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Motherhood. It sounds official, important, and majestic. And IT IS. BUT - motherhood - being a MOTHER - is a constant, daily, exhausting, never-ending, rollercoaster of a job that has zero degrees or certifications as preparation and the measuring stick seems to move daily. Who is measuring? My boys? The world? My husband? Social media? The boys' future therapists? ME? Let all that soak in for a few moments and then we will dig into this crazy ride called motherhood. Being a mother is definitely my greatest JOY in life. I have wanted to be a mom since I was a very young girl setting up mock classrooms in my garage for neighborhood children (#truestory) and naming my children in big bubble letters in my third-grade spiral notebook. I babysat my entire neighborhood it seemed, and I was going to be a mom as soon as I got married and worked 2 years as a nurse. I would be 24 and my life would be perfect. Then life happened. For lots of reasons, and over many years, I thought motherhood was not in the cards for me. I was devastated. I wasn't sure what life would be without ME being a mom. I was destined to be a mother, right? That was the PLAN. I live by and stick to the PLAN. Fast-forward to age 34 and my first baby boy was born screaming, dreaming, and wild, and he hasn't stopped any of those yet! His 8 year old brother was waiting on him in the waiting room bursting with excitement. 2 years later, God gave me the sweetest, big-hearted, most mellow fellow in the universe and God's plans for me and my motherhood journey were complete. All those nights I looked to the starlit heavens with tears in my eyes wondering when it would be my turn ended. All those Happy Mother's Day cards and texts I sent out with awkward responses like "um, thank you- hope you have a good day too" were over. Some women may say motherhood doesn't define them or isn't their purpose. I do love other things. I enjoy hobbies and my career and a good live band or a breeze on a boat. I will sit on any cabin deck in the mountains and drink any cup of coffee if it's made right. But being a mother is and will always be my MOST IMPORTANT JOB. And every time I look at my green-eyed boy with the world's longest eyelashes acting on stage, or admire the kind, responsible young man my step-son has become, or listen to my big-blue-eyed baby boy tell me how he wants to help someone in need, the world drifts away. Nothing else matters. If I had never made a proper diagnosis, helped someone who was in pain, or received any trophy, plaque, or ribbon for my efforts, I would be just fine. My real work is being done every single day and will continue until I leave this Earth. Those 3 boys are my purpose in life. Thank you, Jesus, for answering my prayers in Your way on Your time. HERE ARE 14 LESSONS I LEARNED IN MY FIRST DECADE OF MOTHERHOOD. I'M NOW IN MY SECOND DECADE, BUT I'VE HAD MOST OF THESE DOWN FOR A LITTLE WHILE NOW.
I think each of these lessons deserves a little more detail. I really had no trouble thinking of these, since they have honestly been LESSONS LEARNED. These are all things I literally did not know until I knew. And what you don't know, well... it's just better that you know these. 🤷♀️
My own mother told me many years ago that motherhood would be both the hardest and the MOST IMPORTANT job I would ever have. She has never been a step-mother. She has never been through a divorce and tried to navigate a second marriage with a man who was also navigating a second marriage. She has what some might call a wonderful, life-long, high-school-sweetheart partnership that is still going strong over 50 years later. She had 2 smart kids who were active in sports and music and for the most part well-behaved. She wasn't working as a nurse practitioner bringing work home every night, and she wasn't commuting over 8 hours every week. And she still said it was the hardest. And the most important. Odds are that I don't know you. I don't know how many people live in your house or what kind of childhood you had. I don't know how many times you've been hurt or who exactly caused your pain. I don't know how demanding your job is or if you even work outside the home. I don't know if you struggled to get pregnant or if you have more children than you ever intended. Your family may be blended or straight out of Southern Living. It doesn't matter. If you're reading this, you are most likely a parent, probably a female, and if I were a betting woman, I would bet you are exhausted. You are overwhelmed. You are lonely. You are bored if we are being 100% honest. You are under-appreciated and overworked. And you wanted to know you're not alone. I declare from my Georgia basement with my ice-pack on my already-arthritic knee, you are NOT alone. I am with you. My own mama with her cookie cutter textbook family was with you and is still with you. This is hard work. And it's WORTH IT. I hope this article brought you some comfort, whimsy, new ideas, or peace. Just remember wherever you are, I am with you. I'm only halfway to 18 on my youngest, so we can hang out for quite a while yet. 🤪 Godspeed. Please help support my fellow hope*writers' work by reading their posts using the prompt word "fourteen"... :
