been so busy getting it all done that I forgot to connect? Constantly looking at this lit up master that fits in my hand honestly makes me feel like crap. Yes- there are laughs and good reads hopefully like this one. There’s my longtime friend’s child or grandchild. The books and music and podcasts usually add instead of subtract. But all those red dots? I hate them. They steal little tiny pieces of me and I can’t really explain it. My children won’t know a world without the red dots, and that makes me sad. So here I am, on a rainy Wednesday morning, now voice-texting into this devilish device to create this message. I think it is a message for myself more than anything. Gosh these stupid tears. What is going on? I need to rewind. I need to go back. Back to the quiet simple peaceful mornings. I need to let go. I need to reach out even more than I need to let go. Who is with me? A fantastic human I call my friend gifted me with this poem this week. She didn't write it, but she knew I needed it. And now, I gift it to you. ☀️ safire-rose.com/books-and-media/poetry/she-let-go For working adults, the holidays can be a time of stress or lightheartedness. A time of fun or overwhelm. For many of us, holidays are a mixture of all 4 emotions. Since healthcare is the only field I have ever worked in, I do not have a huge frame of reference for employee appreciation during the holidays. I have not seen what corporate America or the education fields do to raise morale. I do know my teacher friends tell me "education goes out the window" those last few days or weeks of school since all of the children are mentally riding the Polar Express to Christmas Break. In healthcare, door decorating or nurses' station decorating contests are quite common and can add some cheer to our days of patient care, refills, and charting deadlines. Patients and staff seem to enjoy the whimsy of the holidays. Honestly, I wish we could decorate year-round just to keep things fresh! How does your employer boost morale for the holidays? Are staff members invited to join in certain festivities? Do employees receive a gift card or cash bonus? Does someone host a holiday party? Christmas carols? Is there a community service event your employer gets behind during the holidays? What about a local Christmas parade? Does your employer sponsor and decorate a float? Do you have to work the holidays? What has made you feel valued and appreciated by your employer during the holidays? Has administration ever asked you? I would love to continue the conversation in the comment section below, or you can always follow me on TikTok, Instagram, or Facebook. I love interacting with my readers! How on earth is it already time for 2022? Where did 2021 go? I'm not sure, BUT, I am ready for 2022. 2021 was messy and ugly in many ways. On a personal level, it was unkind to my health. I received a new diagnosis of psoriasis in March and had to miss an entire month of work while my body was adjusting to new medications and my skin was trying to heal. October revealed an unexpected opportunistic infection (since I'm immunocompromised) that required strong antibiotics and made me feel pretty lousy. Since November 1, I have been hobbling around on painful swollen knees and am facing unexpected knee surgery. Pity party? Nah, not my style. Swallowing it all? That's my go-to. When I think about my health and how unfair it is that I've tried to take care of my body my whole life and I'm still getting the short end of the health stick, I can get pretty low. Then I think of all my patients who have it "worse." And I swallow it. I shove it down. I brush it off. But is that healthy? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. So I'm learning to acknowledge my own feelings. I'm sad that my body is not behaving. I'm angry in some ways. I'm frustrated for sure. I'm still thankful that I can work for right now. I am beyond grateful for my parents who live 2 doors down and help me daily. I'm tired. I'm realizing I have X amount of energy each day and my family needs the bulk of it. If my job takes most of it then I'm robbing my family of my best self. Filing for disability has been on my mind more in the past 9 months than it ever has during this 5 year sarcoidosis journey. So what next? New year, new adventures, new planner, new goals, new.... what else is new now that I'm 45? I have a lot of old. Old hurts. Old unmet needs. Old furniture. Old clothes. Old shame. Old junk in my kitchen drawers. Old relationship issues that deserve a conversation. An old van that has chipping paint but it's paid for and gets us to ball tournaments. I think the reflex for all of us is to replace the old with the new and that will make it all better. New clothes. The newest kitchen gadget. New furniture or decor, ON TREND, my dear! A shiny new SUV that costs more than most people's annual