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So here I am. 11:32 PM on a Friday night. Laundry is caught up. Dishes are done. I've been off work for 5 days for a knee surgery, and I'm wide awake. The house is fast asleep, but here I sit. Why is rest so difficult for me? I can't blame the pandemic, because this has been an issue for decades. I don't sit well. I don't laze well. I don't relax easily. I feel guilt when I am unproductive, and I'm not sure why that is. Oddly, I can usually relax on vacation. Sure, I bring a puzzle, books, journals, and planners to work on, but I can sprawl on a stranger's couch without hesitation. I can sleep late in a stranger's bed, and I can (sometimes) leave dishes in a stranger's sink. I love vacations where outings are limited and "doing nothing" and "not having a schedule" are the highlights. BUT I CANNOT SEEM TO DO THAT IN MY REAL LIFE AT HOME. Not a single person on planet Earth outside of my household would know if I had been a complete lump the past 5 days, but I would know. Am I judging myself? What is this all about? Busy-ness is a disease for sure. I am the first one to ask my patients if they are practicing any self-care or getting enough sleep. And I do practice some self-care and I really do want to be asleep right now. But my breathing is shallow. My pulse is approaching 90 and I'm seated. My mind feels scattered and my heart feels heavy. Yes, there are several things (and people) on my mind. There are unfinished projects floating around in my brain, and there are conversations I need to have. Writing is usually the best way to get all the "yuk" and "to-do's" off my mind, so I'm hovered over this laptop waiting for peace. Now I sit here, with this truth I long for the exhaustion that comes with youth For with each decade comes more woes My jaw won't relax My eyes won't close Perhaps I will run and jump and ride And dance in the kitchen and sit outside Can wind and sun and trees and breeze Steal my worries, my need to please? I see my children doze off with smiles Such hope and joy imaginations wild Come on, sweet girl it's still in you The hunt for knowledge, the quest for new Lay that body down dear girl, don't fight it anymore Put those thoughts to rest dear girl, stop that mental tug of war You are enough You've done enough My love is enough Today was enough This goes out to anyone anywhere who has watched the clock, felt the shallow breathing, or had feelings of guilt associated with REST. You are not alone.
Godspeed.
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Something has happened. You are hurting or your loved one is hurting and the ickiness or awkwardness or forced normalcy is not going to go anywhere anytime soon. Feelings are hurt. Perhaps a misunderstanding or perhaps a true "injury" to the relationship has occurred. Words or actions that cannot be unsaid or undone. And a difficult conversation needs to be had. You dread it. You hate confrontation. But you can't sleep either. And you can't make polite small talk anymore. There's an elephant in the room and she's on fire. (I love elephants so forgive that visual- just trying to portray a feeling). So what next? The truth is that I don't have the answer here. I recently had two difficult conversations and neither one was fun. The advice I will give is from my therapist (I really should buy her a nice dinner for all the content I glean from her- thank you Unnamed Therapist 🥰):
Keep all of these tips in mind while you have the difficult conversation. My prayer for you is that your difficult conversations are productive, meaningful, and end in resolution. Life is hard enough on its own. Let us choose our words wisely and remember that those who love us are rarely trying to hurt us. Godspeed. My son had a rough baseball practice. His pitching was off. He missed some routine grounders, and a few of his throws to first were off target. He struck out once and that hardly ever happens. On the drive home he was giving me all the reasons he had an off day on the field, and I listened quietly until he finished. Once we pulled into the driveway and exited the car, I sat him down on the golf cart. I said Son, if I hurt a patient because of an error I made, do you think the judge or the patient’s family is going to want to hear that?
He glared back at me. Or will the judge and patient’s family ask me about how I prepared for my work as a nurse practitioner?
Was I involved in practices that put my patients in danger?
I explained to my young pitcher that baseball (and life) is like my job in many ways. If he makes an error during practice or a game, his coach does not want to hear any “excuses.” Instead, the coach will hold him accountable. The coach may ask what he has done to prepare for his game or practice.
