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Hijacked. Triggered. On Alert. On Edge. Uneasy. Icky. These are all words that describe how I feel when I am leaving my body as a result to some stimulus. And while I hate that my body has a physical response to certain triggers, my therapist has helped me realize that my body is doing its job. It is trying to keep me safe. It is sounding an alarm, and that is a good thing in the end. Whether you have been to therapy or not, you may recognize similar feelings and wonder how you can get back into your body and out of that fight, flight, or freeze response. Below I have listed some concrete ways to do so: 5 ways to get back into your body:
I hope these techniques have given you some concrete tools you can readily adapt the next time you are feeling a fight, flight, or freeze response. They have certainly helped me get back into my body. May you find more peace and belonging through my words. Please know that you are not alone. Godspeed.
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After writing School Colors as I processed the Uvalde tragedy, I kept feeling and seeing the word BRAVE creep into my mind and body. As with any tragedy, loss, or wonkiness we endure, I think people turn to comedy for some type of comfort or relief. Pandemic comedians, where you at? (yes I used improper grammar and I liked it)... Anywho, I've had a lot of ICKY after this most recent school shooting, and I have found myself SCROLLING more than usual- I guess as a form of searching for both relief and answers. 😞 Upon scrolling, I saw a meme of the 80's mustachioed dad tossing his bewildered 7 year old into the pool as his form of "swim lessons." Ha ha- so funny- so true (established 1976 right here), keep scrolling. Still smiling as my right thumb hovered over my phone, I felt a small nudge. Brave. Kids. Brave kids. Kids who are brave. Parents who allow kids to BE BRAVE. Now I'm NOT thinking or talking about Uvalde, but I'm thinking and talking about the kids I see and know. The ones in my house. The ones in my neighborhood. The ones on my son's team. The ones in my son's acting group. The ones in their classes. My cousins' kids. My friends' kids. MY KIDS. Last night I watched my youngest son do something SO BRAVE. It took so much courage to do what he did. After his brave act, I asked him how he felt. He had mixed emotions (because his efforts were great but not PERFECT) and he was exhausted. I explained to him that what I loved the most about his endeavor was the COURAGE he displayed to even attempt his feat. Good, bad, perfect, terrible, wonderful, awful, whatever... he DID IT! And he did not give up. And he did not waiver. He believed in himself and he followed through without the 2022 SAFETY NET of PARENTS and SOCIETY. But friends, are we the NET we think we are for these children? Are we catching them when they fall or are we blocking the ladder to get to the scary top? Are we so worried about their potential failure (and heaven forbid it being captured on social media) that we are keeping them from even DREAMING or BELIEVING or TRYING to reach for the stars? Are we modeling GOING FOR IT and TRYING NEW THINGS or are we waiting on the sidelines watching reels of strangers going for it? Did we "see it on TikTok" or did we actually try it ourselves? Are we letting them FAIL or are we making sure they SUCCEED at all costs? Are we celebrating the lessons learned or only the medals won? So I challenge you, Moms and Dads, Aunts and Uncles, Grannies and Nannies and Pappaws... talk to the children in your life about COURAGE and BRAVERY. Discuss success and failure at the supper table. On the way to the "brave feat" last night, that same son asked me if some celebrity was a millionaire. My response: "I'm sure he is, but that doesn't mean he's happy. Ask that celebrity what matters to him, what he stands for, who he has helped in his life - that's a better question." Give your dear ones a little wiggle room to make mistakes. Let them have an original thought and better yet, AN OPINION. Encourage them when they are frustrated, but please do not fix it all for them. Allow them to clean up their own messes. If I have learned anything in the past few weeks, it is that my children and the children in this world are BRAVE SOULS, braver than we will ever imagine. Let us unlock their courage and model resiliency after "failure." Put your phone down. Talk to the kids in your life. Ask them what courage means to them. SHOW THEM how to be brave. Godspeed. AUTHOR'S NOTE: I am still not okay after what happened in Uvalde, Texas. I am okay with not being okay. This post is not meant to belittle those events in any way. I'm watching my children as they move through this. I'm learning from them how to be brave. School colors like black and gold Varsity cheerleaders Marching bands with trombones Or school colors like yellow and black Lines of school buses Bring excited August students back School colors like green and white Chalkboard and chalk Now Chromebooks and a mic School colors like Crayola in a pack All the colors of the rainbow Glue sticks, play-doh, and papers stacked School colors like pink and purple Little girls' hair bows and backpacks On their devices playing IXL & now Wordle School colors like navy and grey Quarterbacks and point guards Breaking records, making their way School colors like off-white and beige Tile floors and cement walls Janitors mopping, cafeteria workers wave School colors like baby blue and white Pep rallies and pom poms It's homecoming tonight! School colors like silver and black TURN THE LIGHT OFF!!!! BE QUIET!!!! HE'S GOT A GUN!!!! DON'T LOOK BACK!!!! DON'T MOVE- JUST BREATHE NO NOISE - WE NEED TO STAY QUIET, SO QUIET COUNT 1, 2, 3 DON'T CRY, IT'S OKAY YOU WANT YOUR MOMMY SWEETIE JUST STAY VERY STILL, SO VERY STILL I AM NOT SURE IF HE WILL COME TO OUR ROOM POW POW POW SCREAM SCREAM SCREAM NOW NOW NOW IT'S SO FAST, SO VERY FAST IT'S SO LOUD, SO VERY LOUD yet so quiet and so lonely am I frightened or just zoning out or am I in? is it over? did we win? no we lost and school colors are red for blood shed and white for those who died and black for the marks on our souls don't look back School Colors, School Colors I don't trust you anymore. I am hiding behind a bookshelf with America's children on the floor. In my 24 years of nursing / NP work, I have seen countless cardiac events either in action or the ramifications of such events. On a personal note, three of my four grandparents had strokes. I lost my paternal grandfather when I was only 4 and he was 55 due to a massive stroke. My paternal grandmother had stents in cardiac and non-cardiac arteries as well as "open heart surgery" CABG (coronary artery bypass graft). I have been affected by heart disease on a personal and a professional level, and I want to help patients understand the true risk of death and debility associated with cardiac events. Here are the top 10 reasons I refer patients to the cardiologist:
Let's talk a little more about each of these 10 conditions and how a patient may actually present to my office with these symptoms.