salary and gets 12 mpg. But boy does it look good and that's what counts, right? I'm no longer trying to replace the old just by reflex. It's harder to keep it and try to keep it running. Purging the clothes and kids' toys is definitely good, but when we throw out things that still work but aren't "good enough" for whatever standards, what does that say about us? Who and what have you thrown away and replaced with newer and easier? (ouch)... I'm falling apart health-wise in a lot of ways, but I "still work." Will my family or employer throw me out? Will my friends forget about me if I'm not as active and fun as I used to be? Where does that leave me? As an Enneagram 3 (Performer, Success Driven), I've been gut-punched this year by my body's betrayal. But God must be telling me something. I know He has a plan. I have to trust and slow down and just be. NOT. MY. STRONG. SUIT. Perhaps 2021 leaves you feeling like I do. Maybe you lost someone you loved. Maybe you were also betrayed by either your body or someone you trusted. Maybe you felt out of control all year like I did? Maybe you spent too many hours googling vaccines and viruses and death tolls like most of the world. Maybe you feel all the "junk" you've shoved down and swallowed for however long starting to surface and want to be named and noticed. I feel that with you. 2022 can be a renewal for us, my friends. I'm going to intentionally name what's working, what's not working, what is worth repair, and what really needs to be purged from my life. This goes for relationships, time spent, health choices, what I consume digitally and physically, items in my home and closet, and my thought life. I'm going to check myself when I just want to replace the old for that quick dopamine hit. I'm going to try to sit in the uncomfortable and define what's causing it. I can't keep running 90 mph. 2022 is for slowing down. It is for evaluation. It is for growing up, finally. Godspeed. Motherhood. It sounds official, important, and majestic. And IT IS. BUT - motherhood - being a MOTHER - is a constant, daily, exhausting, never-ending, rollercoaster of a job that has zero degrees or certifications as preparation and the measuring stick seems to move daily. Who is measuring? My boys? The world? My husband? Social media? The boys' future therapists? ME? Let all that soak in for a few moments and then we will dig into this crazy ride called motherhood. Being a mother is definitely my greatest JOY in life. I have wanted to be a mom since I was a very young girl setting up mock classrooms in my garage for neighborhood children (#truestory) and naming my children in big bubble letters in my third-grade spiral notebook. I babysat my entire neighborhood it seemed, and I was going to be a mom as soon as I got married and worked 2 years as a nurse. I would be 24 and my life would be perfect. Then life happened. For lots of reasons, and over many years, I thought motherhood was not in the cards for me. I was devastated. I wasn't sure what life would be without ME being a mom. I was destined to be a mother, right? That was the PLAN. I live by and stick to the PLAN. Fast-forward to age 34 and my first baby boy was born screaming, dreaming, and wild, and he hasn't stopped any of those yet! His 8 year old brother was waiting on him in the waiting room bursting with excitement. 2 years later, God gave me the sweetest, big-hearted, most mellow fellow in the universe and God's plans for me and my motherhood journey were complete. All those nights I looked to the starlit heavens with tears in my eyes wondering when it would be my turn ended. All those Happy Mother's Day cards and texts I sent out with awkward responses like "um, thank you- hope you have a good day too" were over. Some women may say motherhood doesn't define them or isn't their purpose. I do love other things. I enjoy hobbies and my career and a good live band or a breeze on a boat. I will sit on any cabin deck in the mountains and drink any cup of coffee if it's made right. But being a mother is and will always be my MOST IMPORTANT JOB. And every time I look at my green-eyed boy with the world's longest eyelashes acting on stage, or admire the kind, responsible young man my step-son has become, or listen to my big-blue-eyed baby boy tell me how he wants to help someone in need, the world drifts away. Nothing else matters. If I had never made a proper diagnosis, helped someone who was in pain, or received any trophy, plaque, or ribbon for my efforts, I would be just fine. My real work is being done every single day and will continue until I leave this Earth. Those 3 boys are my purpose in life. Thank you, Jesus, for answering my prayers in Your way on Your time. HERE ARE 14 LESSONS I LEARNED IN MY FIRST DECADE OF MOTHERHOOD. I'M NOW IN MY SECOND DECADE, BUT I'VE HAD MOST OF THESE DOWN FOR A LITTLE WHILE NOW.
