When was the last time you felt held?

​I remember my daddy teaching me to swim. He would hold me and let me practice being on my back or my belly, practicing the arm strokes and the leg kicks. I remember being SO SCARED to let go, but eventually- when I did- WOW!  I could go all over that pool, and I felt safe. It took me being held to be able to let go. 


And yes, while I was also HOLDING ON, what I remember most is feeling held. Feeling secure. Someone bigger and wiser and more experienced than me was allowing me to gain my confidence. It felt good. 


For someone who loves to be in control, allowing myself to be or feel held has been difficult as an adult. Is it control or is it lack of trust?  Is it fear?  Past wounds?  What keeps us from being held as adults?


And who holds us?  Our partner or spouse?  Our aging parents? Our colleagues or mentors?  Certainly not our kids!  That’s too much pressure on the ones who also still need to be held. 


And can we hold ourselves?  How do we do that?  It feels like tiptoeing on a tightrope above a valley of old regrets, past failures, lost relationships, and general ick. Who can and who will catch us if we fall?


I don’t know all the answers, but I have learned a few lessons the hard way. 

• The less I carry, the easier the path forward. I’ve been tossing junk that has burdened me for decades right on down into that valley where it belongs. Remember how I had to let go of my dad’s secure embrace in order to swim?
• Keeping my eyes on the prize is paramount. I never thought I could meet my weight loss goals when I started, but I kept my eyes forward and kept moving. If I had let my gaze drift to that valley regularly, I would have turned around. 
• If it doesn’t feel good, it’s not good for me. I don’t know if I can hold myself and I haven’t quite figured out who can or should hold me, but I am listening to my body. I gravitate towards safety and light, and it has been life-changing. Why choose to put myself in danger? Even if that danger is only emotional. 
• Cheerleaders. Since I haven’t figured out who can or should hold me, I have definitely figured out my squad. If I leave from time with you feeling good or energized, regardless of how heavy our conversations may be, you’re on my team. Life & friendships aren’t perfect, family isn’t chosen, but we can try to curate a good squad. 

So on this Friday, a few days before I’m 49-and-holding, I encourage you to think about the last time you felt held. Who held you?  Who are you holding?  And what do you need to throw into your valley?


Personally, I’m trying to be a little more of a net for those I love and a little less of a wall. Walls can contain us and perhaps protect us, but they certainly have no give.   They don’t bounce back and they can also show evidence of damage. Just ick. 


May each of you find all your nets. May each of you move forward. 


Godspeed. 

velcro sneakers and sippy cups

how I plan meals a month at a time

Staying connected with your partner

A poem to midlife

creating a monthly task list

where do I put my emotions?