I have had patients in their thirties suffer from strokes and heart attacks. I have seen heart failure, cardiac arrhythmias, and high blood pressure in patients from childhood, young adulthood, and beyond. I doubt there is anyone in America who does not personally know someone who has been affected by heart disease. In honor of America's Go Red for Women Month (every February), I encourage you to schedule your wellness exam with your primary care provider and to start paying more attention to your heart rate, blood pressure, water intake, weight changes, and dietary choices. Your heart matters to me! Godspeed. When was the last time I felt challenged? I wake up, sip my coffee, trudge through my morning routine. Mouthful of medicine for my chronic illness. I write, I pray, I listen (to a book, podcast, or music). I chew my breakfast while I drive to my same place of employment for 14 years. I continue to listen (to the book, podcast, or music) OR I stare off into space while I drive. I get out of my car, unlock my office door, log into my work computers, and it begins. I get back in my car, return a million missed texts, phone calls, and emails as safely as I can using Apple Car Play / Siri Safe Drive. I pull into the garage and count down the hours until bedtime. I chew my supper while I try to remember my name. I chat with my family and aging parents about mostly-trivial but sometimes-important details. Another mouthful of medicine for my chronic illness. I look at my beautiful children in awe, and I wonder what kind of men they will be. I sit with my husband for an hour (if we are lucky) before he leaves for his night shift job. Bedtime routine for kiddos, occasionally a TV show that makes me think, and then I'm staring at my palm-sized demon looking for answers it does not contain. Is this it? Is this the peak or the valley? The joy or the pain? The calm or the storm? I don't know anymore. It all feels the same. Yes, yes a global pandemic has stripped me of some of my best days. It has calcified my heart and further thickened my skin. My eyes grow both weak and clouded. My soul is but an echo of its youthful GLOW. My mind, once invigorated and eager... my mind sits solemnly in the corner silently daring someone or something to call upon it. Goodnight, my once-lively darling. I have tucked you in every night for almost 2 years now. Your light is weak now, sweet darling. I see a glimmer. A flicker of promise. Can life wake you and shake you before your final flame burns? That is the challenge. No one else will save us or light our fire. We must find the spark, the ignition, the catalyst. Find a mirror, sweet darling - and DIG. DIG DEEP my darling. She is in there. Let us LIGHT HER ON FIRE again. That is the challenge. I wrote this for any person anywhere who feels like they are sleep-walking through life. You are not alone. We are all struggling. I stand with you. Let us find our fire again. Please help support my fellow hope*writers by visiting their work: Writing Consistently is a Challenge by Regina Marcazzo-Skarka https://reginamarcazzoskarka.wordpress.com/2022/02/15/writing-consistently-is-a-challenge/ The Motherhood Penalty Challenge by Ashley Olivine https://www.ashleyolivine.com/the-motherhood-penalty-challenge/ Insomnia With Anxiety and How to Overcome the Challenge by Epigen Wellness Group https://www.epigenwellness.com/insomnia-with-anxiety-how-to-overcome-challenge/ Challenging Times and 3 Ways to Endure the Struggle by Lindsey Gibson https://lindseygibson.com/2021/02/21/challenging-times-3-ways-to-endure-the-struggle/ Jar Full of Manna 31 Day Discipleship Challenge by Kelly Heath https://jarfullofmanna.blog/2021/03/01/31-day-discipleship-challenge-how-to-follow-jesus/ Reflection is a beautiful thing. It is often overlooked, but when we slow down and DO IT, we can learn and grow. Now that I'm in my forties, I sometimes look back at times in my teens and twenties and try to "hold on" to that feeling. We really can't do that, though, can we? Frequent reflection allows us to "hold on" right now. To really "feel it" right now... before it passes. Reflection gives us room to take note, consider future improvements, and relish in current joy. I'm hoping to start reflecting every quarter here. A public diary entry of sorts. A record of the good and the bad. A glimpse in time.
This is what I'm learning right now, September 2021:
What do we say when we don't know what to say? We have all been there. Someone dies unexpectedly. Someone receives a terrible diagnosis. A divorce comes out of nowhere. A tragic accident. Our partner says something cruel or doesn't meet our emotional needs. A friend is struggling with infertility or has a miscarriage. Our friend is venting about a difficult situation. Here are some tips for what to say and what not to say: Do / say this:
Don't do / say this:
CHECK OUT THE BOOK "I HEAR YOU" BY MICHAEL SORENSON FOR AN IN-DEPTH DISCUSSION ON ACTIVE AND EFFECTIVE LISTENING. WORTH THE READ!
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