I think each of these lessons deserves a little more detail. I really had no trouble thinking of these, since they have honestly been LESSONS LEARNED. These are all things I literally did not know until I knew. And what you don't know, well... it's just better that you know these. 🤷♀️
My own mother told me many years ago that motherhood would be both the hardest and the MOST IMPORTANT job I would ever have. She has never been a step-mother. She has never been through a divorce and tried to navigate a second marriage with a man who was also navigating a second marriage. She has what some might call a wonderful, life-long, high-school-sweetheart partnership that is still going strong over 50 years later. She had 2 smart kids who were active in sports and music and for the most part well-behaved. She wasn't working as a nurse practitioner bringing work home every night, and she wasn't commuting over 8 hours every week. And she still said it was the hardest. And the most important. Odds are that I don't know you. I don't know how many people live in your house or what kind of childhood you had. I don't know how many times you've been hurt or who exactly caused your pain. I don't know how demanding your job is or if you even work outside the home. I don't know if you struggled to get pregnant or if you have more children than you ever intended. Your family may be blended or straight out of Southern Living. It doesn't matter. If you're reading this, you are most likely a parent, probably a female, and if I were a betting woman, I would bet you are exhausted. You are overwhelmed. You are lonely. You are bored if we are being 100% honest. You are under-appreciated and overworked. And you wanted to know you're not alone. I declare from my Georgia basement with my ice-pack on my already-arthritic knee, you are NOT alone. I am with you. My own mama with her cookie cutter textbook family was with you and is still with you. This is hard work. And it's WORTH IT. I hope this article brought you some comfort, whimsy, new ideas, or peace. Just remember wherever you are, I am with you. I'm only halfway to 18 on my youngest, so we can hang out for quite a while yet. 🤪 Godspeed. Please help support my fellow hope*writers' work by reading their posts using the prompt word "fourteen"... :
The Most Wonderful Time of the Year: 14 Things I Love About the Holidays by Jessica Weaver www.rootedunrooted.com/blog/the-most-wonderful-time-of-the-year 14 Truths about Love by Sharla Hallett www.sharlahallett.com/14-truths-about-love/ Fourteen Adjectives to Cultivate in Kids by Jessica Haberman https://storytellerfarm.com/fourteen-adjectives-to-cultivate-in-kids/ 14 Parenting Tips to Raise Strong, Independent Kids by Ashley Olivine https://louvaria.com/14-parenting-tips/ Ah, the age old decision of which planner to buy and use for next year. Planner peeps, can't we all agree that Planner Peace is a unicorn in the world of washi, mildliners, and stickers??? Most of my planner friends have purchased and tried at least 5 planners, maybe 10, before finding 1-3 that even come close to meeting their needs. Let's face it, planner people like perfection and in the planning world, there just isn't ONE product that can meet all of our needs. So... we keep trying things out and find our groove eventually. If you are a beginner planner, I encourage you to watch some YouTube videos, scroll IG or Pinterest, or check out a planning group on Facebook for ideas before you buy ALL the planner goodies and are unhappy. Some quality planners are >$50, so try (at least in your head) before you buy if you can! Using a horizontal layout: Pros:
Using a vertical layout: Pros:
Random pics:
The most important step to beginning a planning routine is like almost any other new habit in life, just BEGIN. Don't be scared to write in your pretty planner. You don't have to use stickers or colored pens or markers. You CAN use white out or a pencil or just scratch through things. It's not rocket science, but it is FUN in many ways. It does give a false sense of control 🤪, and it can give a sense of accomplishment to at least TRY to plan out our lives. I have a $10 off discount code for your first Erin Condren purchase on my Tools page. I've tried and tested almost every planning system out there, so feel free to post any planning questions below. You can also follow me on IG where I post some of my planning dalliances. 📚 Happy Planning! ☀️✍️📝 We all have basic human needs as individuals. Most of us would agree that we need food, sleep, and water and some agree we need love and friendship. I would venture to guess that beyond those basic needs, many people are sleep-walking through life without ever giving pause to what THEY or WE actually need from each other. Lots of therapy has helped me realize that other people in my life don't automatically KNOW what I need or expect from them. I must let them know what I need. I have also come to realize that no ONE person in my life could possibly fill or meet all of my needs. It is humanly impossible to meet all the needs of another human by oneself. It truly does take a village. Once we have identified our needs, we can start to look at the players on our team and realize who is filling which need in our life. Some fill multiple needs. Others fill one need or don't fill a need at all, but instead may be causing stress or toxicity. Perhaps "trimming the fat" is in order when it comes to our circle of loved ones. I have also learned that not all of us are CAPABLE or WILLING to meet certain needs of others, and that too can be a painful process of acceptance and growth. So, let's roll up our sleeves and look closely at the basic human needs of each person roaming around this earth. Let us make a list of the members of our circle and try to identify who fills which need(s). There are several reasons this is important:
This is real adulting. Grown up stuff. Hard stuff. Deep stuff. So get ready. photo credit: childhoodtraumarecovery.com Let us look at Maslow's hierarchy of needs from a current-day real-life perspective and add the context of relationships and connection to those needs:
I don't have many patients that walk into my office and tell me they have needs. Instead, they tell me they are sad. They are withdrawing from friends or family. They can't sleep. They don't feel good. The have mood swings or anger outbursts. They are no longer excited about life. Medication cannot "fix" some of these painful circumstances we are all facing in our lives. An SSRI (most commonly used class of anti-depressants) cannot make your spouse SEE you or try to meet your needs. It cannot heal decade-old wounds from your narcissistic mother. It cannot jump into your best friend's mind and tell her that she is hurting you with her words or actions. Nor can it walk into your adult child's house and announce that YOU are a person, too, and that you need love and respect. So many of these issues have been around so long in your life that you don't know where to begin to address them. I encourage you to seek counseling if and when you can. A good therapist really can change your life. In the meantime, write down YOUR needs. List what needs are being met and which are not being met. Jot down WHO is helping to meet those needs and make a mental note of who you really can count on in which needs department. Use your resources - your people - when you are in crisis. Learn to NOT go to the ones who have not or cannot meet certain needs so that you avoid further hurt and disappointment. And consider having a conversation with your loved one if the opportunity ever arises and the setting and timing are conducive to growth. We cannot read minds, and we are all flawed. This relationship and self-evaluation work isn't easy, but it is worth it. Godspeed. There are SO many ways to use a daily planner. Over the years, I have tried numerous daily planners: Planner Perfect Traveler's Notebook system, Passion Planner Daily, Erin Condren Daily Petite Planner, bullet journaling, Michael Hyatt's Full Focus Planner, and Emily Ley's Simplified Planner Daily. The 3 that I stuck with the longest are Planner Perfect, Passion Planner, and EC Daily Petite. I really enjoyed bullet journaling, but it seemed to take more time than I currently have available since everything is blank and undated. Planner Perfect is also blank and undated (other than the pre-printed week-at-a-glance and month-at-a-glance in each of her monthly journals), BUT if you receive her monthly subscription box, you'll get 3 coordinating washi tapes for the month and 4 coordinating sticker pages for the month which make it easy to set up your monthly book. I also find it calming and rhythmic to lay down washi and stickers every month in a freshly printed traveler's notebook that I know will change out of my beautiful, rich, fabulously-leather-smelling Coco TN each and every month. It really is like a fresh start and a new beginning each month. There is something to be said for that. ☀️ Ways to use a daily planner (what to write in it):
Using a daily planner may seem cumbersome, time-wasting, like overkill, or even pointless to some. At times, I agree. Other times, however, I feel like I'm in 4th grade again - unable to drive yet- unable to see my friends freely - and full of creative energy and thoughts that need to land somewhere. I have markers, pens, coloring pencils, stamps, washi tape, and a TV with streaming services or Audible with any book I want or a phone with YouTube and AirPods to fill my creative or avoidant needs.
Planning CAN be numbing, and that's okay. I know a 40-something woman decorating paper with stickers is a much healthier outlet than substance abuse or an eating disorder and I do not say that lightly. Addiction is real. Trauma is real. Numbing is real. Self-soothing is real. Finding healthy and safe ways to calm our nervous system can be both life-giving and life-saving. YOU may just like pens and paper. I encourage you to take your planning love for what it is and enjoy it. I never met a dual-tip marker I didn't like. 😜✍️📝🌻 I am the mother of THREE boys! Three boys who will all become young men with driver's licenses and whom will require car insurance. I predict they will be as busy as Husband and I were in high school between work and school activities, so I envision a used car lot in my driveway. Boys are EXPENSIVE to insure, and two of mine are only 20 months apart in age. That said, Mommy needed a gameplan for CARS (or trucks if you live in Georgia like we do). I knew that college savings needed to be different from a car fund, and I have always been a Dave Ramsey fan. I remembered Dave saying that he would match whatever his children saved for a vehicle, and I really liked that idea. I wasn't 100% sure what I was doing, but I wanted to have an account open to at least get started. I will lay out how I use the car fund system in our household. The boys have never known any differently than this, so it has worked well. If you are starting this with older children, there might be some mutiny and a learning curve at the beginning.
A few closing thoughts:
I hope you consider starting a car fund. You can even use these tips if you don't have children. Use them for yourself! All of us can benefit from these basic principles. Happy Saving and Godspeed. I started these accounts for my boys when Braden was a baby, Jake was 2, and Cameron was 10. This just shows I practice what I preach and it has worked well for our family. Best of luck as you save for your kiddos! Less Stress is Always Best!!!
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