He seemed to understand the concepts after that explanation, but I wanted to take the conversation one step further. I wanted him to have a concrete example of how HARD WORK can truly PAY OFF. Son, do you know how mommy has her blog? Yeah, and you have a lot of people who read it. That’s right. But do you think I would have as many readers if I never wrote and put new posts up? Did you know Mommy has written over 80 posts in 7 months? Mommy “sits her rear in the chair” and writes even when she is tired or has other things to do, because SHE LOVES IT, and she is passionate about it. She even works her full-time job and still gets in that chair to write FOR FREE! That’s how much she both loves it AND wants it to succeed. Is anybody making mommy “practice” or “put the reps in” for her blog? No. Mommy is disciplined. She knows that her hard work will lead to good things. She believes in herself, and she knows that her work ethic and preparedness shall not be questioned. Instead of using some star athlete or famous musician, I used MYSELF. The same person that cooks his meals and folds his clothes. The person he cuddles on the couch with and tells all his secrets. He SEES me chasing my dreams. That really got him pumped up and ready to face the challenge of this upcoming baseball season. Now what does any of this have to do with you? It might be early in the morning when you are reading this. You may be getting ready for a regular workday, or you may be on your lunch break. You may be near pass-out status on the couch, or you may be killing time in a lobby somewhere.
I want to ask you 2 questions:
No judgment. I was 45 before I even started chasing my ACTUAL dreams. And excuses? I’m full of them! I beg you to pause after reading this. Take some deep breaths in, and exhale slowly. Close your eyes and imagine yourself doing what you have always DREAMED you could do. Instead of listing all the reasons why you can’t do it (reasons, excuses, you decide) … think of ONE STEP you could take towards your dream. For me it was pushing “publish” for the first time in July 2021. And then pushing it again and again and again and again, even if my work wasn’t perfect. Even when I wasn’t feeling inspired. I sat down, I started typing, and I made it work. Picture yourself taking that risk. Godspeed. PS I would love to hear from you! What are your dreams? My quick money story. Everybody has one, right? Some people are born into money, some are not. Some people make a fantastic income and still struggle to pay their bills. Others make an average income and live comfortably within their means. Not many people talk about money. It's a secret. It now comes and goes in several icons on our devilish palm-sized devices (see my love hate relationship with my phone here). Anyway, my money story goes something like this: - average childhood, that's my parents' story to tell, but I never really felt STRESSED about money as a child and I was taught some good sound financial principles (thanks Mom & Dad) -got into > 40k in debt in my 20's by living above my means, keeping up with the Joneses and making poor financial decisions -spent 4 years of my 30's GETTING OUT OF DEBT which looked like paying $1000 /month towards old credit card debt FOR FOUR YEARS STRAIGHT (ouch!) -now I am in my 40's and focused on saving for retirement, paying our house off, and avoiding unnecessary debts I say all of that to say: I am not certified in anything financial. I have read some books and followed some financial influencers over the years, and I am very entrenched in our family's finances. I am also learning from my retired parents about what it will actually look like to live on a retirement income. I am familiar with Medicare, pensions, social security benefits, Roth IRAs, and 401k/403b plans. I am not a day trader or financial wizard. I'm somewhere in the middle, and I think that is probably where most of my readers are too. I have had to have very frank discussions about money with patients over the years (financial stress can GREATLY affect one's health and cause caregiver strain with children of elderly patients). So I decided to write about it. Part of my passion for writing is speaking the truth and shedding light on everything that is making us all stressed and uncomfortable. Now that you know my purpose for this piece, are you ready??? Let's do this! My 10 smart money tips for anyone, anywhere:
Let's go through each Money Tip in more detail so that we have a better understanding of them.
PRO TIP: The pictures below are just an example of using my banking app to monitor my spending. You can see the pie chart is for ALL of my 2021 spending. Since I don't have a car payment, I divided my auto expenses by 12. That came to around $392. Since I know car insurance makes up around $200 of the $392, I calculated that I am spending around $172 / month on gas. This is just an easy example of using your banking app to see what you are ACTUALLY spending on categories in your budget. What you think you spend and what you actually spend are often 2 very different amounts. So do your research! It costs you nothing to look at your spending and it will give you so much insight to your financial health! I did not write this post to provoke guilt or shame about your spending or finances. I have had 40k+ in debt and I have felt that overwhelming burden. It's just part of my story, and I am no longer ashamed of it.