The Most Wonderful Time of the Year: 14 Things I Love About the Holidays by Jessica Weaver www.rootedunrooted.com/blog/the-most-wonderful-time-of-the-year 14 Truths about Love by Sharla Hallett www.sharlahallett.com/14-truths-about-love/ Fourteen Adjectives to Cultivate in Kids by Jessica Haberman https://storytellerfarm.com/fourteen-adjectives-to-cultivate-in-kids/ 14 Parenting Tips to Raise Strong, Independent Kids by Ashley Olivine https://louvaria.com/14-parenting-tips/
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I was surprised 🧐 when the vaccine came out for frontline HCW (healthcare workers) in December 2020 and the general public started claiming it caused sterility. Let’s use common sense. 🧠 It takes 1–24 months 📆 to conceive before most providers start to investigate infertility. It takes 40 weeks to carry a baby 🍼 to term. Let’s average conception time to 12 months and add the gestation time of 9 months🤰 to = 21 months. Covid REALLY started to hit the US hard about 18–19 months ago. The vaccine was available to some of us 9–10 months ago but MOST of the women of childbearing age could not receive it until 5 months ago. How can anyone claim infertility at this point in time? 🤔 I never say never because I am constantly learning in medicine. Every day I see something I never thought I would witness. I have had pregnant women🤰contract Covid and pregnant women🤰receive the Covid vaccine. I have also seen pregnant unvaccinated women with Covid whose babies had to be delivered while mom was on the ventilator. My community just lost a 28 year-old mother of 3 who never got to know her newborn. 🥲 The American College of Obstetrics & Gynecology and the Society for Maternal Fetal Medicine issued a joint statement encouraging the vaccine for all pregnant women🤰 in July 2021. I recognize that I have the benefit of being "done" having my babies as I navigate this pandemic. That fact is NOT lost on me. I know young adults are faced with a very hard decision with such a new vaccine and their entire lives in front of them. Early in the pandemic, I even advised some of my young, healthy patients to wait until we had more long-term data... that I saw no serious health risk if they were to contract covid. 2021 changed that. I have had YOUNG, healthy patients on the ventilator and near death. I still believe it is a personal decision, but please be sure you are getting your information from reputable sources and people you trust. Much love... Throughout my career, I have had to deliver hard news to my patients. I have had to deliver even worse news to their families. It is the LEAST favorite part of my job, but I have found some comfort knowing I am delivering the news with compassion and empathy. I usually know the patient and family very well, and I think that means a lot. These suggestions may be helpful when faced with a difficult diagnosis.
Let's look at each suggestion in detail:
I am in a unique position in that I have both delivered and received hard news. At the age of 40, when my youngest son was 4, I was told I probably have lymphoma AND multiple sclerosis over the phone by a nurse. I was told to get an appointment with an oncologist and a neurologist as soon as possible. Many blood tests, imaging tests, and biopsies later, I was finally told that "you don't have cancer! And I don't think you have MS but I'm not sure. What you do have is a lifelong incurable autoimmune disease that can attack any organ and can be difficult to treat. And by the way, nobody has really heard of it and even us doctors have to google it when we see it on a chart."
So maybe those weren't his exact words, but it was close. And there will be a lot more to that story to come in my posts. I wish someone had used tip #3 with me when delivering my news. How to have an effective office visit with your provider: There are some tried and true ways to have a productive, meaningful visit with your medical provider. As a patient with a chronic illness AND a family nurse practitioner, I have the inside track.
If you need more frequent office visits, ask for them. Your provider is PAID to see you. Your insurance is billed for those visits where as most providers do not bill for phone calls or portal messages. If you end up needing them before your designated 3 or 6 month follow-up and you have more than 1-2 simple questions, PLEASE schedule an office visit. As a provider with complicated patients of my own, I would much rather have that patient in the office with me to have a discussion than to do multiple back-and-forths over the portal. It’s better patient care. AND my time is used wisely in my employer’s mindset. Medicine is a business. Although so many of us really do care!!! What do we say when we don't know what to say? We have all been there. Someone dies unexpectedly. Someone receives a terrible diagnosis. A divorce comes out of nowhere. A tragic accident. Our partner says something cruel or doesn't meet our emotional needs. A friend is struggling with infertility or has a miscarriage. Our friend is venting about a difficult situation. Here are some tips for what to say and what not to say: Do / say this:
Don't do / say this:
CHECK OUT THE BOOK "I HEAR YOU" BY MICHAEL SORENSON FOR AN IN-DEPTH DISCUSSION ON ACTIVE AND EFFECTIVE LISTENING. WORTH THE READ!
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