I didn't know it was going to happen. He was four and grinning and hit a whopper to the grassy outfield off the tee. The crowd cheered, we took pictures, and we loaded up with Paw Patrol on the van DVD player. I didn't know he was going to ask to play every season. I didn't know he was going to grip a baseball expertly in his hand and deliver it with such speed and accuracy off the mound past the anxious batters from the other team. I didn't know I would be washing uniforms at 10 pm just to put them on him again at 6 am the next day. I never knew I would love the crisp air, smell of grass and burgers, muddy cleats, and sweaty jerseys like I do. I never knew my heart could swell and shatter all within one inning. I didn't know it was going to happen. But it did. Here are 15 things I wish I had known as a first-time baseball mom:
I think we should dig into each one of these for further understanding:
I hope you found this post helpful. I remember being a first-time baseball mom and I had so many questions and not many answers. I never really thought to look online for those answers, but I have reached out to my veteran softball and baseball mom friends for advice and tips over the years. Baseball really is a culture, a family, a lifestyle in many ways. Your child will learn invaluable life lessons both on and off the field. Hopefully, you will too. ⚾️ Godspeed. She didn't clap for me He didn't clap for me Wasn't I good enough? Didn't I try enough? Stay in my own lane Focus on my own thing But I want her to see me Didn't he say he loved me? Nose to the grindstone Tidy my own home But she said that she loved me He said he would cheer for me Back to the grind girl Focus on my world Can they not see me winning? All this energy I'm spending On the wrong things Not the long game Just the short course I am now forced To admit I want your praise But you look at me unfazed And I have to go back now Try to understand why thou Hast control over my thoughts My mind cannot be bought I am not for sale today You shall not have it your way I will win in spite of you I will shine right beside you And you could have shone with me But you could not grow with me So I'm back to my basics It is time that I face this You can't handle my success You pretend you want my best But I see you not clapping and I know you aren't happy I must do this by myself I want but will not get your help I'll stop looking for your praise I am closing this sad case Best of luck to you dear one When I look in this mirror I will clap for my own growth I will smile until I choke I can make my own sunshine Will I clap when it's your time? I would like to say I will Jealousy is a steep hill I can climb, but do I want to? Your lack of applause spoke for you ***author's note: While he or she may not be clapping for you, understand that says more about them than it will ever say about you. Doesn't mean it doesn't burn. Don't give them your energy. Okay, this post might get a little confusing so bear with me. I would call it a fable, but fables involve animals or forces of nature according to Wikipedia. I would call it a parable, but I am not Jesus. So it's just a story. A True Story. As I was cooking tonight, I was actually following a recipe - which is something I very rarely do. Wouldn’t you know it? I totally screwed the recipe up. I had scrolled the internet late last night before the midnight cutoff for my click list and somehow combined two different chicken casserole recipes into one in my tired mom brain. Since I do cook on a regular basis, I tried to assemble the casserole from memory. That was where things went wrong. Long story short, the casserole was delicious and my family asked me to write it down so we can have it again. Then my writer brain kicked in, and I started to think of my friends who loathe cooking and would rather swallow nails than be stuck in a kitchen near a stove. I have always wondered if these friends (male or female) grew up in a house where meals were cooked on a regular basis. I have an inside scoop on meals in a wide variety of households because I am the primary care provider for around 2000 patients. I have families who eat out three meals per day seven days per week. How they afford a roof over their head, gas in their car, or clothes on their body is beyond me LOL. The folks in my house like to eat. Since I analyze everything, after this chicken casserole disaster-turned-deliciousness, I started to think about the non-cooks that I know.
Anyway, aside from all that, I started to think about the actual skills I have acquired from cooking on a regular basis. I rarely have to measure things unless it’s a new recipe. I really don’t even look at recipes. I’ve always been able to just make something up and it works. But I do give credit to my parents who always cooked and included me in the cooking. As a latchkey kid in the 1980s and 1990s, mom would leave directions for supper on an index card by the stove.
This helped me learn what side dishes pair with which main courses and how to time meals so that everything was ready at one time. If you hate to cook you’ve probably stopped reading by now, but bear with me- I do have a point. If you like to cook, I’m sure you’re reminiscing about your early cooking endeavors as a teen or early 20s and remembering the disasters and burned meals. We have all had them. Now back to my point. I think cooking is a lot like parenting. Some people have cooks in their homes and learn how to cook because they are included in the cooking and it comes naturally to them. Likewise, some children have really good parents in their homes and learn how to parent because they see good parenting every day. When they become parents, they are able to mirror a lot of what they saw as children. What about all the little girls and little boys that don’t see good parenting? Do they grow up to hate being a parent? Is parenting more difficult for them? Some of my non-cooking friends have told me that cooking is difficult for them. Are there any parallels? I am not saying good parents cook. Being a good parent has absolutely nothing to do with cooking. I am just wondering if my patients that seem to be checked out on parenting had poor examples of parents from which to learn. I know, I know. Deep, random thoughts on a rainy Sunday night. But I think of the little girls and the little boys who are now big girls and big boys. I see them struggling because they come to me. They open up about their struggles. And I feel them. I see their efforts and witness their frustrations. Most of them are really trying, but they feel defeated from the jump. I am not going to get overly cheesy here about a cookbook or a parenting book. Life is much harder than anything you could ever read in either of those books. I just want you to know that some of us got a “recipe” given to us while others did not. Some of us received love, attention, and praise while others did not. Let us be kind to one another and forgo the judgment. “Food” comes from many places. Let us feed each other well. ☀️ Godspeed.
I recently finished The Four Winds by Kristin Hannah. As I listen to books on my commute, I often pause the recording when I hear a lovely or heart-wrenching quote and voice text it into my iPhone notes. With The Four Winds, I captured 11 quotes. One that has settled into me is this:
"You're wearing your worried face"
said the daughter to her mother. "It's my love face" said the mother to her daughter.
*** I chose mother and daughter instead of character names for context
As I reflect upon ALL THE THINGS (#overanalyzersunite), I cannot get those words out of my head. I am embarrassed (or not?) to tell you the number of times one of my 3 boys has asked "are you okay mom? Your face looks funny like you're mad at me or worried." All the while, I'm thinking "I am cooking supper, I have just folded a million tiny boxer briefs, I signed your agenda, AND I am making a conscious effort to smile ever so slightly." I realize as I pass the hall mirror that my forced smile is only on the bottom half of my face and that the top half is riddled with the heavy and the unknown that I am carrying that day. In my previous post on motherhood, I mention that I sing my children awake. It is quirky and I don't know how it started, but it is ritual in this house. If ever a morning passes without music in the house, the boys know "mommy ain't right." (sidebar: the writer in me abhors "ain't" while the Kentucky in me knows it infers just another level of wrong that the word "not" misses). Laugh if you agree. As my boys get older, and as my therapy bill reaches the thousands of dollars, I am learning that pretending everything is okay:
With boys ages 19, 11, and 9, my Worried / Love Face has rested above my shoulders on so many different days and in so many different ways.
So what next? Is there a moral to this story? I think of my own Mama and both my grandmothers. I remember seeing their Worried / Love faces too and not knowing what they meant. I remember telling both grandmothers goodbye when they BOTH knew they were dying from lung cancer, one as a spitfire 60 year old and the other as a content great-grandmother in her 80s. Even if you are not a mother as you read these words, you have or had a mother. She may be a great mother, or she may be one of the worst. She may not be here to show you her Worried / Love face anymore, and for that my heart aches for you.
I will leave you with this. Another The Four Winds quote.
"Believe me Elsa, this little girl (or boy) will love you as no one ever has and make you crazy and try your soul. Often. And all at the same time." You either have a little girl or boy or you were a little girl or boy. If you have seen any parent figure's Worried Face, then just KNOW that you are or were or will always be LOVED beyond measure and without end. My pledge going forward is to tell my boys as much truth as they can handle at that moment about my Worried Face so that they will KNOW that it really just means that I love them. Forever and Always. Godspeed. When I sat down to do my YEARLY REVIEW at the end of 2021, I was literally drained. I was exhausted: mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I could barely even form a sentence in my head. As I started PLANNING MY YEAR AHEAD as I usually do each holiday season, I started to see just how many things were already on my calendar. I am not sure if I felt disbelief, disgust, or disenchantment. "That will be cancelled. That won't happen. I doubt we actually do that." After two years of cancelled, postponed, and rescheduled plans, I almost reached for a pencil instead of a pen. I am eternally optimistic, but I am TIRED. You know those days where you sit down in the evening and you feel like you've been to DisneyWorld with 2 toddlers and 2 strollers and a newborn? Those days where you are driving home from a busy day in family practice and you aren't even exactly sure what your own name is (much less a disease or dosage of medication)? I feel like we've all had TWO YEARS of those days. So I decided to just boycott goals altogether for 2022. I wasn't going to make goal(s) for Health, Finance, Education, Personal Growth, Career, Family, Marriage, Spirituality, Home, etc like I usually do every year. The thought of doing that after I wrote my GOAL SETTING post was just as insurmountable as climbing Mount Everest (for this girl who already battles a chronic lung disease). Choosing a word for the year? Meh. And usually I am ALL OVER THAT!. But the only words that have come to mind lately (that don't include mild profanity) are flexibility, change, resiliency, and stamina. And I realize all of those words are entrenched in what I have LEARNED FROM THIS PANDEMIC as a frontline family NP. So I haven't chosen a word just yet. And I'm not sure that I will choose one for 2022.
And what I'm finding is that wearing ACTUAL CLOTHES (no scrubs, no standard mom "leggings and a tee" uniform) makes me feel better. It makes me feel better about myself, my life, my marriage, my work, and my day. I never thought I would be typing this, but it's TRUE. I choose healthier foods and move more when my pants have a zipper and a button. 👖 I try to have healthier emotional reactions when I don't look like I just rolled out of bed. 🧘♀️ I am reminded of my passion for medicine when I am dressed the professional part. 👩⚕️ I am even nicer to my husband when I like my reflection in the mirror. 👩❤️👨 I feel better about spending all the money I have spent on clothes now that I am actually wearing them. 😜 So there you have it. I set one goal for 2022. It is simple and it used to be automatic. What happened to the girl who loved shoes and purses and dressing up? Where did she go? Who and what took her from me? I feel her trying to emerge again. She is ready for this new year. She has no idea what's going to happen and no control over any of it. But she is showing up. And she looks and feels AMAZING. 👗 *** most of the time
*** except on Mondays *** or on days when her kids are off the chain *** but she is trying ☀️ Roses are red and
violets are blue There once was a girl who was told what to do She was born with a fire inside her it's true, But she had to obey and follow the rules So she did all her homework and made all the A's "Oh the places you'll go!" "All the lives you will change!" So she tried and she tried and she gave it her all Did she miss all the places? Did she forget to stand tall? Someone misplaced her invite Surely there was a seat for this girl Were her efforts unnoticed? Did her destiny unfurl? She is such a good girl Yes we love her, we do! But her volume was too much Someone quick! Press MUTE Back to her corner straight and in line Stay tuned, just wait it is almost her time ***author's note: this is not the original text for The Volume. If you would like to read the original, message me and I will be happy to send it to you. Shame. Such an icky topic and feeling. I am not a licensed therapist. I am still trying to figure all of this out myself, but I am learning and I am working to diligently avoid shaming words being said by any member of my household (including myself). THIS IS HARD WORK. 😩 When I see myself, my spouse, or my children slipping into a shame spiral, I try to acknowledge it and stop it if possible. This is treacherous, however. The danger in stopping a shame spiral is the risk of entering into toxic positivity. Toxic positivity can equally invalidate and minimize a person's feelings. One can go from "I am not good enough" to "I am not good enough to have this emotion right now." One can go from being told "you worry too much, you are such a worry wart" to "don't worry, everything is always going to work out." Neither instance feels good. Has a friend or loved one ever told you what you should have done and how you should have responded? How did that feel? Even better, have YOU ever told a friend or loved one what they should have done or how they should have responded? That mirror comes up quickly. The Shame Spiral can start immediately or hours, days, weeks after the "injury." It can last a lifetime. My therapist just asked me if I had ever heard the story about the father and son and the nails on the fence post. I had not. I tried to find the original author and the original full story, but I could not find it. Please let me know if you do. The quick version is that the father gave the son some nails to nail into the fence post. The boy did and came back to his dad. The dad said "good job son, now go take them all out." The boy wondered what in the world his father was thinking but he did as he was told. Upon his return, the boy asked "okay, I took them all out, but why did you have me do that Dad?". The father replied "Son, those nails are like words. You can say them and you can try to take them back, but the holes will always remain." Credit to MaryAnn Denwood @ The People's Therapist and Richard Bamford Therapy for the above images. Credit to Michigan Health Blog and ThePsychologyGroup.com for the above images. I could not locate the exact source from these SlideShare images, but I found them to be extremely valuable. When I began my own work with my own shame, it felt bad of course. I wondered why I "felt so bad" when "I don't think I really did anything wrong." And I don't mean I've never lied or disappointed someone or made a poor choice. OF COURSE I have done all of those things. I meant that sometimes I feel like I'm doing good things, kind things, making smart choices, and I still feel SHAME. Why in the world am I feeling shame when I "act right" and make kind, intentional choices? I quickly learned that we can be just as shamed for doing GOOD as we can for doing BAD. (Excuse all grammar rules here - just go with me). I can be a good girl and be shamed for it. I can be the best in the room (at a sport, in a class, on a project, or at work) and be shamed for it. Am I crazy and causing myself all this shame or do other children and adults actually shame us when we excel? The truth is BOTH. We receive messaging from infancy to the grave that shape our responses. These messages come from our loved ones and from strangers. Today, they often come from avatars on a screen in the devilish device in our hands. The messages come from television and advertisements. They even come from our beloved children. Are other people TRYING to shame us? Probably not. But they may be full of shame themselves, so it's a language in which they are fluent. OR, they don't know how to handle their own emotions and we are the nearest punching bag. It's all complicated. It is layered. It is old and it is new. None of it feels good. As part of my own shame work, I was asked to draw my own shame creature. I think this is an excellent exercise for anyone. I included the most shaming statements I have received from strangers and well-meaning loved ones. So here I am, undressing on the internet and showing you my boo-boos. It is scary to be this vulnerable, but I want to do and feel better. I don't want to push the shame button of anyone I love, especially the sweet souls fast asleep under my own roof right now as I type this. So here goes.
So 2021 came. It didn't conquer. Or did it? It was a blur for me both personally and professionally. I am looking forward to 2022, and what better way to kick off the new year than with FAVORITES!?!? Favorites are alway fun and they are never right or wrong. They are subject to opinion and they require zero effort to consume. So sit back, relax, and scroll along ?
Here are my January 2022 Favorites:
The Organize 365 Podcast:
Lisa Woodruff is the owner and founder of Organize 365, a company that helps women get their homes and papers organized for good. She created a Sunday Basket, 100 Day Home Organization Program, and binders for finance, medical, a child with special needs, your home, you name it. I plan to dedicate an entire blog post to her programs, but if any of this interests you at all, I have linked her website below. I am a Certified Paper Organizer and Sunday Basket Organizer with Organize 365, and I can 100% vouch for her systems! Her podcast can be found anywhere you listen to podcasts. ? The Morning Show on Apple TV: First of all, the actors: Reese Witherspoon, Jennifer Anniston, Steve Carell, Billy Crudup, Marcia Gay Harden- just to name a few. The topics are timely (pandemic, Me Too movement) and show all sides of the issues. The show is definitely inappropriate for children, so you'll have to watch this once the kids are in bed, but I have not been able to stop mid-episode. I often had to force myself to stop and get in the bed! I love the realistic view of "power" and how we really are all the same regardless of the money, fame, and title. We all crave love and connection. HappilyAHousewife on YouTube: This year marks 10 years that Samantha (Sam) has been vlogging on YouTube. She has 3 kids similar in age to mine. She started as a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom) and is now back in the workforce. She is a baseball mama, likes to cook, likes to plan, and is VERY down-to-earth. When I "quit" work in 2014 and slowed down to just 2 days a week, I had no idea how to be a "housewife." Since I like to research, I typed "how to be a housewife" into Google and Sam popped up! I don't always have time to watch every video, but if I ever want a recipe or planning idea or I just need to know I'm not alone in this mom life, she always cheers me up. She is very REAL, and that's what I love the most! I have linked her channel below. Side note: I "went back to work" full-time in 2016 when my youngest started pre-K. I loved that 2 years when I worked part-time when they were 2-4. Let me know if you'd like an entire post about working versus staying home. ❤️ My leggings from Amazon: Soft, not too loose or too tight, phone pocket, high waist / don't fold over or slide down, wash well. 3 pair under $40! Several color choices. Need I say more?
The Marco Polo App:
I may do an entire post on the free version of Marco Polo versus the paid one, but get the free one TODAY! It's like text in the fact that you watch the video when you have time and respond when you have time. What I love is that your facial expressions, tone of voice, and appearance (weird but true) all come through. So if you're having a rough day emotionally, your friends and family can SEE that compared to a text that looks the same whether you are high on life or down in the trenches. You can also rewatch or pause a "marco" if you need clarity or get interrupted. I LOVE this app and I cannot say enough good things about it! It has revolutionized communication for me since I can safely marco on my commute (phone on dash) and between patients. With a spouse working opposite shifts, it has been HUGE for our marriage. It has even helped with my brother and sister-in-law living in China on a 13-hour time difference! My quiet time in the morning: Coffee, blanket, my chair, my heating pad, and QUIET. I journal, I pray, I follow my friend's scripture writing plan (linked below), I type these blog posts to you, I plan, I think, I listen to a book or podcast or YouTube video, I research, and I am uninterrupted. Am I an 80-year-old living in a 45-year-old's body? Maybe. With my autoimmune disease, some days I feel that way ?, but I cherish this time alone. It is mine, and there is something to be said for that. My new straightener: This was a Christmas 2021 gift, and I love it! I have just enough curl to be annoying, so I straighten my hair 90% of the time. If you follow me on Instagram, you probably saw my story showing that it lasted through errands on a rainy day and a full day of housework! I also have a post on IG about my "curly" hair that is worth a read... you know - how we all try to change what God gave us. ☀️ The Four Winds by Kristin Hannah: I hate having a movie or book ending spoiled by a friend, so I will just say this book is GREAT. I love historical dramas (this one is set during the Dust Bowl extreme draught in the 1930s) and the characters are lovely, raw, and transparent. I don't want to say too much, but read the summary if this peaks your interest at all. The narrator is Julia Whelan and she is amazing. I'm sure the paper copy is just as good or better. Homemade Chex Mix courtesy of my husband: No explanation needed! Salty & delicious. Thank God he only makes it at the holidays. Honing the new skill of asking for what I need: My therapist told me a secret. My husband, my friends, my coworkers, and my family cannot read my mind. I had never really though about that. Sometimes as adults, we assume all other adults know "what to do" or "what we need." They do not. If we calmly and safely ask for what we need and our people cannot or choose not to meet those needs, then that is another issue. It is not fair, however, to stay hurt or angry at a loved one if we never made our needs known. This blew my mind. So simple. So true. SUCH a game-changer. Sit on it and see if it speaks to you. *** If I have linked any products from Amazon, I am an Amazon affiliate. If you choose to purchase via my link, I will receive a small commission but your cost will be the same. I can use that commission to buy more reading glasses so I can see my laptop to keep blogging. ✍️*** I recently had a situation in my life as a mother which brought connection and shared experience to the forefront of my mind. One of my children has not felt connected to one of his teachers and has expressed concern that this teacher may not like him. As a mom, I knew I needed to explore this since this child in particular craves connection. Words of affirmation are definitely his love language. We are working through this issue, and I have hope that only good things will come from our conversations with the teacher, the principal, and other teachers who are on his team. These conversations were definitely a lightbulb moment for me. All of us, young and old, rich or poor, of any faith or no faith at all, no matter where we live… We all want to feel connected to other people. Loneliness is an epidemic and I am on a crusade to at least put a small dent in its wrath. During our brainstorming sessions, we realized that students in general are receiving positive and negative feedback mostly in a digital format. When I learned that my child received praise through an app that was cast on a screen in his classroom for all to see (and negative feedback in the same way), I was speechless. Do you not verbally praise or reinforce my child? What about in writing on his assignments? I was met with a blank stare. I cringed. And then I thought about my own life and the life of all adults in 2022. All the likes, the comments, the shares, the tags, the texts instead of a phone call, the email instead of a conversation, the gift card instead of a thoughtful handmade or store-bought item, and I cringed again. How do I give my boys positive and negative feedback? Will they only remember the text I sent? Will they remember evenings of me responding to lab values and MRI results on an inanimate object instead of cuddling with them on the couch? Will they think that when I am texting a friend in crisis that my friend is more important? I only have one child with a cell phone- thank you Jesus, but that will change. Will my communication with these precious boys change? Will I sit idly by and watch it happen? I was not going to watch my child’s love for learning unravel due to one disconnected teacher. I was on that like white on rice. Even the school administration agreed that children need verbal feedback today more than ever since most instruction includes a screen unfortunately. That said, am I walking the walk and talking the talk that I am demanding for my own child? How do I let the people I love know that I love them? Is it a text, an email? When is the last time we spoke on the phone - or better yet - saw each other in person? Yes a pandemic shut a lot of things down, but there are safe ways to connect. FaceTime is actually a beautiful thing. The Marco Polo app has improved my marriage tremendously since my husband and I work opposite shifts. And my family members that live under my roof? I have no excuse if I do not connect with them daily. About a year ago, I placed time limits on my social media apps. I allow myself 30 minutes total between Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok per day. Gasp. When my timer is up, those apps go dark. Some days I override the limit if there are particular things I am interested in or if I am looking for something to make me feel better (did I just type that? Yes. Sadly, I did). But on those days that I stick to that limit, I am a better parent, a better wife, a better daughter, a better nurse practitioner, and a better friend. This may not be true for you, but it is for me. So, if I’m not on my phone, what in the world am I doing? Have you ever considered how much time you would have if you plugged your phone in another room the minute you arrived home in the evening? What would you do? How would your spouse feel if you gave them an hour of your undivided attention each day? How would your child feel? And if you live alone, are not in a relationship, or do not have children, this still applies. I’m sure you have friends, other family members, and hobbies. What about your faith or your mental health? What if you dedicated 10 minutes per day to either one of those? In 2022, nobody knows what to do with themselves. It is a real problem I see every day in my practice. Rarely do I enter an exam room when a patient is not on their phone. I cannot remember the last time I went into a restaurant and didn’t see a couple who were both on their phone during the meal. Children do not know how to sit in a waiting room or in a car or at a dining table without a screen, and that literally breaks my heart. And what breaks my heart even more, is most of the faces on those screens are of strangers. They are not the child’s parent, grandparent, cousin, mentor, coach. They are someone being paid by a marketing group to make our children feel good. And adults are just as guilty. When did mothers and fathers stop making their children feel good? When did teachers stop making their students feel loved? When did friends stop talking with actual words that come out of their mouths? When did spouses start sending each other videos and memes instead of talking about hopes and dreams and struggles? I do not have all the answers. I only have my house, my family, my thoughts and behaviors that I can somewhat control. And I am ready to take back the reigns, ditch the digital input, and turn on the lights in my own life. I will no longer be an avatar of a human. I will be live and in person. My boys and my husband will hear my voice and feel my touch if I have any say so at all. We need a revolution my friends. Our children will never survive a marriage if they cannot talk to each other. They need us, and quite frankly we need them too. We are the solution. We just have to put our devices down and show up. Godspeed. Please support my fellow hope*writers by checking out their posts about LIFE: A Radiant Life By MelAnn of Grace and Rapture https://graceandrapture.com/publish/post/44999942 Pursuing Life By Jessica Weaver www.rootedunrooted.com/blog/pursuing-life Parenting Advice for a Better Life By Ashley Olivine https://louvaria.com/parenting-advice/ Embrace Eternal Life in Jesus Christ By Lisa Granger https://lisamarcelina.net/embrace-eternal-life-in-jesus-christ Living a Life Well Worth Living By Lori Shoaf https://www.lorishoaf.com/stories-to-encourage/living-a-life-well-worth-living. 1% Living Every Single Day By Dianne Vielhuber https://simplewordsoffaith.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=10546&action=edit |